Monthly Archives: August 2008

I can’t stand curveballs…

….as most of you know who read my blog on a daily basis know that my brain is like this dysfunctional 20 lane highways that has a ton of twist and turns in it.  Even though it goes a mile a minute, it is like organized chaos.  Even throughout all the twist and turns, I seem to stay pretty focused until today.  I pride myself on keeping my composure at all times….again until today.

I had all intentions of writing the next installment of my blog from yesterday and also the typical Confessional Friday post…well I guess this can actually be a confession of some sort.  I was at my college’s bookstore today to pickup my books for the fall term.  Well all the lines were long as all get it.  A ton of people…and I did not really feel like being bothered.  I grabbed my books, all except for one.  I remembered that my sons mother took this communication class last term, so I called her to see if she still had the book….BINGO, I have action, she still had it….so that is one less book that I had to buy. Okay, after maneuvering through all these folks to the checkout line, man the lines seemed longer than those that be at an amusement park on a hot summer day.  I’m in the line right…..and out of the corner of my eye I see somebody I really didn’t want to see.  I’m saying to myself, “self…hide m’fer” (ahahaha, maybe I should have not thought that but it is what it is).  I really did not feel like being bothered and especially with this bug-a-boo.  So what do I do….hide like a mug.  My confession…I do it all the time…I just don’t want to be bothered.  I ignore people when they call my name…or I pretend like I don’t even see them.  People can get on my nerves sometimes…

Anywho, like I said this was supposed to be part two, but I had one of those highway traffic jam moments while I was in the line waiting.  I was looking at some of the school supplies and then all of a sudden I started to think about my wife.  Instantly I start to well up.  I’m trying to keep my composure because it is literally hundereds of folks in the place.  The more I tried to contain myself, the harder it became.  I started to think about the last days she was here on earth, her last words….her last breath.  All those emotions came running back.  I was thinking about when I left the hospital after she passed, I couldn’t take her belongings in the house.  They stayed in the car for quite some time.  I started to think about how many people called me and left messages in just a matter of hours.  I turned my phone and my voicemail was filled to capacity.  Even as I type now, I’m hit with emotions…but that word “move” just popped back into my head….I get to that in a second…that is crazy how that happens….my intent for this blog when I started to type 5 minutes ago was something totally different….back to my situation today.  I was trying to figure out for the life of me where was all this emotion is coming from…then it hit me…it is the 29th…since she passed March 29th….every 29th I get hit with emotions.  It is like her way of letting me know she is still with me…..

When I think of move in this situation….I think of passing through…overcome comes to mind.  The act of moving is not only physical it is mental as well.  See I’m in the midst of passing though a situation….pressing on towards an ultimate goal.  If we don’t move past our past…we will never pass through to our future.  Remember all….you have to go through so calamity in order to pass through an ordeal.  God has so much in store for us, we just need to move….okay…I don’t know where that came from, but be blessed all….so I guess this is part 2 of ???



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when I move you move…part 1 of ?

Okay, it seems like I had all these outside forces working together as one to prevent me from blogging today….from work, home, school and other personal issues things just kept on cropping up.  I was actually getting irritated by all of it.  Have you ever got to the point when you were so frustrated with everything and everyone around you….you just wanted to just go…no specific destination…but just go somewhere for a few hours.  That is how I have been the last few days.  It is like the smallest of things set me off.  I don’t get irrate or anything like that…I just cut the situation or person smooth off.  It is nothing for me to shake something loose.  I have always been like that.  My wife used to say that I was the coldest, caring person in the world.  I mean if you are on my team…its not nothing that I won’t do…..but if I am jabbed the wrong way….it is curtains…seriously.  Anywho….I’m really not sure how this blog is going to end up….how long it will be or should Iet it go at some point.  So in advance I apologize for any scatter-brained moments…if I’m not making sense….and grammar/spelling issues.  I don’t go over or spellcheck…..I just write kind of raw for my blog.  If this was a paper, I would though…lol.  By the way, I made the Dean’s List for the second straight quarter.  Please feel free to donate to the cause (hahaha just kidding).

I talk about my dude the Brain all the time.  We are on this qwest for world domination.  I mean we really have some tremendous things that we would like to accomplish together and also seperately.  He lives in Texas and I truly believe that the Lord planted him there before me to start sowing seeds.  I say before me because I will be moving down there sometime soon I really believe.  I think once we are together….world ya’ll better watch out.  The key is to listen….listen for God’s voice.  I need to move when he tells me to move…..and I’m not talking about just moving in the physical tense….but the mental tense as well.  You don’t have to physically be moving to move.  I was doing a little research on the actually word “move”…and there were a few definitions that stood out to me:

  1. to advance or progress
  2. to prompt, actuate, or impel to some action
  3. a change of location or residence
  4. an action toward an objective or goal; step

I’m gonna stop right there and let you marinate on that….see you tomorrow….


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That Ringtone Gets on my Nerves

I couldn’t think of a title to this post so as I typed my phone just rang….thus that is how you get the title for today.  I know that today is typically Rewind Wednesday, but tomorrow I will have a special installment of RW and Motivational Thursday.  I think that you will really love that post.

I was talking to #1 and #2 last night and it is so amazing how they have grown by leaps and bounds.  I think that they are pretty advanced for their ages from certain aspects.  With my wife as sick as she was for vitually their entire youth, it forced them to be older.  They had to grow-up quicker than your normal child…but every now and then they just have these brain farts that makes me just shake my head in disbelief (I’m actually doing it now)….I’ll save that for another date.

I think that I am really getting this single father thing down now…all EXCEPT for the hair thing.  #2 is not a baby anymore.  When she was younger my wife forced me to learn how to do #2 hair… I was straight.  I could do the pony-tail and afro puff game…then as she got older, I learned how to use bevellers….so I was good…at least I thought.  Now fast-forward, #2 is slightly older now and those little girly hairdo’s just don’t cut it anymore.  She has become more fashion conscious.  It is like in a short amount of time she went from Hannah  Montana and the Bratz clothes to Baby Phat and House of Deron….man she is breaking my pockets.  It is cool though, because that is my baby girl….but the transformation is slowly evolving.  Man Mother Nature can be a B$%*h (sorry, I didn’t mean that one).  It is hard to watch your baby girl develop and you KNOW what the dudes are thinking.  I used to be one of those dudes….aww man payback is coming for all the dirt I did to the ladies back in the day.

I was watching the Democratic Convention when Michelle Obama spoke (I actually didn’t watch the speech in its entirety)….what I seen was a wife supporting her husband.  I took issue with a friend….I kind of took him to task.  He talked about how good it was to see a black woman support her black husband.  I know that it is wishful thinking, but I told him why does it matter or better yet when will you see that she was a wife supporting her husband….not a BLACK wife supporting her BLACK husband?  Someone please tell me.  This nation will never get past color.  I can’t stand when sports commentators hear a black athlete like Kobe Bryant speak and say, “God, Kobe is well-spoken.”  Like it is something out of the ordinary….okay let me get off of this one, because it was about to go in a completely different direction…back to Michelle. I really hope that she does not ever sit in front of me at church…..hahahaha….I had to just lighten the mood a bit.

I might be back to post later.  #1’s first game of the season is tonight, so I will have a bunch to talk about.

So tonight, in honor of my father’s memory and my daughters’ future  out of gratitude to those whose triumphs we mark this week, and those whose everyday sacrifices have brought us to this moment  let us devote ourselves to finishing their work; let us work together to fulfill their hopes; and let us stand together to elect Barack Obama President of the United States of America. – Michelle Obama


Posted by on August 27, 2008 in Family, My Children, Nothing about Nothing


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1,000,001 and counting

I haven’t blogged in a few day (for various reasons)…there is so much that has transpired since the last time I’ve blogged and I have a million and two things to write about….so in order to spare you with dealing with the scatter-brain moments that I have on my blog via my mind, I’ll just condense the version down to one or two topics just for everyone’s sanity.

Today is the first day of school for my children.  This is usually a joyous occasion for the family.  For one, the kids are typically chomping at the bit to see friends that they haven’t seen in two or three months and usually they are on the verge of getting on each others last nerves.  Secondly, I don’t have to be bothered with them (hahaha…I really don’t mean that).  This first day of school was slightly different.  This week it will be five months since my wife passed away.  It is kind of difficult for #1 and #2…mainly #2 because of the biological bond that was forged since conception.  Last night as I finished up some last minute school shopping it was kind of surreal.  I mean, since my wife was sick for so long I knew how it felt to do the bulk of the shopping.  She came along as much as she could, but after being in the mall or the store for an extended period of time, she was wore out.  It is difficult as I type because I think of a some instances where we went shopping for the children or the house and she was just so happy to be out.  She was just bubbling over with joy by going to the mall.  Even though I had to push her around in her wheelchair it didn’t matter.  Sometimes it was hard, but I didn’t care.  Her face would literally light up like a kid on Christmas morning….all because we went the grocery store to get groceries for the week.  Today was not the typical first day of school day….it really sucked.  My babies held it together though (I guess I can’t say babies since they are in 7th and 5th).  Even though they didn’t really do anything out of the normal, there definitely was something absent in the atmosphere.

I’m done with school for two weeks now and I can’t believe that I got a dang on “C” in Algebra…like I always say, it is well documented my feelings with Algebra…no more Algebra rants this quarter.  I have sucker classes this quarter…Political Science, Psychology, Business Customer Service, Interpersonal Communication, and Weight training…14 credit hours of BS…hahahaha….can you say Dean’s List???

#1 has his first football scrimmage of the season tomorrow night.  I never tell him how good he is.  Dude is straight cocky….but not over the top….folks tell me he got it from me.  I beg to differ.  See I had Cockidence (man maybe I should patent, copyright or something to that one)…that is a combination of cocky and confidence.  This dude can be over the top sometimes (I lied initially…hahaha).  Dude is terrible.  I hope the team does well.  I tell him that I can care less if they win.  I actually can’t stand to lose, but I tell him that I just want to see improvement from practice to practice and that will translate to the game.

I actually have been working on my novels again.  As time goes on I’ll give keep you posted on the progress of them. Well, I need to wrap this up.  I have several good blogs that I want to post this week…stay tuned, I think you will love ’em.

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
– Albert Einstein



Posted by on August 26, 2008 in Family, My Children


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Banana Splits Make Me Sick

When I was a young boy I used to do the damnest of things.  I mean I was your typical mischievous boy.  I used to fight, I would torture (will not like physically abuse) my younger brothers…man, I was just a boy.  Back in the day my favorite dessert was a banana split.   My chubby tail would do ANYTHING for a banana split.  Okay, I was about 9 years old…well somewhere in that 7-10 year old range and my parents and I went car shopping.  I will never forget, they wanted a Lincoln.  So we are at this Lincoln/Mercury dealership (I cannot disclose the location…you’ll see why).  Back in the day when you would go to finance a vehicle you would be there ALL day.  I really didn’t want to go with my parents this day, but as a parent how do you get a chubby kid to do something….either threaten their life or offer them a snack.  My mother did the second.

So against my better judgement I decided to go.  Well first off, it was hot as a damn oven on this day.  Maybe I was more impatient opposed to hot.  I mean you are 9 or so, at a dealership and there is nothing to do.  So we walk the lot for what seemed to be an eternity with this goofy looking car salesman.  He looked like Joe Pesci in My Cousin Vinny.  Anywho, my parents pick the car and they go inside the dealership and start negotiations.  I’m sitting outside the office playing with papers and crap.  You know as a kid you can make up some of the craziest games.  A matter of fact, I was 7 years old now I come to think about it.  I remember this lady with a big ol booty coming to give me something to drink.  After forever it seemed like my parents had to go back on the lot with Joe pesci.  At this point I am heated.  All I can think of is my dang on banana split.  Now here is the confession…..

I thought they had already settled on a car….needless to say that they were looking at other cars now.  This really pissed me off.  So we walked (with Joe P leading) from the back of the lot to the front.  I was holding my moms keys.  As we went thru each row of cars…hahahahha….this is so foul, I pulled out my mothers keys and walked next to car….needless to say maybe 50 cars or so had these long gashes in them…that was so ignorant…the morale to this story (and Bertha would appreciate this one)…..never mess with a chubby kid and his desserts.

I did not have sexual relations with that woman. – William Clinton


Posted by on August 22, 2008 in Confessional Friday


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I Need Speedbumps

Rewind Wednesday…..enjoy….

Speed bumps….whose bright idea were these????  Have you ever been driving along in your own little world….like in a daze of some sort, not really caring or paying attention to your surroundings.  This happens to me often.  I can get in my car and just space off.  A few days ago I encountered one of these episodes.  Shortly after I got off of work I was on my way to visit my wife in the hospital.  On my way to the hospital, I stopped to pick up my two children.  The more I drove, the more I became engrossed in my thoughts.  Just drifting along.

Out of the blue, I quickly came back to my senses…as I heard my two children in the backseat arguing over who’s going to play the Xbox 360 first when we get home from the hospital.  At that moment I noticed I was approaching a very large speed bump in the middle of the road.  I had just enough time to slow down and not do any serious damage to my car….even though I did ride over the bump rough…everything was okay.

After this experience, it made me realize the power of the Lord.  I heard a wise man say that sometimes the Lord had to throw calamity (speed bumps) in lives in order for us to slow down a witness the view…to witness His strength.  Isaiah 48:17-18 says ….17 This is what the LORD says your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. 18 If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river,  your righteousness like the waves of the sea.

See this particular day my calamity was my children arguing…..what’s yours???

I remember to the day when I wrote this post.  My wife was really sick.  I had just picked up both of my children…I actually was coming from #1’s mother’s house.  Man this really brings back memories.  How have I grown since this initial post????  I still have the speed bumps in my life.  Sometimes they seem more like steeplechase hurdles.  The difference between then and now is I have experienced more pain and I am still growing.  The process is extremely difficult, but my steps are ordered.  A friend on mine told me shortly after my wife died…that, “all sunshine and no rain makes a desert.”  Thank God for speed bumps.

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”-MLK

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Posted by on August 20, 2008 in Rewind Wednesday


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Whew….these last two weeks have been a BLUR.  I’ve been so busy that I haven’t even had the time to talk with you.  Okay, first I guess I have to somewhat post a retraction…but really not a retraction more like I need to clarify my stance about the last post I left….hahahaha.  I took a tad bit of backlash for Chronicles of a Booty Bandit.  People, I do not go around at church staring at women tails.  I am not a pervert…hahahahaha….yes, someone called me a perv, but I know that they were somewhat joking.  Now that we have that out of the way…what has Dew been up to…

Hmmmm, lets see…first off there are only two days left in the Summer Term, so this weekend I think I need to celebrate.  I don’t know what I’m going to do, but after these last twenty weeks of school, I need to release something.  I don’t do clubs or bars, so this can be slightly complicated.  What do you suggest I do?

Ya’ll know I DO NOT condone drama in any sense.  Dew does not function well in drama, so usually when drama comes my way, I either de-escalate the situation or I just get the hell out of the way.  I love simplicity in its purest form.  I don’t know what that form is, because I haven’t met it yet, but when I find that bliss, I’ll let you know. 

#1 had a birthday party this weekend.  It was cool I guess.  It got kind of emotional because I purchased my wife a necklace before she passed.  She never got a chance to wear it…well she did for a few hours.  Lemme give you a backdrop real quick.  When we first got together, I told her that I don’t do Hallmark Holidays…meaning Valentine’s Day and Sweetest Day.  I mean what is the purpose of both of them anyways.  I feel like if you don’t get a paid day off for it, then it is not a holiday (I know so more backlash is coming).  These are women holidays.  What I did was tell her to pick one.  I compromised.  That was cool the first year our two, but after that we just really didn’t even acknowledge the days….at least as far as going out buying stuff.  We would maybe go out to eat, but no buying all these lavish things.  This past Valentine’s Day she was really sick, so I decided to buy her a small necklace with a pendant on it.  It wasn’t anything extremely expensive or even big (wifey was not a flashy, jewelry type woman).  It fit her demeanor.  Well I decided to give #2 the necklace at her party…so you can imagine how that one went…

We went to Kings Island Sunday, so my body is still re-couping from that.  We had a great time.  #1 is not really a heights type of dude, so that was kind of funny to see him get on some rides…..but #2 is just a beast, she just turned 10 and she got on stuff I really wasn’t feeling…she got on these.. Invertigo , Son of Beast , Drop Zone , I can go on…but you get it.  #1 got on Adventure Express , Congo Falls , Fairly Odd and Viking Fury . So you make the comparison…mind you that #1 will be 12 next week..hahahaha.

I think I might blog twice today…maybe something more profound…hell I dunno.

It isn’t the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it’s the pebble in your shoe. – Muhammad Ali


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Posted by on August 19, 2008 in Family, My Children


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