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Monthly Archives: January 2010

Existing is no longer an option….

Would you rather live or exist? This is a question that I have been pondering for quite some time now. For many years I actually felt that living and existing was the same thing. I mean…what was the difference. They seemed to be interchangeable…to live is to exist and vice versa…right?  Since this journey I am on came to pass…I’m quickly learning the difference in the two. See existing doesn’t take any effort. We as humans need oxygen to exist…but anything additional to that is what we make it…when you exist you continue to be…but living brings forth an entirely different set of circumstances…circumstances that allow for us to make a choice. I choose to live, but I have no alternative to exist.

Living means to exhibit vigor…gusto…to attack life with the enthusiasm of new beginning. Each choice I make…each step I take is consumed with living. I’m no longer making topical decisions. When we live…we are internally taking deep breaths and realizing what our true purpose in life is. Passion…excitement and love radiates through living. I have decided to live…existing is no longer an option at this point in my life.

I strongly believe as we continue to just merely exist…we are sabotaging ourselves…internal genocide is what I would call it (wow…I am systematically exterminating ourselves…that’s deep…or maybe that’s just me again). So many of us settle for existing that we are miscarrying what we are truly intended to do. How many of us can say that we are indeed happy with our present lives? I know that there are many people that have achieved this bliss…I don’t know…existing is negligence to me. I want to flourish. I want EVERYTHING that is due to me. That starts by living. Hell maybe I am rambling again…who knows…dysfunctionality (is that a word) at its best…

We can’t go back in time and change what we have done. If we did it…it’s done. We have to press forward and live. Existing is behind us. We should refuse to carry a spirit of a necrophiliac nature. Live life to the fullest.

 
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Posted by on January 30, 2010 in Change

 

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Much is Required….

Okay…alright already… I know that I use incorrect grammar and punctuation when I write.  Lately I have received an influx of new readers (thank you and I really appreciate you) and some of you have sent me messages about my horrible use of grammar and mechanics…some of it is intentional some not…but I write based on how I feel and however it comes out…that is what you get, so it is filled with raw emotion and terrible punctuation.  If I go back and revise, I believe that you will miss out on the essence of what I am attempting to convey. Now since that is out of the way…..

 …..for some crazy reason I have been getting clobbered over top of my head about this subject of change.  I know I have posted several times on this topic…but every time I attempt to proceed in my process, I quickly revert right back to change. 

 As I looked at the definition of change…there was one constant theme…to alter…to transform…to switch…change is all of the things above…BUT when I think of change I think of  making either an essential difference often amounting to a loss of original identity or a substitution of one phase to another.  See when we change old things are passed away…we become a new creature.  Those situations I used to deal with…I tend to shy away from….at least that is how change is supposed to work.

 When I look at myself I would always want to change…but I was only willing to put in temporary work.  Temporary work only gives us shallow results.  That’s why I always seemed to be caught in this spiral of mediocrity.  I would lose 30 pounds…pick 35 back up.  I would be on fire for God and then back to being lukewarm again.  There was no consistency in my everyday walk.  Well maybe I guess the consistency was being inconsistent.  Go figure…the man with all the answers for everyone didn’t have the answers for himself.  Wow!

 As I am beginning to climb out of my bucket of inconsistency filled with heartache and sorrow…mixed with grief and despair…I am quickly realizing that all this pain was preparation for my destiny.  How can I be the man that I was called to be when I needed to spring clean all year?  I can’t! I hear people say all the time…I am who I am…hell…I’m guilty of say that myself…yeah we are who we are…but that is a cop out.  We are what God says we are.  You can’t add or take away from that.  I am starting to understand the scripture more and more each day that “for whom much is given…much is required.”  What gave me the audacity to think that I was going to go through life unscathed?  Yeah right…if I am going to be great…I must endure the highest of mountains and lowest of valleys.  Like I said previously…change has not changed…until changed has changed.  That means change is repetitious in nature.  It is in constant evolution mode.  Why do you think we encounter four seasons each year…because the earth is in constant rotation. 

 I can’t call it people…maybe it’s just me…who knows…I’m dysfunctional anyways…until we meet again!  Be blessed and highly favored!

 
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Posted by on January 26, 2010 in Change, Me, Religious

 

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Change has not “changed” until….

…change has changed.  This is one of my favorite sayings of all time.  I’m not sure where I picked it up from, but it is really significant.  Many times we go out on this wonderous adventure of changing our lives…whether it is as a part of a resolution…a pact…or whatever the case may be and the change is temporary.  Well have you ever sat back and wondered why sometimes you go out of this journey and change has happened…but shortly there after you revert back to the very thing you received delivery from?????  Well you are not alone…I’ve been in that boat often.  That is why this saying sticks with me like a sore thumb…“change has not changed until change has changed”…we must go through a complete cleansing of whatever the particular situation is…not only must you change from a surface perspective…but the change be internal in nature.  One thing I definitely know is this…internal turmoil will become external actions…Change is from the inside out…if you wanna change…you must do something you have never done before!

 
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Posted by on January 25, 2010 in 1

 

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Top 10 Things You SHOULD do/say to a man….

Dew’s Blog has always claimed to be an opportunity blog you know…so after posting my blog from yesterday I received some extremely interesting feedback about it.  Much of it was positive…but you know I caught a little flack…so in fairness I decided to post a Top 10 blog I received from a friend that is the polar opposite of mine.  I do want to clarify my stance…in no way, shape, form or fashion did I purposely intent to come of chauvinistic, degrading or full of bull excrement.  Even though this was for entertainment purposes only, I truly believe that some of list can be beneficial when relating to a man.  I will post the list and add my comments as needed…without further ado I present to you… Top 10 Things You SHOULD do/say to a man….

 

Top 10 Things You SHOULD do/say to a man….

10.  Never admit that your wrong. Okay…I have a slight problem with this one.  How is this beneficial in a relationship?  Not admitting guilt seems to be somewhat juvenile in nature.  If I am wrong I will admit my fault…point blank.  This practice needs to be reciprocated for any long lasting, stable and healthy relationship.  Let’s see…its two of us in the house…if I didn’t do it…who else did?  I dunno….maybeeeeee Casper did…lol…Just joking ladies.  I can see this point of view, but no relationship can prosper with this mentality.

9.   Reward and punish with “cookies.”  How else will he learn?  WOW…again…not in agreement…but if you have that type of relationship then I can understand.  Basically that seems like a form off manipulation.  If I do good…then you put it on me…if I’m bad then you take it away.  Sounds like what my mother used to do to me with my Nintendo back in the day.  Be very careful though…a less of a man might seek to frequent another establishment.  Nabisco doesn’t make the only cookies in town.

8.   Demand a JOB from yo man or that he be actively seeking one!  Now this one I agree with A LOT…except for the fact that I think that there are exceptions to every rule.  I’ll inject myself into this situation…I was a warehouse/logistics manager for several years.  A year after my wife passed away I decided to finish my dual degrees (actually bachelor’s in history and business management…master’s in history and eventually doctorate) I worked 50 plus hours a week (not just work…managed an entire warehouse and controlled every logistical aspect of it), went to school full-time, took care of my terminally-ill wife and two children.  Now as of June of 2009, I stop working and continued with my education.  There are things outside of logistics that I want to obtain.  I went back to school for not only myself…but to show my children it is possible and to live out the dream my wife and I had.  Okay if you said a man with no direction…then I would completely agree.

 7.   Seek a fictional character exhibiting any and personality traits/characteristics that “you have always dreamed of” (I.e.:  Edward Cullen).  I don’t even know who he is…but I think one should seek out qualities of those tangible people…I.e.: Michelle Obama, Oprah Winphrey…etc.

6.   Never believe yo man when he says..”she’s just a friend”  I agree with this slightly as well…but for the record men and women can strictly have a plutonic relationship. 

5.   Never believe yo man when he says..”she’s only my baby momma”  Hmmm…interesting if a woman is dealing with a man that refers to his “child’s mother” as a baby momma…then you probably need to throw him to the curb anyway…Baby Momma itself is a degrading and demeaning term. 

4.   Always have the upper hand! Control needs to be established.  WTF?!?!? Control needs to be established.  This is not OSU vs. Michigan!  If a person feels the need to establish control then are you really in a relationship?…sounds more like a dictatorship.  Control is shared…it is duality in nature.  Maybe understanding and respect might apply here more.

3.   Apply the 3 strike rule!  Now this one I actually agree with.  A man is only going to do what you allow him to.  If he is constantly in violation…then you might have LIG him (Let it Go).

2.   Trust actions more than words.  Again this is a good one…but again there are exceptions to rules…if a man is visually doing all the right things…what is he doing behind the scenes.  “It’s not you I don’t trust, darling. It’s your private thoughts that give me pause.” – Kathy Bates (A Family That Preys)

 AND THE #1 RULE IS………

1.   Train his A-S-S to be what he should have been when you first met his sorry self!!!  Umm ladies…he is not a pet (even though he might have dog tendencies)…if you have to TRAIN HIM TO WHAT HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN…THEN THAT IS NOT A GREAT PICK BY YOU.

 
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Posted by on January 20, 2010 in Nothing about Nothing

 

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10 Things a Woman Should Not Say/Do to Her Man….

I’ve wrote about this once before, but for some reason I have received several messages to re-post and update 10 Things a Woman Should Not Say/Do to Her Man….

10. Never compare your man to any fictional…made-up…character that resides in a movie, book, song or soap opera.  No you man is not Nick Newman…and he will never be!  There is a reason why it is fictional…It’s not TRUE!

9.  Do NOT tell your man he needs to go to the gym.  Chances are if he was chubby (hahaha) when you met him…he’s probably gonna stay that way. 

8.  Tell him that, “you care about your friends more than me”…In most cases this is NOT true.  He probably spends a lot of time with his friends because there is something lacking at home.  Instead…watch and learn your man…cater to him more often…but don’t spoil him.  You don’t want a spoiled man…that can be trouble (well not really…lol).

7.  Do NOT…I repeat Do NOT ask a man if he “loves” you.  Chances are if he is smart the answer will be yes.  He would be a fool to say, “no baby, I don’t love you”…His actions are the best indicator…plus many men don’t do well with the verbal thing.

6.  Please…don’t tell a man that he is soft.  Attention ladies…men have egos…some have HUGE egos.  Let him think that he is the king of all kings.  Give that ego just enough attention and you will be fine.

5.  Don’t try to change him…allow him to be a man…appreciate the man that he is…but don’t settle.  If he isn’t the type of man you want…there are many fish in the sea.

4.  This can be higher…please DO NOT BOTHER A MAN WHEN HE IS WATCHING HIS SPORTING EVENTS…especially if it is a playoff, tournament or his favorite team.  If you do…somebody might be sleeping on the couch that night (and he probably won’t have a problem doing it).

3.  WOW…this is a good one…Under no circumstances should you use the “cookies” as reward or punishment…the bakery should be open 24/7 (unless…well you know…when nature calls).  It is not right to control a man with the pastries…this is sooooo wrong!!!

2.  Never say, “I only slept with (insert number here) guys before you.  Some…well most men can not handle the truth…and for some of the ones that can…he probably has follow-up questions which then leads to answers he can’t handle.  Even though many men want a woman that is experienced and can pleasure him…he doesn’t want her to be experienced…if you know what I mean.

DRUM ROLL PLEASE…………..AND THE #1 Thing a Woman Should Not Say/Do to Her Man is….

Joke about your man’s sexuality.  I don’t think I really need to expand on this one.

 
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Posted by on January 19, 2010 in Nothing about Nothing, Relationships

 

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I’m Probably Gonna Get Flack From This One…

…but why is it that most of the women I “encounter” drive around in a dirty vehicle?  I’m not talking about the exterior…but the interior is looks like a grizzly bear has romped through it. This post was inspired by a Facebook status post I came across today (thanks K. Sat). I promise I have seen it all…from chicken bones to schoolbooks thrown on every part of the interior.  I have seen high heels…empty fast food bags…candy…panty hose…I just can’t call it.  Now many of you might say this is a typical “man’s” job…but come on ladies…that doesn’t give you a free pass to just so whatever.  I know a woman that the inside of her windshield is so caked with flith I thought she had tinted windows. You know the funny thing about it is I hear the same line…”well you know how the kids are”…hahaha what a pile of crock.  Children do exactly what you allow them…but what about women that don’t have children???(hahahaha) Here are some of the comments that folks generated via the Facebook status: DISCLAIMER:  The views expressed in this publication do not necessarily reflect the views of  Dew’s Blog.

  • “Man that sh#t is so true bruh. Lol. They b havin that damn car lookin and smellin like a damn house on wheels! U liable to find anything from old panties to rotten food. Smh”
  • “I KNOW MY CAR NASTY LOL” (this is from a woman)

I wanted  to write something a little more light-hearted tody…Well at the end of the day…it is what it is…ladies…ladies…ladies!!! LOL.  Have a great weekend and talk soon.

“The mother must set the example in holding out the shrine as the heart of the house hold! She must enforce discipline over the children in personal cleanliness in humility and hospitality, in good manners and acts of service.” – Sri Sathya Sai Baba

 

   

 
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Posted by on January 15, 2010 in Facebook Friday's

 

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“We Have the Right to Refuse Service”…

…have you ever seen this disclaimer posted at an establishment?  I know I have.  When I was younger (even up to just a few years ago) I thought that this was an ignorant practice…a form of discrimination.  I was under the impression that since I have money…since I am educated…since I have cultural capital…I should be able to frequent anywhere I want to…this is AMERICA right?  The grand ol U. S. of A…what do we call ourselves…the land of the free and the home of the brave (yep thats it).  I learned that businesses do this because they want to attract a certain demographic group.  They want to maintain an appearance…which is key to any business.

As I became “wiser” not older (age does not donote wisdom) I started to shift in my thought process.  Wisdom is accquired through experience…living…learning and application.  Businesses…organization and establishments have the sovereign right to refuse service.  Why not???  It’s their money…its their property…its their name.  How does this apply to us…hmmm…we need to adapt this practice more often in our lives.  I’m willing to bet if we incorporated it…we would be involved in much less calamity.

We have to realize that this is our lives that we are in control of…”we are the masters of OUR fate…the rulers of OUR destiny.”….so why should we let circumstances and situations influence OUR thought process.  This is my life…this is YOUR life…when the smoke settles…it is WE…it is US…it is YOU…it is I that are held accountable for our lives.  We  cant use the excuse that someone did this…or somebody did that…ultimately we decided not to REFUSE SERVICE.  I am thinking it is about time I started to refuse service.  The next time you are caught in a situation…reflect…did you refuse service…did you filter what demographic you allowed to manifest in YOUR business?  Do you value YOUR service?  If not…maybe YOU should exercise “YOUR RIGHT TO REFUSE SERVICE”…..

 
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Posted by on January 13, 2010 in Nothing about Nothing

 

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