Category Archives: Relationships

Focus…and tell your storm…

It has taken me a few days to construct this blog…extremely uncharacteristic for me.  When I post…of course I don’t proofread…but one I either type the post and post it immediately…two I either type the blog and never post it…three I write a partial blog and let it sit in my drafts…or finally I write it on some scratch paper and tuck it off. For some reason this one was different…I started to write it one day…stopped and came back to finish it two days later…then I couldn’t post it and finally I re-read a few scriptures and felt the need to expand on the post. Peculiar…but we have a peculiar God…His ways are not our ways…so I guess I will just allow the blog to take on a life of its own.

The storm’s of life are soooo crazy. It seems as if storms love to come when it is already raining…thus the saying, “when it rains…it pours.”  I can recall writing about this several times before…so this is a subject that I am well versed in.  Lemme ask you this…why does it seem like when we are walking the path of the straight and narrowness (don’t think that is a word…but ooh well) this is when one of those raging storms commence?  I mean one of those out of control…no matter the size of the umbrella…get soaked type of storms.  It seems like when we fellowship with wrong…life appears to be relatively easy for the most part…but the very moment we decide to straighten up and fly right…we make that conscious effort to allow out change to change…hell takes off the padlock and breaks loose.

Honestly the answer is simpler than you think…the thing is when we are walking that crooked walk…we are exactly where the enemy wants us to be…in essence he is rewarding us.  I compare it to allowance.  Remember when you were a child and you had to complete chores? Once you completed these chores…your parents might have given you an allowance because of your obedience and job well done.  Now if you didn’t complete your chores, or did anything else to the contrary…you probably got punished…well at least that is how it happened in my house. Where am I going with all of this…follow me for a second as I attempt to connect the pieces for you. As long as you are obedient to the adversary…you know doing his work (chores) for him…being a compliant peon…he gives you that reward…an allowance…but the minute you decide to defy him and shift your focus (remember this word focus) you must deal with his ramifications.

The other day I read the entire 14th chapter of Matthew.  Actually, Matthew is my favorite of the sixty-six books in the Bible.   I really can’t tell you how many times I have read the book in its entirety…but it has been several times.   See the thing about me…is when I struggle…when I go through storms myself…I tend to go back to my foundation…which is Matthew.  Matthew isn’t the first book I read in its entirety…but it was the first one I read with purpose and sincerity.

Back to that word focus…focus is defined as:

To adjust one’s concentrated vision or energy and converge towards a central point to render it clear.

Focus…I think one of the strongest examples of focus in the Bible is in Matthew 14:24-32.  Okay…stay with me…I’m gonna teach for a quick second. Jesus and his disciples were on a ship sailing and a fierce storm came against the ship…in the midst of the storm is when Jesus always performs His miracles…He walks on water.  As He stood in the middle of the sea his disciples were frightened…place yourself in their shoes…can you imagine seeing a person WALK ON WATER???  Nah…not me…I would probably trip out…literally…but as alarmed as they were…Jesus spoke them…simply by saying…27 Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid.  You know how the flesh is though…we always must question what we definitely hear from God…so Peter says…28 JesusOnWaterLord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on water.  What is it about us that makes us question His voice?  Jesus says one simple word…”Come”…and Peter began to walk towards Jesus on the water in the midst of the boisterous storm.  As Peter continued to walk..he began to get closer to Jesus…but look what happens here…he loses loses FOCUS…he shifts his FOCUS from Jesus to the storm.  It was right there in that instance Peter begins to sink in the water.  Okay…lemme say that again…when Peter shifted his concentrated energy from his central point he began to sink.  Maybe that one was for me…lol.  The beauty about it all is that Jesus heard the cry from Peter and outstretched His hand to Peter and rescued him from sinking.  Does that ring a bell?  Hold on let me say it differently…understand this…Jesus is always with us during any storm…He is right there standing with us in the face of danger…all you have to do is to cry out to Him…and He will meet you where you are…”O THOU OF LITTLE FAITH”.

Life is about alignment and focus.  Where or what is it that you concentrate your energy on?  What do you align yourself with?  What are the things in your life that causes you to shift your focus?  I will tell you this one fundamental belief…what you focus on the most will always be the clearest in your life.  Focus is a nutrient of life.  Focus to an extent is a form of water.  Focus will saturate your crop and allow that to grow.  The more your focus on it…the more it will grow.  Now…not all focus is intended for clear vision.  There is some focus that blurs your vision.  You can focus so much on the trees…that you miss that they are planted in a forest.

Where am I going with this…storms = water….focus = water…life = water.  There is a common denominator here…WATER.  Every living organism needs water…directly or indirectly to live…so understand this thing…don’t always seek shelter in the face of storms…embrace that storm…get wet…but shift your focus back…shift your focus and lift your eyes  to the hills where your help come from.  Focus is a voluntary act…it is a simple decision that we make everyday we wake up.  Life is full of choices…make the choice…take the chance to shift your focus to allow your change to change…then you’ll be changed.

Be blessed today…

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Posted by on August 2, 2013 in Relationships, Religious


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It’s Dating….

. . . Not a Relationship….

Now anyone that remotely knows me knows that I am a Facebook junky.  When I am bored…I get on FB…when I’m in class…I get on FB…as soon as I get outta church (even sometimes in church)…I get on FB…hell sometimes I even get on FB while I’m in the shower…I bet you get the picture.  Initially I used FB as a platform for buffoonery…but lately I have used FB as a totally different medium.  I have used it for inspiration and motivation.  Through each post I see daily there have been a few that have caught my eye and some in depth discussion has been birthed from it….which brings me to this…Okay…okay…hold on…lemme back up for a second.  I know that there are some of you that have NEVER read any of my blog postings so let me warn you in advance…I do not edit my writings…I do not censor and I allow my feelings to flow however…I ramble and have a goofy sense of humor…so when you read this…know that this is all done with the first take…straight shot no chaser….

Anywho…the other day I came across a status that I found extremely intriguing…so I decided to ask a friend of mine to co-write this blog with me…so without further ado I would like to introduce my girl Vee…Vee thanks for gracing your presence on this blog…   

Ladies it’s time we separate what dating is and what a relationship is. Dating, to me, is the discovery time. Once you discover who he is then desire a relationship based on the connection. You can’t have a connection with someone you are only having sex with, That’s called a sexual attraction and we easily try to relate the two. We need to stop putting our all into one man who you think has potential, only to find out later that he is nothing like we thought. It’s because you are trying to wife him up instead of trying to discover who he is as a person. What we do when we meet a guy is run him down through our mental list. Does he have a car, job, money and if he has children? Once he has passed that phase in your mental cycle, you then pay attention to his actions. Does he call, text and pay you some kind of attention throughout your day? If he shows those signs you think you hit the jackpot! We tend to draw ourselves emotionally to that man especially if sex is involved…

The issue we have is a lack of distinction between the two “ships”…friendship versus relationships which leads to an incorrect perception of what the “ship” truly is.  Like Vee stated…it is pertinent to separate what the two is.  Just because interest is shown by him that doesn’t necessarily constitute a realization of substance to the “ship”.  Before one can discover who he is…she must identify who she is!  Without a clear comprehension of this ma’am all you will do is meet his representative. You can’t discern what he is because you don’t know what you are.  See understanding comes first from within. Wipe the mirror so you can see the reflection. What do you value…what is important to you?  Maybe it is the midday text that they seek Vee…or is it the supergasmic feeling that he makes them feel Vee?  Is it the whip he pushes or the title that is associated with his name?  Is it his looks…his story…his education…his mouth piece…is it the chase…the rush you get …the feeling in the pit of your stomach when his name pops up on your caller ID?  See all these things are superficial ma’am.  Those women that chase these things typically fall into the trap of being in a relationship with him…when he is just dating you…true story.

What tends to happen is a couple months go by and you think everything is going great until you hear or see something he has potentially done. How would you react if you seen him with another woman or He doesn’t answer the phone when you call. . . You’re only dating right? Why are you reacting to a man you are only dating? You shouldn’t be. You are reacting because you have become emotionally involved with a nigga that is only dating you! Dating doesn’t equal a relationship and giving him pussy doesn’t either. Set a standard if your goal is to have a long term relationship with someone. Let that be known from the beginning so he knows this is what you desire. If this is not what he wants then you make a decision whether you want to be involved and everything that happens from that point is your own damn fault. If you never clearly define what it is…how you can expect him to respect what you perceive it is.

Stop being so anxious to jump in the bed with a man! Good Pussy & head isn’t gonna make him change his mind. It might buy you some time but it won’t make him be in a relationship with you…(wow that is real Vee…I love you for that)…but if that was a little to blunt for you come close…let me let you in on a secret …Ima reinforce what Vee stated…regardless of how you can contort your limbs and make him feel all so swell…a good man won’t be swayed by that and a great man won’t allow you to.

Ladies we have to stop confusing dating with being in a relationship…If he doesn’t have similar interest in you. Quit treating this dude like your man when he only treating you like a friend! Then that way your feelings aren’t hurt and you can save yourself from disappointment! If you never get a grip on what it truly is…all he is doing is swallowing the meat and spitting out the bones…


Posted by on April 21, 2011 in Nothing about Nothing, Relationships


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Ice Cubes…Love and Empty Chocolate Boxes

Like I say all the time…it is so funny how things happen to me.  It’s always the smallest of things that spawn the biggest thoughts in me.  I was sitting in my car on campus the other day…actually it was the third anniversary of Ronya’s death…just kinda collecting myself before I went into the library to work on a paper for one of my History classes.  With this indifferent feeling on the day combined with a superabundance of thoughts…the place I was in mentally was really jacked.  As I attempted to sort through all of these different emotions just trying to find a median so I can get started with my day I started to think about ice cubes.  I can laugh now (I actually am while I’m typing) but at that moment ice cubes didn’t make any sense to me…until God did what He always does to me…BAM….

I was actually 4 years old when my parents got married…I was the ring bearer in the wedding and my sister was the flower girl.  Now I won’t bore you with the details of the wedding but I will give you this…Backdrop…my parents were married on New Year’s Eve of 1980…so that was a loooong time ago.  I can remember everything about that wedding down to the horrendously looking maroon blazer they made me wear.  It was uglier than the shag carpet and hanging beads that accented one of the rooms at our house…anywho, the wedding and reception was at my aunt’s house.  My aunt had this really nice house tucked off in the Northwest part of Dayton…I dunno why they had it there…I was only 4 and my guess would be that they were probably cheap…hahahaha.  Okay back on track now.  My aunt had this refrigerator that spewed water and chopped ice cubes from the outside.  Now-a-days that is a common occurrence…but to me at 4 years old in 1980, I had never seen anything like that.  I was truly amazed.  See I had this glass of Coca-Cola that was halfway filled and I decided to test the fridge out…are these like “regular” ice cubes or is there something special about the?  So I reluctantly put my glass under the lever and pressed it…tah dah…three ice cubes fall and I removed my glass.  I look down at it in amazement because these are magic ice cubes…I now have more soda than I originally did.  I’m tripping so I run and go get my sis and show her…both in amazement I proceeded to add more ice and the more ice I added to more the soda filled to the top.  Can you imagine that as a 4 year old child?  You start out with a little soda and these magic ice cubes gives you more…aww lawd…this is the greatest.

Then it happened…I drank the soda…and it was gone extremely fast.  Huh?  How can I drink that much soda that quick…so I pour out those ice cubes…add more soda and some new magic ice cubes…my sister and I are super happy…but the same thing happens again…At this time I so confused…fast forward now.  I’m 22 years old living in Omaha, Nebraska…I’m involved with this young lady.  The entire dynamic of this relationship was unstable and I should have paid attention to the warning signs…but me young and dumb, I wanted what I wanted.  Nobody could tell me anything about this women.  I was in love…this was my destiny.  We were gonna get married, raise children together and be the Obama’s…before the Obama’s. 

I was working second shift at a company there in Omaha and it was Valentine’s Day…now I have never been a huge V-Day guy…but what the heck…lets try something new.  I was scheduled to get off of work at midnight, but we had overtime and I maybe got off at 2ish.  I get over my friends house and she has this box of my favorite chocolates on the couch for me with a card.  I really wanna get at the chocolates first, but I know etiquette and I’m supposed to read the card first.  Okay with that out the way it’s time to dig into these chocolates…I open the box and two my surprise it is completely empty…wth?  How can this entire box of chocolates be empty?  You guessed it so I won’t say it.  I was really Po’d…kinda like that feeling I had back when I was 4 years old and the magic ice cubes made my soda disappear quick.

What’s the purpose of all of this…life is about ice cubes…love and empty chocolate boxes…i.e…perception is not always reality.  See as a child I perceived that glass actually had more soda in it…when that is not the case.  Even though the ice gave the appearance of more soda in actuality it was still the same.  There was no substance to what I perceived…it didn’t matter how many times I poured the ice out and added more soda…it was what it was…at the end of the day my glass was empty like that box of chocolates…the lack of contents in that box was the reality of what our relationship…but the physical attributes of the box were my perception of what I thought we were.  At the end of the day when you opened our relationship it was empty…there was nothing there.  No different than me looking at that “full” glass of soda and realizing that there was actually nothing there.

Understand this…how we perceive something is not actually what it is.  We use our mind to jade and twist from what the facts really are.  We allow perceptions everyday to shape the fabric of our lives…opposed to being patient and allowing reality to manifest.  When you perceive you are unable to truly achieve that which is meant for you.  Yep perception is not always reality.


Posted by on March 31, 2011 in Relationships


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God operates exactly how He wants to.  It is not for us to truly understand His rhyme or reason.  I can remember when I first started to read the Bible and it would say, “thus said the Lord”…I understood that was the end all to be all.  Point blank He is the Alpha and Omega.  Now I guess I’m going to put the disclaimer out there now…this will be like a mini sermon so I’m just talking about…what I’m talking about.

It’s funny how we as people claim we know our purpose in life…the vision that God has set for us…but when it is time for that vision to become reality…we flee from what we know.  Why is it that when it is all good we wanna thank God initially…then when it goes takes a turn for what it seems to be “the worst” we are stuck with our face to the ground calling on Him.  It’s because we as people have learned the custom of consistently being inconsistent.  We need to pray for Him through the good and the bad…magnify and glorify His name. 

Its funny how we allow people to take us out of our element.  It is so easy for us as people to “lose our religion” when we get around certain folks.  We allow others to dictate the calling that God has over our lives.  God has called us to minister and evangelize…but the moment we get to work…school…practice…anywhere outside our “Godly enviroment”…we tend to filter what we say.  We start to conform to others.  Why is it that we won’t curse in certain places…but the moment we get somewhere seculiar its a wrap.  Because it is excepted practice I guess.  Ever wondered why we get what we got…its because we do what we done.  Ever wondered why or why not certain things happen to us?  Many times it is because we filter ourselves from our true purpose around people…SO GOD FILTERS HIS BLESSINGS!  God is not a coffee pot filter.  The thing is we filter so much around people it’s crazy.  Revelation 3:15-16 states…”15 I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot.  16 So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.”  We can’t straddle the fence people.  The word spue is so deep.  Spue means to vomit, expel or eject from one’s mouth.  Do you want God to expel or eject you from His mouth?  To vomit out…when I think of vommiting…I can only imagine spitting out something that didn’t agree with my stomach and having it dwell with the nastiest of things…i.e. Hell!

It’s funny how we have to watch what we say around certain people.  You don’t wanna offend people with your Godly views…or don’t wanna seem like a “bible thumper”.  Mark 8:38 states…Whosoever therefore shall be ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation; of him also shall the Son of man be ashamed when he cometh in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.”  I’m telling you…if you don’t believe that…whew!

It’s funny how we want others to forgive us…but we wont truly forgive them when it is our term…and we wonder why we get certain things.  It’s because you have filtered your forgiveness, so God had filtered His blessings.  Forgiveness is a way of life.  I’m not telling you to be stupid or foolish by placing yourself in the same positions…but I’m telling you to forgive.  Everyone makes mistakes…this is evident because we are all carnal beings…but that doesn’t mean we have to accept carnal ways.

All I’m simply saying is that when we think we are consistent…are we really?  Why is it so hard to do the right thing around the wrong people?  We concentrate so much on being accepted here on earth then our acceptance into Heaven.  Everything here is only temporary.  It’s materialistic…it will come and go…just like this flesh…it will pass.  But our spirit is forever.  Will we allow our spirit to suffer because we want our flesh to be accepted?


Posted by on December 27, 2010 in Relationships, Religious


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10 Things a Woman Should Not Say/Do to Her Man….

I’ve wrote about this once before, but for some reason I have received several messages to re-post and update 10 Things a Woman Should Not Say/Do to Her Man….

10. Never compare your man to any fictional…made-up…character that resides in a movie, book, song or soap opera.  No you man is not Nick Newman…and he will never be!  There is a reason why it is fictional…It’s not TRUE!

9.  Do NOT tell your man he needs to go to the gym.  Chances are if he was chubby (hahaha) when you met him…he’s probably gonna stay that way. 

8.  Tell him that, “you care about your friends more than me”…In most cases this is NOT true.  He probably spends a lot of time with his friends because there is something lacking at home.  Instead…watch and learn your man…cater to him more often…but don’t spoil him.  You don’t want a spoiled man…that can be trouble (well not really…lol).

7.  Do NOT…I repeat Do NOT ask a man if he “loves” you.  Chances are if he is smart the answer will be yes.  He would be a fool to say, “no baby, I don’t love you”…His actions are the best indicator…plus many men don’t do well with the verbal thing.

6.  Please…don’t tell a man that he is soft.  Attention ladies…men have egos…some have HUGE egos.  Let him think that he is the king of all kings.  Give that ego just enough attention and you will be fine.

5.  Don’t try to change him…allow him to be a man…appreciate the man that he is…but don’t settle.  If he isn’t the type of man you want…there are many fish in the sea.

4.  This can be higher…please DO NOT BOTHER A MAN WHEN HE IS WATCHING HIS SPORTING EVENTS…especially if it is a playoff, tournament or his favorite team.  If you do…somebody might be sleeping on the couch that night (and he probably won’t have a problem doing it).

3.  WOW…this is a good one…Under no circumstances should you use the “cookies” as reward or punishment…the bakery should be open 24/7 (unless…well you know…when nature calls).  It is not right to control a man with the pastries…this is sooooo wrong!!!

2.  Never say, “I only slept with (insert number here) guys before you.  Some…well most men can not handle the truth…and for some of the ones that can…he probably has follow-up questions which then leads to answers he can’t handle.  Even though many men want a woman that is experienced and can pleasure him…he doesn’t want her to be experienced…if you know what I mean.

DRUM ROLL PLEASE…………..AND THE #1 Thing a Woman Should Not Say/Do to Her Man is….

Joke about your man’s sexuality.  I don’t think I really need to expand on this one.


Posted by on January 19, 2010 in Nothing about Nothing, Relationships


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The Ultimate Bucket List

Over the course of the last few years I have learned that life is extremely precious.  I think that often we overlook the smallest of details in life because we are so consumed with the material aspect of things.  I know that I am guilty of this from time to time.  One of my biggest downfalls is shopping.  At times I am an impulse buyer.  I use shopping as a therapeutic tool to massage my massive ego at time…and also to sooth my sensitive, emotional side.

Today, as I sat in my office, I could not help but to drift off into this thought of the “circle of life”…how our happiness controls the duration of our life-span.  I began to think about how those moments of misery and negativity that seem to infiltrate my realm constantly is chopping away valuable time I have on this earth.   I began to think about how ignorance breeds negativity…negativity breeds insensitivity…how insensitivity breeds dysfunction…and dysfunction finally contributes to insanity.

I don’t mean for this to be a post that is sad in nature…but a post to make you reflect on what truly is important in your life.  We as people tend to dwell so much in the past…that we run dead into a tree walking.   I have a saying that I use…”I never seen a person win a race by looking backwards”.  People the enemy is busy.  He is at work trying to break-up families…destroy homes…plant seeds of doubt in relationship…He is attempting to run calamity and disorder all throughout our lives.  The thing is though…we claim that the enemy is a lie…but we continue to fall for the banana in the tailpipe everytime.  The enemy is a one trick pony…and he gets it off on us each time. Sometimes we just need to let things go…forgive…Jesus paid the ultimate price for us…He said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”    He still was asking forgiveness for those who put him to death. More widely, of course, the plea was for all humanity…but we have the audacity to hold grudges…hmmm

Wow I got all off track of what I was truly posting about.  This post was about Bucket List.  What I wanted to do and achieve before I leave here.  I thought about it…and here are a few things I want to accomplish in not particular order:

  • Finish my novels
  • Create a non-profit organization for inner-city youth
  • Fall in love again
  • Go to a SuperBowl
  • Visit Lambeau Field
  • Go to Paris
  • Meet Barack Obama
  • Complete my Doctorate in History and my MBA
  • See my children off to college

What are some of the things you would like to do or accomplish…..

If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. – Henry David Thoreau


Posted by on March 20, 2009 in Nothing about Nothing, Relationships, Religious


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Its Been That Long Already…

…for the life of I can’t fathom the thought it has actually been that long since Ronya passed.  Today is would have been her 31st birthday.  As you can imagine the household was quite emotional this morning.  Today just has a different feel to it…I knew it the minute I opened my eyes.  I woke up slightly earlier than I usually do on a typical work day.  I got up and went through my morning routine.  #1 stayed over his mothers house for the day…that is a story for a different day…but Baby Girl came into my room for a second.  We talked for a minute and since I have been on this health kick lately she went to get my lunch together.  She packed me a grapefruit for breakfast…a Lean Pocket (don’t know how healthy those are)…and a second grapefruit and a pack of 100 calorie Oreo’s for snack.  I took the dog out to do her do and I warmed up the car (it is extremely cold in the 937 today).

After coming back from this, Baby Girl came into the room to get her lunch money.  We said our morning prayer and just talked for a second.  I knew that it was going to be emotional this morning and she just broke down.  I talked to her for a bit and calmed her down.  I know that she will be okay today…that is a special girl.

The purpose of this post is just to let you know that time flies…it doesn’t stand still.  You should take a moment to realize what is most important to you in your life…start or continue to align your life with the vision what has been set forth for you.  Don’t look back on past transgressions or mistakes.  Continue to press forward.


Posted by on March 2, 2009 in My Children, Relationships


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