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Category Archives: Family

Addition by Subtraction…

Like usual folks when the mood hits me to write I’m generally at some different type of emotional state. I’ve said it countless times…I’m most definitely an emotional being. Unless its academically influenced its extremely difficult for me in this season of my life to just have at it and write…not sure where down the line that happened…but I figure while this season is in session im gonna roll with it. For me the past few days have been somewhat emotionally draining…but that’s my life and I’ve learned how to adjust to these days…AND NO I’m not bipolar or mentally unstable…I have all my marbles and my elevator goes all the way up to the top floor…but these are the life and times of  David Dew Sr.

Chance…one thing is for certain and another is definite…absolutely nothing happens by chance and there is a rhyme, reason and purpose for everything under the sun.
Funny how purpose reveals itself…I was walking through the store tonight and I started to think about my life…when I was hit with the motivation I assumed that this would be another reflection post…in a way it is but slightly shifted a bit…Addition by Subtraction, I thought I was done with this series but…

Life…is full of unexpected twist and turns and its our job to navigate through these obstacles with grace and diligence. I believe I’m gonna be transparency for a sec or so. Somebody once told me…”Dew you didn’t ask to to through what you’ve been through.” That’s a true statement. For the vast majority of us…we never ask for what we go through…but that event…situation…person or whatever it may be has purpose in your life. Even if we don’t initially see it…or understand why…that purpose was on purpose to serve its purpose.  Think about that for a second and I will come back to it.

Transparent…I remember after Ronya died there was a point in time where I had to focus…looking back now I really don’t believe it was focus…I was in shock. There were certain things I needed to do that was critical for the survival of my family. It was pertinent that I have tunnel vision. If I hadn’t only God knows where we would’ve been if I didn’t. Then it happened…the calm…the idleness after the storm. I was forced to address issues. Reality at times can be a harsh teacher. I can remember the week after she passed, we had a routine…I would leave church, walk in the parking lot, call her at the hospital and ask what she wanted to eat…every single Sunday I did that. So now service is over…I walk to the lot and pull out my phone to call her…and then it hit me…she’s gone. WOW…what do you do…I’m literally standing in the middle of the lot with a phone in my hand not knowing my next move…IN LIFE. Reality bites! Humans are creatures of habit…my routine is broken…what do I do? My wife was an enormous part of my life. Time…what’s gonna occupy that time now? Where do I go? How do you continue? Can I even get there?

Purpose…everything has purpose. There was a point in time I didn’t wanna be here. I just wanted die. No I wasn’t suicidal…but I just wanted to be gone. I went from this vibrant person…full of personality…to not caring. I managed my department at work. I stopped brushing my hair…I would wear a uniform to work didn’t matter if it was clean or dirty…I would wear these old beat to Hell Timberland boots to work with no shoestrings. I went to work late…it was a chore to get out of bed. When I got to work I would just go straight to my office and shut the door. I can remember taking lunch for 2-3 hours…I could care less. If it wasn’t for my three children I probably would have melted into obscurity. It was them that I now lived for…I no longer lived for myself…true story. If it wasn’t for them…I don’t think I would be here writing this blog. My children served a purpose in my life. They were the catalyst that rekindled my flame.

Obstacles…life is filled with them. Adversity comes via many means. What does one do when the obstacle comes…does one fight or flee? Is it what’s for me will be for me? Move…stay still…move while standing still? When these “barrier” moments arrive one presses. You see that obstacle has purpose. The problem is we focus so hard on the obstacle to we actually trip right over it. The focus should not be the obstacle…but what comes after we overcome the barrier. Watch me now…

Addition by subtraction…I had to go through that purpose in my life to serve my purpose. Ronya was a purpose…she completed her work on this earth. When I STOPPED focusing on what I no longer had (subtraction) God provided me with a series of  beautiful people in my life (addition). He gave me a second lease on life. I went through the purpose to become a better man…to become a better husband…to become a better father…to walk in my destiny. So when I marry this time…I won’t be tripped by the same obstacles.

Where am I going with this…FAITH. Before one can truly overcome an obstacle, one first must believe. One must have FAITH. See the thing is…I could not prosper because my focus was on my situation…not my solution. My solution resided in the Lord. Once I placed my FAITH in Him I was able to overcome….Isaiah 53: 4-5… 4Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. 5But he was wounded for our otransgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

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Posted by on August 28, 2011 in Change, Family, Me, Religious

 

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Why I drink all my Frapaccino….

…waiting for an available computer at school?  That really sucks!  The library today is busting out of the seams.  It always seems to be this way the first few weeks of the quarter…then one of two things happen to slow down the frantic activity…either folks stop coming out in the weather or they drop classes after they get their financial aid refunds.  Real talk…that’s what they do.  It’s rather comical because the day after refunds are issused you see new laptops…clothes…shoes…purses…I’m not being  judgmental…but it is what it is.  Let me get on track to what I was originally supposed to be talking about.

Today is January 11, 2010…I feel kinda cheated…I remember growing up and watching the Jetsons.  By this time we were supposed to be having flying cars and housekeepers named Rosie.  I was supposed to be able have an apartment in the sky and a rocket launcher backpack…boy I feel robbed!  On a more serious note…this day is extremely significant because this is the first day of weightlifting for the upcoming football season at the high school I coach at.  What sets it apart even more is that my son is actually starting lifting today with the team.  Even though he is only in the 8th grade, he is allowed to participate.  This gives him a tremendous head start on any other incoming freshman.  If you parlay his experience this past football season (him coming to every practice and game) he will be light years ahead. 

This thought process brings me to this…where does the time go?  I can remember his mother on the delivery table giving birth to him over thirteen years ago…wow!  Now here we are on the verge of high school and I get the opportunity to coach my son on a higher level of football…on the varsity level.  It is surreal.  It is always the smallest of things that seem to choke me up.  Looking back I couldn’t imagine that this day would come.  All I can do is just shake my head!!! I can’t wait until the first time I hear his name over the PA getting recognized for a play…talking about a proud poppa!

Time…it flies…it is relentless in its progression.  Time is not negligent in nature…time does not have time to peak in its rear view mirror to see who is trailing behind.  Time is one thing you can NEVER get back.  As the seconds turn to minutes…which transforms to hours…which morphs to days…which ultimately becomes an eternity it’s gonna be consistent in its ever-changing demeanor.  Which brings me to this tri-fold question….WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH YOUR TIME…HOW DO YOU CHOOSE TO SPEND YOUR TIME…ARE YOU GONNA CONTINUE TO LET TIME PASS YOU BY?

Know that one day time will catch you…when it comes will you be ready?

“Don’t count every hour in the day, make every hour in the day count.”

 
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Posted by on January 11, 2010 in Family, My Children

 

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808’s and Heartbreaks

Yesterday was a very eventful day for me…it was filled with what I like to call 808’s and heartbreaks (ironically that is the name of Kanye West’s  last CD).  808’s and heartbreaks is a title I use for an emotional day for me.  I guess to keep it simple…it means ups and downs…you know an emotional roller coaster.  I’m telling you…I had a internal battle of epic proportions yesterday.  I told a friend of mine yesterday it was like a spiritual slugfest and the home team was spent at the end of the night.

Sunday was a ginormous (gigantic and enormous) day for #2.  I know…I know…I haven’t talked about #1 and #2 in quite sometime and there is a reason behind that (which I will talk about hopefully sometime in the future).  My church had its annual youth choir concert yesterday and #2 was chosen to render the first selection.  When she told me that…I already knew that it was going to be bad business for me.  When it comes to church and both my children…I am really a big ol softy (in a masculine sort of way…lemme clear that up…lol). Anywho…I got to the concert right before the choir started to march in and #2 was right at the door, so I got the chance to give her a big hug before her moment.

I found me a seat…well it really wasn’t hard because our church seats several hundred people on a given Sunday and I estimate the audience at a few hundred  or so (give or take a hundred…lol).  #1 was with me so he spotted my in-laws and he went to go sit where they were.  As I started to get comfortable in my seat a few people came up to me to speak because I haven’t been at church in a few weeks (that is a topic for another day).  Finally, I get a tap on my shoulder and it is another one of my church family members and she asked me if I need some tissue, because she knows I’m going to boo who.  Which I in turn told her to get them ready.  For those that don’t know…at church I cry (and #1 talked about that yesterday too)…some folks shout…some folks stand…some folks are internal…me when I am moved…I cry. 

We had our devotion period and finally the choir is marching in.  I really can’t spot #2 because of how I am seated, but finally I get a glance of her when they are almost in the choir stand.  It’s maybe 50 youth in the choir. As they are sing their processional song…I’m just kinda chilling…feeling the moment.  Finally they finish (and it was awesome)…and the master of ceremony gets everyone fired up.  They get ready for the first selection and baby girl is making her way to the microphone.  I promise folks…I started crying even BEFORE she touched the mic.  You can tell that she was initially nervous, but her voice radiated through my entire body and I was overwhelmed with emotion.  I thought about Ronya and how she would feel if she was here listening to #2 sing.  I don’t think there were many dry eyes in the edifice because many of them knew our story.  She finished and I had to walk out of the sanctuary to get some fresh air…I was just so emotional.  I didn’t stay for the entire concert…just the first segment of selections because I had to get home and finish a project that was due at midnight…but I was so happy and so sad at the same moment. 

It was funny because as soon as #1 and I got in the car he started to talk about me.  He said the moment  #2 walked towards the mic…everybody turned and looked at me (I didn’t even notice) and he just shook his head because I was crying already…he asked me why.  I simply told him, “Son, that is my baby girl…you are my boy, I cry because I love ya’ll…I cry because ya’ll are a reflection of me…I cry because at that moment I realize that I am doing something right…I cry because I am a PROUD papa.”

All of this got me to thinking about 808’s and heartbreaks.  How do we check our emotions…you know control them in a fashion were as we can still function?  I don’t know if I have the answer to and I actually love 808’s and heartbreak.  It is a double-edged sword.  All sun and no rain makes for a desert.  Be blessed all.

 
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Posted by on July 20, 2009 in Family, Me, My Children

 

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Father’s Day….after the show…

…I wrote this to my father and I planned on releasing it on Father’s Day…but the interesting thing is that something hit me…I knew that the web would be saturated with Father’s Day this…that and another…so I decided to write to my father separately…kinda to set him apart…

Dad…

I know you are not here physically on this Earth to read this, but for some peculiar reason I know that you are peeking down reading this as I type.  It has been slightly over two years since you took your last breath.  You know…I never thought in a million years that I would EVER feel the way I do about you.  You have been the source of so much pain to me.  At one point in my life, I wished that I would never cross paths with your again.  I resented the fact that I came from you.  For the life of me, I couldn’t understand why things went sour between us…but over the course of time I have come to understand that I must go through things to achieve what’s in store for me.

For years, I wanted to be so bitter and angry towards you…and for the most part I succeeded, even after I told you that I forgave you…but the strangest thing happened to me…through all my pain…hurt…frustration and heartache…I began to understand that you were a man and you made mistakes.  I understood the fact that you could not make up for lost time.  I knew that all we could do is move forward from the point your re-introduced yourself to me.

The thing is dad…I do love you…I always had…and even that you are gone…I always will.  First I must apologize to you for the feelings I had towards you.  I know that even though I was angry…they still were inappropriate.  It saddens me that it takes for you to be gone two years before I can say this to you.  Even though I might feel that you didn’t go about things that correct way…I thank you for the life you have given me.  I thank you for the things that you did teach me. 

I don’t think I have ever said this…but Happy Father’s Day Dad….I do love you…until me meet again.

 
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Posted by on June 23, 2009 in Family, Me

 

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If i had more hair…i would pull it out!!

It has been two weeks to the day since my last post.  Even though I have written several posts, I haven’t had the desire to release any of them (I guess that is part of my dysfunction rearing its ugly head). You know that it is just a time and place for everything…not that I have all these jar-dropping, earth-shattering revelations…but timing is everything…so I decided to scale back on these.  Now, you know that I was not ignoring you…I was working the kinks out.

I’ve really been working on the character development on this novel…I know that once I nail them…the sky is the limit…I have went back to the drawing board a few times on it…but I now know the true direction of them. I can’t wait to share it with you.

Life as a single-father has been what it is…ROUGH…I mean I am handling it…so I don’t complain…What is it that they say…women have done it for years…so that doesn’t make me any different…adapt and adjust…dealing with my #1 and #2…can be a challenge…and ooh yeah…they love to test me.  They know I’m like a big ‘ol dog…I bark a whole lot…but at the end of the I rarely do anything.  I think they are accustomed to it and play chicken with me (with them usually winning). I bet in the back of their devious minds they are cracking up at my expense (hell I laugh at myself at times too).

I have alot on my mind…one thing I am learning…a tiger can’t change its stripes…and I have had somethings from my past fall out of the closet…ooh boy did it…but that is a story for another day…I have much to share…so little time…talk later…

 

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a competitive balance….

…I was sitting here this morning thinking…well it actually started last week…anywho whenever it was I was thinking about passion compared to occupation…how we get so consumed with our occupations…we forget about what our true passion.  Im convinced that to achieve total blissfulness it is imperative to have a competitive balance of passion and occupation…I call it the “smiles and cries” theory.

I like my job…but I love my co-workers…my job pays my bills and allows me the oppurtunity to do other things…but my job is completely different than my passion…My occupation by day is a Logistics Manager…but I double as student as well …but my passion is working with children (coaching and mentoring)…spending time with my children…writing and most importantly serving God.  As my mind started to churn I thought about my purpose in life and how to achieve this competitive balance…and even though I believe I have most of the answer…Im unsure about this one…people tell me…how do we create that competitive balance???  Maybe this might help me with all of this dysfunction Im experiencing.

 
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Posted by on January 22, 2009 in Family, Me

 

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He uses the little things…

…to get your attention.  I sometimes sit in amazement of this little things that God does to get our attention and show us how miniscule certain things are.  Us as adults…. we seem to elevate circumstances to levels that is beyond comprehension.  We lend credence to things that are not even important as we initially thought.

Last night I was not at home and #1 and #2 was at home with Kev.  Out of the blue…#2 shoots me a text message saying, “I miss u and mommy I am trying to stay strong till u get home.”  People you don’t understand how that broke my heart.  This is my 10-year old baby girl and she is trying to stay strong for our family…people sometimes what we think is important actually isn’t.  Maybe we need to assume the personality of children every so often….people slight children and don’t give their mental and emotional capacity the credit it deserves…yeah right…you can’t tell me that children can’t be pillars.

Every now and then we as adults should assume the resiliency of our children….

There are two ways of exerting one’s strength: one is pushing down, the other is pulling up. – Booker T. Washington

 
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Posted by on January 7, 2009 in Family, My Children

 

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