Okay people….how many ways can I say it…I’m sorry….I apologize….my fault….my bad….oops….I KNOW that I was supposed to post a blog yesterday and that was the plan…UNTIL I was thinking fastball and the pitcher threw me a curve ball. I have so much to talk about today. This was the plan…I was supposed to write yesterday afternoon and post the blog but I botched badly on the execution of that play. My creative juices were flowing yesterday and I was in rare form. So during the duration of the day I jotted down things that were coming to me. I initially had a blog that I typed up that I wanted to share with you and then I was hit with that proverbial curve ball again. I really can’t stand that damn pitch!
The more I want to move forward, the more that I keep re-visiting some things in my life. This is leading me to believe that it is not time for David to move forward. There has to be something that I need to address and accomplish before I go on to the next chapter of my life. I mean, when will this sage end….sometimes I feel like this is a never-ending story….like I have two puzzles that someone mixed together and I have to sort them back into two and shift them around to make this beautiful masterpiece.
Tomorrow as we all know is Thanksgiving. This is the day we sit back and reflect on all that we have been thankful for. For people like me, it is a day of reflection just to tell God thank you for allowing me to make it to another Thanksgiving Day. The day will be bitter sweet for me because this was Ronya’s favorite holiday. Don’t get it twisted, she loved Christmas, but Thanksgiving was her day…she loved to cook for the family. Last Thanksgiving, she started cooking TWO days ahead. It was so funny because as most of you know that she didn’t do too much walking at all. Due to the loss of muscle mass alot of her movement was really hindered. So she wrote me this gigantic list of stuff to buy. I remember walking through the store crossing the things off her list. I went out and purchased her some cutting boards so she could cut the food up right in our bed. She was just soooo happy to be home for Thanksgiving and to be able to cook. Actually, I was just thinking the other day…she was so adamant that she be home and be able to cook for the holidays…I now know what that was for….She knew that this was her last Thanksgiving so she wanted it to be special.
Since we were together Thanksgiving had always been over my in-laws house. Last year she wanted it at our home. So against my wishes intially I caved and said yes…see the problem is that at that time our apartment was not equipped to hold the volume of people….but somehow it worked out for the good. I’m extremely happy that I caved. I remember walking out in the living room and just looking at the smile on my baby’s face as she just laughed and joked with the family….for the life of me I just can not understand why is it that bad things happen to good people. Why is it? The more that I type the angrier I get.
You know I have so much dysfunction in my life it is crazy. Ooh yeah people, David goes through it on a daily…but I am functional…so if you don’t know me you will not have a clue that I have issues. It is like a drug abuser that hides their addiction. I don’t know people….maybe I’m just not in the holiday spirit this year. It is like my joy was ripped away from me…
Anywho, back on track…David has pet peeves. For those that know me, they tend to call me mean, evil….down right nasty at time. I think that they confuse that with just being straight forward. I mean when I am fed up with a situation, I just basically cut it off by the knees…regardless of everyones feelings….does that make it right or make me mean…I can answer that…no and no….that is being real. Which brings me to my next point….I know that this part of my blog has nothing to do with what I have been writing or have written…it has its own theme. I have two really, really serious pet peeves….
- I can’t stand to repeat myself
- And more importantly I can not stand to deal with things that are not real
See the thing is that your boy…can be ruthless at time….ut ooh…..I think I am writing this as Dew. At times I can really care less about what the world thinks….I am NOT a conformist…I am a revolutionist…Change comes via two modes…evolution (conform) and revolution (revolt). I refuse to fall into the stereotypical category of just going long with the program because that is what is always has been….hell to the naw…not me.
Okay…I feel those that conform are not real…they are just adapting to their surroundings like a chameleon. That is not the true you. Conformist are usually bitter because they are stuck in a situation that they really do not like…but their mindset is so damn juvenile that they can not rise above what they are accustomed too. See Dew…I’m not conforming to nothing…won’t do it. I refuse to lower my standards that I have set for myself and my family. I refuse to be the bitter brother…sorry not gonna happen. I’m going stick to my guns and believe in what Dew believes in…..damn being like everybody else. Dew has to do what is in the best interest of my family.
Conformist will bring you down by any means necessary….they want you to “see” their point of view….and they use any avenue to point explain or defend their point. People…I just really can not stand for folks to not be genuine…at least let me know where Dew stands so then that way I know. Do not smile in my face and huddle like a pile of cackling hens behind my back. Anything Dew will say in the dark….I spit in the light. I know that this is sounding a little bitchy people….and I apologize…most of ya’ll might think I am doing a Katt Williams and going crazy…naw…all is well…but people just can ruffle you in a way that brings out a ignorant side. See I chose this forum today as an outlet of my frustrations….so if I am unexpectedly thrust into a certain situation, I have been able to get things off of my chest…..
Okay much better now…back to regularly scheduled programming….