Monthly Archives: April 2011

It’s Dating….

. . . Not a Relationship….

Now anyone that remotely knows me knows that I am a Facebook junky.  When I am bored…I get on FB…when I’m in class…I get on FB…as soon as I get outta church (even sometimes in church)…I get on FB…hell sometimes I even get on FB while I’m in the shower…I bet you get the picture.  Initially I used FB as a platform for buffoonery…but lately I have used FB as a totally different medium.  I have used it for inspiration and motivation.  Through each post I see daily there have been a few that have caught my eye and some in depth discussion has been birthed from it….which brings me to this…Okay…okay…hold on…lemme back up for a second.  I know that there are some of you that have NEVER read any of my blog postings so let me warn you in advance…I do not edit my writings…I do not censor and I allow my feelings to flow however…I ramble and have a goofy sense of humor…so when you read this…know that this is all done with the first take…straight shot no chaser….

Anywho…the other day I came across a status that I found extremely intriguing…so I decided to ask a friend of mine to co-write this blog with me…so without further ado I would like to introduce my girl Vee…Vee thanks for gracing your presence on this blog…   

Ladies it’s time we separate what dating is and what a relationship is. Dating, to me, is the discovery time. Once you discover who he is then desire a relationship based on the connection. You can’t have a connection with someone you are only having sex with, That’s called a sexual attraction and we easily try to relate the two. We need to stop putting our all into one man who you think has potential, only to find out later that he is nothing like we thought. It’s because you are trying to wife him up instead of trying to discover who he is as a person. What we do when we meet a guy is run him down through our mental list. Does he have a car, job, money and if he has children? Once he has passed that phase in your mental cycle, you then pay attention to his actions. Does he call, text and pay you some kind of attention throughout your day? If he shows those signs you think you hit the jackpot! We tend to draw ourselves emotionally to that man especially if sex is involved…

The issue we have is a lack of distinction between the two “ships”…friendship versus relationships which leads to an incorrect perception of what the “ship” truly is.  Like Vee stated…it is pertinent to separate what the two is.  Just because interest is shown by him that doesn’t necessarily constitute a realization of substance to the “ship”.  Before one can discover who he is…she must identify who she is!  Without a clear comprehension of this ma’am all you will do is meet his representative. You can’t discern what he is because you don’t know what you are.  See understanding comes first from within. Wipe the mirror so you can see the reflection. What do you value…what is important to you?  Maybe it is the midday text that they seek Vee…or is it the supergasmic feeling that he makes them feel Vee?  Is it the whip he pushes or the title that is associated with his name?  Is it his looks…his story…his education…his mouth piece…is it the chase…the rush you get …the feeling in the pit of your stomach when his name pops up on your caller ID?  See all these things are superficial ma’am.  Those women that chase these things typically fall into the trap of being in a relationship with him…when he is just dating you…true story.

What tends to happen is a couple months go by and you think everything is going great until you hear or see something he has potentially done. How would you react if you seen him with another woman or He doesn’t answer the phone when you call. . . You’re only dating right? Why are you reacting to a man you are only dating? You shouldn’t be. You are reacting because you have become emotionally involved with a nigga that is only dating you! Dating doesn’t equal a relationship and giving him pussy doesn’t either. Set a standard if your goal is to have a long term relationship with someone. Let that be known from the beginning so he knows this is what you desire. If this is not what he wants then you make a decision whether you want to be involved and everything that happens from that point is your own damn fault. If you never clearly define what it is…how you can expect him to respect what you perceive it is.

Stop being so anxious to jump in the bed with a man! Good Pussy & head isn’t gonna make him change his mind. It might buy you some time but it won’t make him be in a relationship with you…(wow that is real Vee…I love you for that)…but if that was a little to blunt for you come close…let me let you in on a secret …Ima reinforce what Vee stated…regardless of how you can contort your limbs and make him feel all so swell…a good man won’t be swayed by that and a great man won’t allow you to.

Ladies we have to stop confusing dating with being in a relationship…If he doesn’t have similar interest in you. Quit treating this dude like your man when he only treating you like a friend! Then that way your feelings aren’t hurt and you can save yourself from disappointment! If you never get a grip on what it truly is…all he is doing is swallowing the meat and spitting out the bones…


Posted by on April 21, 2011 in Nothing about Nothing, Relationships


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