“YOU” Problems….

Like I always say…it’s not one thing on this Earth that happens by chance.  Everything under the sun has a predetermined outcome…eventually…what is meant to happen…will happen.  Again…the delay might manifest…but the denial will never appear (you’ll catch that)…for the simple fact of…how that thing is supposed to be will be.

It’s been a long time people…way longer than I anticipated…but hey like I just said…it was the delay…not the denial…lol.  I mean…it’s been soooo long…I bet some of you need a refresher course (that’s crazy…lol)…so here we go.  I don’t proof-read…filter or check over my work.  I feel that what comes out…comes out…jacked punctuation…bad grammar…misspellings…ooh well.  My writings are straight raw…as they say…straight shot…NO CHASER.  Also…I’m a storyteller of sorts…God gives it to me differently….you know kinda like a movie in my head and I just let it flow through words.  Okay…enough of that…let’s keep this train moving…

The other day I was at work minding my business…mingling with a few guests…and this young lady started to ask me questions out the blue.  I’m not really tripping…because that happens more than you would think.  I think it’s kinda different how a person would just spill their guts out to a stranger…so as I am talking to her…I began to doodle all the advice that I said to her…and when I was done it was like the Picasso of advice on a notepad…it kinda went something like this…

One can’t expect to take action and not have a reaction.  Placing stock in man is like placing a dozen of eggs in a wet paper bag…

The adversary operates in confusion…and as long as you keep that same clueless confused company will continued to be shackled…

Class is in session…your business is your business…when you allow the world to see…you are merely giving them an open invitation…an invitation that comes with presents…presents of dysfunction…envy and jealousy.

One thing I know is that one can’t keep something that doesn’t have the desire or intention of being kept…if that thing is kept by manipulation and deception then bitterness is conceived…and once  bitterness is birthed…it is an enormous baby to handle.

Ladies and GENTLEMEN too…understand your worth…stop devaluing yourself because another person feels a certain way.

It is a huge difference between being patient and stagnant…patience births fortitude…while stagnation is the love child of bitter and unhappiness.

Learn when to end a relationship (and I’m not just talking about affairs of the heart)…the ending of a relationship should make you BETTER not BITTER.  If you are ‘bitter’…that’s a ‘you’ issue…not a ‘them’ problem.  Only you can allow a situation to rob your joy.

Now what am I talking about folks…I’m talking about ‘you’…understand that the only thing that you control is you…When you take possession of your own self and live your life…you never have to worry about anything else…Be comfortable in your skin…you are the only person that has to wear it…

 

Top 10 Things You SHOULD do/say to a man….

Dew’s Blog has always claimed to be an opportunity blog you know…so after posting my blog from yesterday I received some extremely interesting feedback about it.  Much of it was positive…but you know I caught a little flack…so in fairness I decided to post a Top 10 blog I received from a friend that is the polar opposite of mine.  I do want to clarify my stance…in no way, shape, form or fashion did I purposely intent to come of chauvinistic, degrading or full of bull excrement.  Even though this was for entertainment purposes only, I truly believe that some of list can be beneficial when relating to a man.  I will post the list and add my comments as needed…without further ado I present to you… Top 10 Things You SHOULD do/say to a man….

 

Top 10 Things You SHOULD do/say to a man….

10.  Never admit that your wrong. Okay…I have a slight problem with this one.  How is this beneficial in a relationship?  Not admitting guilt seems to be somewhat juvenile in nature.  If I am wrong I will admit my fault…point blank.  This practice needs to be reciprocated for any long lasting, stable and healthy relationship.  Let’s see…its two of us in the house…if I didn’t do it…who else did?  I dunno….maybeeeeee Casper did…lol…Just joking ladies.  I can see this point of view, but no relationship can prosper with this mentality.

9.   Reward and punish with “cookies.”  How else will he learn?  WOW…again…not in agreement…but if you have that type of relationship then I can understand.  Basically that seems like a form off manipulation.  If I do good…then you put it on me…if I’m bad then you take it away.  Sounds like what my mother used to do to me with my Nintendo back in the day.  Be very careful though…a less of a man might seek to frequent another establishment.  Nabisco doesn’t make the only cookies in town.

8.   Demand a JOB from yo man or that he be actively seeking one!  Now this one I agree with A LOT…except for the fact that I think that there are exceptions to every rule.  I’ll inject myself into this situation…I was a warehouse/logistics manager for several years.  A year after my wife passed away I decided to finish my dual degrees (actually bachelor’s in history and business management…master’s in history and eventually doctorate) I worked 50 plus hours a week (not just work…managed an entire warehouse and controlled every logistical aspect of it), went to school full-time, took care of my terminally-ill wife and two children.  Now as of June of 2009, I stop working and continued with my education.  There are things outside of logistics that I want to obtain.  I went back to school for not only myself…but to show my children it is possible and to live out the dream my wife and I had.  Okay if you said a man with no direction…then I would completely agree.

 7.   Seek a fictional character exhibiting any and personality traits/characteristics that “you have always dreamed of” (I.e.:  Edward Cullen).  I don’t even know who he is…but I think one should seek out qualities of those tangible people…I.e.: Michelle Obama, Oprah Winphrey…etc.

6.   Never believe yo man when he says..”she’s just a friend”  I agree with this slightly as well…but for the record men and women can strictly have a plutonic relationship. 

5.   Never believe yo man when he says..”she’s only my baby momma”  Hmmm…interesting if a woman is dealing with a man that refers to his “child’s mother” as a baby momma…then you probably need to throw him to the curb anyway…Baby Momma itself is a degrading and demeaning term. 

4.   Always have the upper hand! Control needs to be established.  WTF?!?!? Control needs to be established.  This is not OSU vs. Michigan!  If a person feels the need to establish control then are you really in a relationship?…sounds more like a dictatorship.  Control is shared…it is duality in nature.  Maybe understanding and respect might apply here more.

3.   Apply the 3 strike rule!  Now this one I actually agree with.  A man is only going to do what you allow him to.  If he is constantly in violation…then you might have LIG him (Let it Go).

2.   Trust actions more than words.  Again this is a good one…but again there are exceptions to rules…if a man is visually doing all the right things…what is he doing behind the scenes.  “It’s not you I don’t trust, darling. It’s your private thoughts that give me pause.” – Kathy Bates (A Family That Preys)

 AND THE #1 RULE IS………

1.   Train his A-S-S to be what he should have been when you first met his sorry self!!!  Umm ladies…he is not a pet (even though he might have dog tendencies)…if you have to TRAIN HIM TO WHAT HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN…THEN THAT IS NOT A GREAT PICK BY YOU.

 

10 Things a Woman Should Not Say/Do to Her Man….

I’ve wrote about this once before, but for some reason I have received several messages to re-post and update 10 Things a Woman Should Not Say/Do to Her Man….

10. Never compare your man to any fictional…made-up…character that resides in a movie, book, song or soap opera.  No you man is not Nick Newman…and he will never be!  There is a reason why it is fictional…It’s not TRUE!

9.  Do NOT tell your man he needs to go to the gym.  Chances are if he was chubby (hahaha) when you met him…he’s probably gonna stay that way. 

8.  Tell him that, “you care about your friends more than me”…In most cases this is NOT true.  He probably spends a lot of time with his friends because there is something lacking at home.  Instead…watch and learn your man…cater to him more often…but don’t spoil him.  You don’t want a spoiled man…that can be trouble (well not really…lol).

7.  Do NOT…I repeat Do NOT ask a man if he “loves” you.  Chances are if he is smart the answer will be yes.  He would be a fool to say, “no baby, I don’t love you”…His actions are the best indicator…plus many men don’t do well with the verbal thing.

6.  Please…don’t tell a man that he is soft.  Attention ladies…men have egos…some have HUGE egos.  Let him think that he is the king of all kings.  Give that ego just enough attention and you will be fine.

5.  Don’t try to change him…allow him to be a man…appreciate the man that he is…but don’t settle.  If he isn’t the type of man you want…there are many fish in the sea.

4.  This can be higher…please DO NOT BOTHER A MAN WHEN HE IS WATCHING HIS SPORTING EVENTS…especially if it is a playoff, tournament or his favorite team.  If you do…somebody might be sleeping on the couch that night (and he probably won’t have a problem doing it).

3.  WOW…this is a good one…Under no circumstances should you use the “cookies” as reward or punishment…the bakery should be open 24/7 (unless…well you know…when nature calls).  It is not right to control a man with the pastries…this is sooooo wrong!!!

2.  Never say, “I only slept with (insert number here) guys before you.  Some…well most men can not handle the truth…and for some of the ones that can…he probably has follow-up questions which then leads to answers he can’t handle.  Even though many men want a woman that is experienced and can pleasure him…he doesn’t want her to be experienced…if you know what I mean.

DRUM ROLL PLEASE…………..AND THE #1 Thing a Woman Should Not Say/Do to Her Man is….

Joke about your man’s sexuality.  I don’t think I really need to expand on this one.

 

I’m Probably Gonna Get Flack From This One…

…but why is it that most of the women I “encounter” drive around in a dirty vehicle?  I’m not talking about the exterior…but the interior is looks like a grizzly bear has romped through it. This post was inspired by a Facebook status post I came across today (thanks K. Sat). I promise I have seen it all…from chicken bones to schoolbooks thrown on every part of the interior.  I have seen high heels…empty fast food bags…candy…panty hose…I just can’t call it.  Now many of you might say this is a typical “man’s” job…but come on ladies…that doesn’t give you a free pass to just so whatever.  I know a woman that the inside of her windshield is so caked with flith I thought she had tinted windows. You know the funny thing about it is I hear the same line…”well you know how the kids are”…hahaha what a pile of crock.  Children do exactly what you allow them…but what about women that don’t have children???(hahahaha) Here are some of the comments that folks generated via the Facebook status: DISCLAIMER:  The views expressed in this publication do not necessarily reflect the views of  Dew’s Blog.

• “Man that sh#t is so true bruh. Lol. They b havin that damn car lookin and smellin like a damn house on wheels! U liable to find anything from old panties to rotten food. Smh”
• “I KNOW MY CAR NASTY LOL” (this is from a woman)

I wanted  to write something a little more light-hearted tody…Well at the end of the day…it is what it is…ladies…ladies…ladies!!! LOL.  Have a great weekend and talk soon.

“The mother must set the example in holding out the shrine as the heart of the house hold! She must enforce discipline over the children in personal cleanliness in humility and hospitality, in good manners and acts of service.” – Sri Sathya Sai Baba

 

   

 

Top 10 Reasons Why I Want To Marry Again

10. Tax breaks and financial security. Being married allows to receive certain benefits that single folks aren’t granted…PLUS sharing assets with wifey is a beautiful thing.

9. Dating is DONE!!! You get tired of the ringing phone. It becomes more of a headache. Going on those uncomfortable dates and everyone trying to fix you up with someone…UGH! Plus…doing all that data collecting can drive you up a wall. Having a help mate and partner is a great thing.

8. Chicken. There is nothing like making sure daddy gets the big piece of chicken.

7. Companionship/Family. Being lonely is not a good look for the home team. Not that a dude is desperate, but coming home to someone that loves you unconditionally is definitely a plus. It is a sense of fulfillment. Looking forward to seeing her walk through the door at the end of the day is enough in itself. Waking up with wifey, the kids, and the dog.

6. I love you. This should be higher on the list…but just for debates sake I will slot it here. Folks tend to believe that sense you love someone let’s start planning a wedding. Not so fast my friend…there is love and then there is LOVE…determine the difference between the two.

5. Sex. Now this can definitely be higher…but at # 5 it is in a good place…just high up the list to be important…but not to high to be controlling. Boy there is nothing like married sex. You mean to tell me I can have as much sex with my wife as I want and not sin…pssst…let’s get it…more importantly there is a spiritual tie involved.

4. Romance. Now there is a difference between romance and sex. Romance is what keeps the marriage moving. The intimacy of romance allows for both of us to learn each other and keeps things fresh. This can also create a sense of security inside of a marriage. Getting a back rub from someone who knows exactly how you like to be touched is always right.

3. Having someone on your side… even when you’re wrong…what more is there to say.

2. Because Ronya would want me too. I do miss my wife (RIP), but I know what she wants for me and I want it too.

1. God wants me to be happy…….

 

Top 10 Reasons Why I’m Single

10b. Uncomfortable color schemes. I don’t really know how in tuned I am with pastels and all those softer type color. If I’m using the bathroom…I want it to feel like a bathroom, not the inside of a cotton candy machine. Better yet, if I want to re-arrange my furniture I can.

10a. Hot Water. It is just me…I always have hot water.

9. No chic flixs. I’m not sure how comfortable I will be with watching Fried Green Tomatos or Pretty in Pink…give me Enemy of the State, the Negotiator and some Patron Silver and I got you.

8. No female hygiene products everywhere. Ladies I respect the fact that you keep yourself “right” during that unsettling time…but I’m cool on the products throughout the bedroom (you can include the period panties too). There is nothing like walking into the bathroom and seeing some granny panties sprawled out on the toilet. Yep I pass!

7. I can eat what the heck I want. I don’t have to hear…”that’s not good for you” or “you need to eat more of this/that”….yeah I pass on that too.

6. I can turn the music up in my car. No explanation needed.

5. I can keep the toilet seat up. Under normal circumstances this would be higher up on the list, but it was hard to crack the top 4.

4. Freedom. I can do what the hell I want…when I want to. I don’t have to worry about a lot of family coming over (if I don’t want). Not having to check with someone else before making plans/accepting invites…This could be number 1.

3. Clingy/Soft. Whew this is a big one. Lady please give me 50 feet. I don’t need to talk to you…text you…email you ALL dang on day. Give me time to miss you. Sometimes I need you to think like a man and conduct yourself like a lady.

2. Cackling Hens. Misery loves company. I don’t have to put up with your cackling unhappy friends. Don’t get mad at us because we are happy. I’m not feeling someone constantly in her ear. Shut the hell up!

1. We are not equally yoked. Just because we are great people, doesn’t necessarily me that we are on one accord.

 

Independent Woman’s Syndrome

I am treading with extreme caution on this subject. I know that it is terribly sensitive and could be taken the wrong way (and I will get some backlash), so I will be respectful…but this is my blog so you know that I will do it my way. Quite some time ago I was in a debate with a friend of mine…actually I had this conversation with several people of the course of a few weeks. It was the topic of what I love to call Independent Woman Syndrome…or IWS for short. Of course many of us had similar yet different perspectives on the topic….thus this made me want to write about this. Now I can base my stance from a biblical standpoint and it would be a no brainer…but then that would encompass submission…training…etc…but I won’t. These are my opinions and I will for the most part keep it to what I think.

 I…let me state this again…I feel that many women especially in the black community are suffering from an extreme case of this syndrome. I’ve talked about this many times before, but I am so sick and tired of hearing those common clichés of, “I don’t need a man for this” or “I can do that”….you know the “Anything he can do…I can do”….or this is my favorite one… “I DON’T NEED A MAN TO COMPLETE ME”…blah blah blah…shut up…put a sock in it (a dirty one at that). Please ladies you are starting to sound like that Charlie Brown teacher. Earth to independent woman, yes you do need a man…sorry it is just a fact…BUT… I’ll give you this tidbit…not any man will do…you need a good one. Okay…here comes the rebuttal… “There isn’t any” or ‘They are gay”….again ma’am…quiet please. There are good men and in abundance but the issue may reside within you…INTERNALLY you know. Maybe some women should stop blaming external factors on the demise of relationships and look within. Women ask yourself this…in any relationship that you have that has come to an end…have you HONESTLY looked at yourself objectively and weighed any contributing factors from you. Now I am not giving guys a pass because many of us are jerks…and even the good guys have jerk tendencies…but that IWS will do it every time. Let’s take a look at some of the reasons why you are getting what you got:

• Are you equally yoked with the man and on every level…spiritually, mentally, emotionally? You don’t have to agree on everything, but at least be on the same accord. Many women take spiritually for granted. Sometimes, women you tend to think that since your man goes to church you are spiritually yoked…sorry ma’am…that is not the case.

• Are you willing to submit…I’m not talking about succumbing or servitude…but willing to let the reigns go a bit to allow him to have dominion (this is more for married couples).

• Look at this man…know what he is. Don’t try to turn a 2 of club into an Ace of spade. Sorry ladies…go ahead and try to play that club like a spade and see what happens.

• How does he treat the important women in his life? Whatever he does around them, he will do around you. What makes you any different? I hope it isn’t because of your female privates…because real talk…those come a dime a dozen.

The skinny of it is…women READ THE MEMO…there is an order to everything under the sun…ESPECIALLY IN MAN/WOMAN RELATIONSHIPS. Find the cure for the syndrome.

 

Its Not Always a Caution Sign…

…that gets your attention. It always seems like it is the smallest things that get my attention…or maybe it is not the smallest things, but God knows how to get my attention and He uses these things I deem as small to capture it.  As many of you know I coach high school football.  Yesterday my team attended a 7 on 7 skills passing camp.  In essence what this is touch football without the big ole lineman.  I know some of you are not sure what lineman are…lemme see…to make it extremely easy…lineman are the really big guys that are usually hunched over with their hands on the ground banging heads at each other (if that makes sense).  Passing camps give coaches the opportunity to take a look at their receivers, backs (offense and defense) and linebackers in a competitive environment.  Even though a team might have competition within its camp, it is virtually impossible to replicate game speed and the competitive adrenaline when facing an opponent. 

At the camp I had the opportunity to catch up with former players I coached on a pee wee level…former teammates and coaches.  It was a great atmosphere.  There were about 8 teams there including my team, so I had the chance to witness some of the areas top talent.  I also had the chance to talk with a few members of regional scouting services…so all and all, my experience was great…and by the way we went 3-1…and that isn’t bad for a team that likes to tote the rock (run the ball).

We were into our second game of the day and we had many of our JV (junior varsity) players in.  Well, I used to coach the JV quarterback for a few years when he was younger so we have a report.   Our coach called a play in the huddle and as our quarterback began to direct the teams.  The ball is snapped and the play starts…I’m about 15 yards behind the quarterback (because coaches can be on the field in these camps) and I can see the play developing.   It is unfolding just like it is supposed to.  This all goes back to the big picture blog.  I can see the entire picture from behind the QB. We have a receiver running a slant pattern.  He run his pattern beautifully and the QB sees him…BUT if the QB looks a little deeper, we had another receiver running a deeper slant and he was wide open for a touchdown. What happened is that my QB was fixated so much on the first open receiver he wasn’t patient enough to allow the play to develop and see the second receiver through the big picture. The QB ultimately under throws the receiver.  A few people yell at the QB and he comes back to the huddle with a smile on his face as if to say, “I got this…my fault.”  The coach calls the exact same play and the scenario plays out the exact same way.  The QB is not patient enough yet again.  The receivers run their patterns and the QB under throws him again.  This time the QB gets a few more yells…but one thing I notice is that he was throwing the ball off of his back foot with no leverage.  Everything he threw was all arm, his technique was not sound at all.  I walked up to him and he has the same smile on his face…I share a few words of encouragement and he jogs back to the huddle.  Okay, now for the third time in a row the coach calls the exact same play.  This time our QB throws a better ball, one he finally decides to throw through the big picture the defender is able to jump the route (beat the receiver to where he is supposed to be) and knocks the ball out.  After talking with my QB I can tell some of the yells from his teammates rattled him slightly.

This is interesting because I just assumed that this was just another play.  Later on that evening I started to think about that play in particular.  It is all about execution.  In order for a play to work, it must be executed correctly.  Execution comes from repetition.  This means practice…practice…and more practice.  This small play encompasses life in its entirety.  Life is about executing the plays you are given…beginning with preparation…when you are preparing…you are putting yourself in position to make the plays.  You are gathering all the key components in order to be successful such as training yourself, learning your roles and placing the proper people around you.  Secondly, you must be able to place these components in motion (executing).  At this stage your technique must be sound.  Everything you prepared for is now manifesting…you must be able to mold everything you learned in the preparation into a positive outcome.  If there is a breakdown in any aspect of this step, the execution of the play will falter. 

As in football life is filled with plays.  We need to prepare ourselves…place the proper people around us…and execute what we have learned.  Take my young QB for example, his technique was not sound and he was fixated on what was in front of him.  If he would have settled himself and been patient, maybe he could have thrown that touchdown…through the big picture. One thing I have learned is that the one thing that will sabotage a play is the company we keep.  Make sure your teammates are the ones that have prepared for the plays…not someone that was a spectator and pretends they know the plays…Execution.

 

you get what you got because you do what you did

As I scrambled through my brain, I found it rather hard to come up with a topic to talk about today.  Even as I continue to type I hope that something worthwhile spews out of my fingertips.  I was thinking today about things that are certain…and one thing that is for certain is death…outside of that there is this gray area that we all have the power to control.

In my occupation (and socially) I encounter a gamut of folks.  It is strange because even though we are strangely different…at its core we all strive for the same things…not in any particular order but:

• Happiness
• Peace/Tranquility
• Success
• Inalienable/Unalienable rights

I can continue to go on, but you get the drift.  We all have dominion over our lives.  What suprises me is that many people on this Earth…or at least many of individuals I have encountered do not understand that they are masters of their own lives….rulers of their destiny’s.  Many people are trapped…bound and shackled due to their own will.  We are by products byproducts of our own insanity.  What I have learned extremely well lately is that…you get what you got because you do what you did…you follow that.  At some point in our lives we can’t use the excuse of…”this is what I’m used to”…or “we’ve always have done things this way”.

Grab life by the horns.  Life is what you make it…

If you have always done it that way, it is probably wrong.- Charles F. Kettering

 

Sibling Love….

There is nothing I love more in this world than being a father.  This past weekend I spent some quality time with Number 1 and Number 2.  Sitting in the car with these children for an extended period of time is truly hilarious.  My children non-stop crack on each other…with no holds barred.  If you were an outsider…you would really think that they were out of order…but one think I have come to learn…there is nothing like sibling love.  Even though they go at each other…they will not let anyone else come in between them.

We were stuck in traffic for somewhere around 45 mins…and in that short amount of time I heard some of the funniest things ever.  I think that this was spawned from a rule that I had years ago.  I remember when they were growing up…the rule of the house was…if it’s funny you didn’t get in trouble for it.  So I guess that foundation that I laid years ago could have been better.  I dunno…but one thing I do know is that I love being a father….

A bit of advice…never turn your back on a gay superhero. – K.J.Dew