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Category Archives: Nothing about Nothing

It’s Dating….

. . . Not a Relationship….

Now anyone that remotely knows me knows that I am a Facebook junky.  When I am bored…I get on FB…when I’m in class…I get on FB…as soon as I get outta church (even sometimes in church)…I get on FB…hell sometimes I even get on FB while I’m in the shower…I bet you get the picture.  Initially I used FB as a platform for buffoonery…but lately I have used FB as a totally different medium.  I have used it for inspiration and motivation.  Through each post I see daily there have been a few that have caught my eye and some in depth discussion has been birthed from it….which brings me to this…Okay…okay…hold on…lemme back up for a second.  I know that there are some of you that have NEVER read any of my blog postings so let me warn you in advance…I do not edit my writings…I do not censor and I allow my feelings to flow however…I ramble and have a goofy sense of humor…so when you read this…know that this is all done with the first take…straight shot no chaser….

Anywho…the other day I came across a status that I found extremely intriguing…so I decided to ask a friend of mine to co-write this blog with me…so without further ado I would like to introduce my girl Vee…Vee thanks for gracing your presence on this blog…   

Ladies it’s time we separate what dating is and what a relationship is. Dating, to me, is the discovery time. Once you discover who he is then desire a relationship based on the connection. You can’t have a connection with someone you are only having sex with, That’s called a sexual attraction and we easily try to relate the two. We need to stop putting our all into one man who you think has potential, only to find out later that he is nothing like we thought. It’s because you are trying to wife him up instead of trying to discover who he is as a person. What we do when we meet a guy is run him down through our mental list. Does he have a car, job, money and if he has children? Once he has passed that phase in your mental cycle, you then pay attention to his actions. Does he call, text and pay you some kind of attention throughout your day? If he shows those signs you think you hit the jackpot! We tend to draw ourselves emotionally to that man especially if sex is involved…

The issue we have is a lack of distinction between the two “ships”…friendship versus relationships which leads to an incorrect perception of what the “ship” truly is.  Like Vee stated…it is pertinent to separate what the two is.  Just because interest is shown by him that doesn’t necessarily constitute a realization of substance to the “ship”.  Before one can discover who he is…she must identify who she is!  Without a clear comprehension of this ma’am all you will do is meet his representative. You can’t discern what he is because you don’t know what you are.  See understanding comes first from within. Wipe the mirror so you can see the reflection. What do you value…what is important to you?  Maybe it is the midday text that they seek Vee…or is it the supergasmic feeling that he makes them feel Vee?  Is it the whip he pushes or the title that is associated with his name?  Is it his looks…his story…his education…his mouth piece…is it the chase…the rush you get …the feeling in the pit of your stomach when his name pops up on your caller ID?  See all these things are superficial ma’am.  Those women that chase these things typically fall into the trap of being in a relationship with him…when he is just dating you…true story.

What tends to happen is a couple months go by and you think everything is going great until you hear or see something he has potentially done. How would you react if you seen him with another woman or He doesn’t answer the phone when you call. . . You’re only dating right? Why are you reacting to a man you are only dating? You shouldn’t be. You are reacting because you have become emotionally involved with a nigga that is only dating you! Dating doesn’t equal a relationship and giving him pussy doesn’t either. Set a standard if your goal is to have a long term relationship with someone. Let that be known from the beginning so he knows this is what you desire. If this is not what he wants then you make a decision whether you want to be involved and everything that happens from that point is your own damn fault. If you never clearly define what it is…how you can expect him to respect what you perceive it is.

Stop being so anxious to jump in the bed with a man! Good Pussy & head isn’t gonna make him change his mind. It might buy you some time but it won’t make him be in a relationship with you…(wow that is real Vee…I love you for that)…but if that was a little to blunt for you come close…let me let you in on a secret …Ima reinforce what Vee stated…regardless of how you can contort your limbs and make him feel all so swell…a good man won’t be swayed by that and a great man won’t allow you to.

Ladies we have to stop confusing dating with being in a relationship…If he doesn’t have similar interest in you. Quit treating this dude like your man when he only treating you like a friend! Then that way your feelings aren’t hurt and you can save yourself from disappointment! If you never get a grip on what it truly is…all he is doing is swallowing the meat and spitting out the bones…

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Posted by on April 21, 2011 in Nothing about Nothing, Relationships

 

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1917 miles…36 1/2 hours…the Chesapeake Bay and Compasses…

When working with or on me God always uses the simplest of things to grab my attention. The last 48 hours of my life has not been any different. I want to share an experience or three with you from these hours. I don’t know how this might come out…it might be raw…informal…personal…edited…I dunno…it might be a combination of all of these…it might be kinda long…or I might chop it into several…hell I so don’t know so I’m just going to write and I guess we’ll see….

“Thank God for giving me this moment of clarity…this moment of honesty…the world will feel my truths…through my hard knock life times…my gift and my curse…I gave you volume after volume of my works so you can feel my truths” – Jay Z

I was taking my “oldest” son to Norfolk, Virginia this past Saturday evening after a whirlwind of events had transpired when these lyrics smacked me in my face. I was driving down a 10% grade decline in some mountains somewhere in West Virginia. Hmmm…lemme back up for a sec…my day actually started at 6 a.m. all the way back in Middletown, Ohio. Me and my boys woke up kinda early because we were travelling to Columbus to see the boys state basketball championship…see the school my “oldest” son and I coach football at was playing in the Finals at 10:30…so it was important for us to get out kinda early to beat parking and all that mess. We knew we had a long day ahead of us because after the game we were travelling back to Dayton and then down to Virginia…lets see…fast forward now….

“Thank God for giving me this moment of clarity”…as I’m maneuvering down these mountains and crazy looking towns in West Virginia the sun sets…and the weather starts to change…its raining and sleeting a bit. The twist and turns of the mountains are absolutely crazy….as I come up on a decline that lyric hits me along with a phrase… “Emotional Compass”…I’m not too sure what that is about…but okay…I’ma roll with this God…you have never steered me astray. Midway down this slope it hits me….BAM… “Emotional Compass”…we as people…well lemme talk about me and maybe you can relate…me as a person I’m constantly driven my emotions…I’m an emotional being. I don’t too much make brash decisions anymore…but the vast majority of decisions that I have made was strictly based on my mood at that moment. I allowed my “Compass of emotion” direct the path that I decided to take. Now sometimes that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing…because I should “trust” my gut…but what happens when raw emotions infiltrated “my gut”…Yeah…that usually ended up all bad.

So as I’m travelling down this slope I’m kinda hesitant…because for one…it’s a slope in the middle of some big ass mountain with no lighting around…and for two it is raining profusely and I’m not about to make some channels nightly news in my haste. Emotional compass…it hit me…how often have I made a decision and I have got caught smack dead travelling down a slippery slope and there was no turning back…wow! Kinda like the raining…slick slope I was actually driving down. That’s crazy….well maybe I’m the only one that gets it…He uses the little things to get my attention.

As I get thru this part of the mountain I’m kinda in another emotional place. I can feel that He is working on me in this very moment…giving me “moments of clarity” that are much needed. At this point we approach another stretch where here are these absolute crazy twists and turns…which kinda made me start to think about my life. How life has all these turns…this stop and go traffic…these twist…that are uncontrollably controllable…Now you might say what does that mean…walk with me for a sec…See the conditions and the state of the roads were uncontrollable (on my part)…but I was able to control and dictate my actions while driving thru them…uncontrollably controllable. That is how life is…full of curveballs…its nothing you can do about the type of pitch thrown…but you can do what you need to do to be able to hit a homerun…Okay…maybe that one was for me too…lol. You can’t let you “emotional compass” navigate you…you navigate your compass.

Eventually we get through this terrain…but the vast majority of the time we didn’t have a GPS signal…hmmm…no GPS signal…no phone signal…NOTHING. This is extremely interesting…I remember before I left I googled the directions just to take a look…to familiarize myself in the direction that I was to travel. I’m coming back to this later.

We finally make it (ahead of schedule)…but behind schedule because we actually hit the highway almost two hours later (does that make sense?). It’s time to depart in the morning…just a few hours of sleep because I have a 9:45 class in the Monday morning (the first day of Spring Quarter). Say my goodbye to my boy…wish him well and all that…it’s raining like crazy again leaving…but ooh well I gotta go. As I am driving my mind is wondering back to the “emotional compass” thing again….and I so happen to look up and I am in MARYLAND…hahahaha…how the hell that happen. I’m like, “Damn…ain’t this a sack of shit! (apologize for the words…but I’m just being real)”…Not paying attention I done ended up at the Chesapeake Bay…man that is sooooo funny. I gain my composure and continue to drive. Now my route has drastically changed. I went from going back through VA and WV to going through MD, PA, WV and OH…hahahahaha….yep route altered…one of those curveballs I talked about. One thing that happened as I drove through Maryland….the clouds cleared…it became sunny and it was so beautiful. It was unlike that crazy feeling I experienced the night before driving through West Virginia.

As I took this alternate route the more I drove…the better I felt. It finally hit me (now I’m coming back to that “googled” thing). See before I left Dayton I googled the directions and glanced at them…I didn’t want to be solely depended on the GPS…I just wanted to know in advance…that is how God works…what would have happened if I was solely dependent on the GPS…I would have been completely lost…but I had the foresight to glance over the directions before I left. Its like this…we as people depend on the most convenient things…the easy way out (GPS systems) opposed to good old fashioned directions (the Word). GPS got me in the vicinity…but the directions got me to the destination…WHOA!

Walk with me one more minute…Even though the ride through going back was 2 hours longer than the ride going to…it was more subtle. It was comfortable…it was beautiful. I had the ride of my life…its like this…I went thru the storm the night before…but the next day I experienced bliss…

Psalms 30:5 “…weeping may endureth the night…but joy cometh in the morning…..Lord thank you for this moment of clarity….thank you for guiding my “emotional compass”…it took me 36 1/2 hours…1917 miles…a slippery slope…Chesapeake Bay and 4 toll booth to realize it…what’s it gonna be for you?

 
 

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Ooh it’s not just me….

…that still believes in discipline.  Tuesday evening I was at baseball practice with #1 throwing batting practice and I seen something that I have not seen in years.  I witnessed a mother taking her belt off and whooping her son’s tail.  Now the kid was not on my team…but another team that practiced at the same complex.  Okay…if any of you know me…know I stay in comic relief form…so my first intuition was to laugh…sorry I couldn’t help it.  After she continued to discipline him (not hit him) I thought about how this generation of child just does not get disciplined as past generations.  Now I’m not condoning beating on a child…hey…a firm belt on the tail still can get the job done.

 
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Posted by on May 6, 2010 in Nothing about Nothing

 

Top 10 Things You SHOULD do/say to a man….

Dew’s Blog has always claimed to be an opportunity blog you know…so after posting my blog from yesterday I received some extremely interesting feedback about it.  Much of it was positive…but you know I caught a little flack…so in fairness I decided to post a Top 10 blog I received from a friend that is the polar opposite of mine.  I do want to clarify my stance…in no way, shape, form or fashion did I purposely intent to come of chauvinistic, degrading or full of bull excrement.  Even though this was for entertainment purposes only, I truly believe that some of list can be beneficial when relating to a man.  I will post the list and add my comments as needed…without further ado I present to you… Top 10 Things You SHOULD do/say to a man….

 

Top 10 Things You SHOULD do/say to a man….

10.  Never admit that your wrong. Okay…I have a slight problem with this one.  How is this beneficial in a relationship?  Not admitting guilt seems to be somewhat juvenile in nature.  If I am wrong I will admit my fault…point blank.  This practice needs to be reciprocated for any long lasting, stable and healthy relationship.  Let’s see…its two of us in the house…if I didn’t do it…who else did?  I dunno….maybeeeeee Casper did…lol…Just joking ladies.  I can see this point of view, but no relationship can prosper with this mentality.

9.   Reward and punish with “cookies.”  How else will he learn?  WOW…again…not in agreement…but if you have that type of relationship then I can understand.  Basically that seems like a form off manipulation.  If I do good…then you put it on me…if I’m bad then you take it away.  Sounds like what my mother used to do to me with my Nintendo back in the day.  Be very careful though…a less of a man might seek to frequent another establishment.  Nabisco doesn’t make the only cookies in town.

8.   Demand a JOB from yo man or that he be actively seeking one!  Now this one I agree with A LOT…except for the fact that I think that there are exceptions to every rule.  I’ll inject myself into this situation…I was a warehouse/logistics manager for several years.  A year after my wife passed away I decided to finish my dual degrees (actually bachelor’s in history and business management…master’s in history and eventually doctorate) I worked 50 plus hours a week (not just work…managed an entire warehouse and controlled every logistical aspect of it), went to school full-time, took care of my terminally-ill wife and two children.  Now as of June of 2009, I stop working and continued with my education.  There are things outside of logistics that I want to obtain.  I went back to school for not only myself…but to show my children it is possible and to live out the dream my wife and I had.  Okay if you said a man with no direction…then I would completely agree.

 7.   Seek a fictional character exhibiting any and personality traits/characteristics that “you have always dreamed of” (I.e.:  Edward Cullen).  I don’t even know who he is…but I think one should seek out qualities of those tangible people…I.e.: Michelle Obama, Oprah Winphrey…etc.

6.   Never believe yo man when he says..”she’s just a friend”  I agree with this slightly as well…but for the record men and women can strictly have a plutonic relationship. 

5.   Never believe yo man when he says..”she’s only my baby momma”  Hmmm…interesting if a woman is dealing with a man that refers to his “child’s mother” as a baby momma…then you probably need to throw him to the curb anyway…Baby Momma itself is a degrading and demeaning term. 

4.   Always have the upper hand! Control needs to be established.  WTF?!?!? Control needs to be established.  This is not OSU vs. Michigan!  If a person feels the need to establish control then are you really in a relationship?…sounds more like a dictatorship.  Control is shared…it is duality in nature.  Maybe understanding and respect might apply here more.

3.   Apply the 3 strike rule!  Now this one I actually agree with.  A man is only going to do what you allow him to.  If he is constantly in violation…then you might have LIG him (Let it Go).

2.   Trust actions more than words.  Again this is a good one…but again there are exceptions to rules…if a man is visually doing all the right things…what is he doing behind the scenes.  “It’s not you I don’t trust, darling. It’s your private thoughts that give me pause.” – Kathy Bates (A Family That Preys)

 AND THE #1 RULE IS………

1.   Train his A-S-S to be what he should have been when you first met his sorry self!!!  Umm ladies…he is not a pet (even though he might have dog tendencies)…if you have to TRAIN HIM TO WHAT HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN…THEN THAT IS NOT A GREAT PICK BY YOU.

 
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Posted by on January 20, 2010 in Nothing about Nothing

 

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10 Things a Woman Should Not Say/Do to Her Man….

I’ve wrote about this once before, but for some reason I have received several messages to re-post and update 10 Things a Woman Should Not Say/Do to Her Man….

10. Never compare your man to any fictional…made-up…character that resides in a movie, book, song or soap opera.  No you man is not Nick Newman…and he will never be!  There is a reason why it is fictional…It’s not TRUE!

9.  Do NOT tell your man he needs to go to the gym.  Chances are if he was chubby (hahaha) when you met him…he’s probably gonna stay that way. 

8.  Tell him that, “you care about your friends more than me”…In most cases this is NOT true.  He probably spends a lot of time with his friends because there is something lacking at home.  Instead…watch and learn your man…cater to him more often…but don’t spoil him.  You don’t want a spoiled man…that can be trouble (well not really…lol).

7.  Do NOT…I repeat Do NOT ask a man if he “loves” you.  Chances are if he is smart the answer will be yes.  He would be a fool to say, “no baby, I don’t love you”…His actions are the best indicator…plus many men don’t do well with the verbal thing.

6.  Please…don’t tell a man that he is soft.  Attention ladies…men have egos…some have HUGE egos.  Let him think that he is the king of all kings.  Give that ego just enough attention and you will be fine.

5.  Don’t try to change him…allow him to be a man…appreciate the man that he is…but don’t settle.  If he isn’t the type of man you want…there are many fish in the sea.

4.  This can be higher…please DO NOT BOTHER A MAN WHEN HE IS WATCHING HIS SPORTING EVENTS…especially if it is a playoff, tournament or his favorite team.  If you do…somebody might be sleeping on the couch that night (and he probably won’t have a problem doing it).

3.  WOW…this is a good one…Under no circumstances should you use the “cookies” as reward or punishment…the bakery should be open 24/7 (unless…well you know…when nature calls).  It is not right to control a man with the pastries…this is sooooo wrong!!!

2.  Never say, “I only slept with (insert number here) guys before you.  Some…well most men can not handle the truth…and for some of the ones that can…he probably has follow-up questions which then leads to answers he can’t handle.  Even though many men want a woman that is experienced and can pleasure him…he doesn’t want her to be experienced…if you know what I mean.

DRUM ROLL PLEASE…………..AND THE #1 Thing a Woman Should Not Say/Do to Her Man is….

Joke about your man’s sexuality.  I don’t think I really need to expand on this one.

 
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Posted by on January 19, 2010 in Nothing about Nothing, Relationships

 

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“We Have the Right to Refuse Service”…

…have you ever seen this disclaimer posted at an establishment?  I know I have.  When I was younger (even up to just a few years ago) I thought that this was an ignorant practice…a form of discrimination.  I was under the impression that since I have money…since I am educated…since I have cultural capital…I should be able to frequent anywhere I want to…this is AMERICA right?  The grand ol U. S. of A…what do we call ourselves…the land of the free and the home of the brave (yep thats it).  I learned that businesses do this because they want to attract a certain demographic group.  They want to maintain an appearance…which is key to any business.

As I became “wiser” not older (age does not donote wisdom) I started to shift in my thought process.  Wisdom is accquired through experience…living…learning and application.  Businesses…organization and establishments have the sovereign right to refuse service.  Why not???  It’s their money…its their property…its their name.  How does this apply to us…hmmm…we need to adapt this practice more often in our lives.  I’m willing to bet if we incorporated it…we would be involved in much less calamity.

We have to realize that this is our lives that we are in control of…”we are the masters of OUR fate…the rulers of OUR destiny.”….so why should we let circumstances and situations influence OUR thought process.  This is my life…this is YOUR life…when the smoke settles…it is WE…it is US…it is YOU…it is I that are held accountable for our lives.  We  cant use the excuse that someone did this…or somebody did that…ultimately we decided not to REFUSE SERVICE.  I am thinking it is about time I started to refuse service.  The next time you are caught in a situation…reflect…did you refuse service…did you filter what demographic you allowed to manifest in YOUR business?  Do you value YOUR service?  If not…maybe YOU should exercise “YOUR RIGHT TO REFUSE SERVICE”…..

 
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Posted by on January 13, 2010 in Nothing about Nothing

 

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You are YOU….

and I am I.  It took me a long time to realize just that.  You are you…and I am I.  Often many times we easily forget where we have been in our lives and lose track of our purpose.  In my former life (hahaha) I could have seemed to come off just slightly judgmental…umm I think some of those assumptions were fair…but I wouldn’t  necessarily call it that…maybe more unharmonious to certain situations.  What I am constantly learning is that we all have our own process.  Just because I can’t see out of your glasses doesn’t make your vision blurry….The point of it all is simply this…we all must experience OUR own set of circumstances…situations and adversity.  We have to all learn how to be less judgmental and more supportive…. Be blessed all…Much Love

 
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Posted by on January 6, 2010 in Nothing about Nothing

 

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