…..I was sitting here thinking in the middle of taking a break while writing a paper for my Lit class and I thought about revenge. What if I had the oppurtunity to get back at everyone that has ever wronged me…what would I do? It was like the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. I promise I was cracking up. I started to think about all the little stupid mess I would do. Like I would kick one of my 5th grade teachers in the balls or throw rock salt in the eyes of that woman that knocked out most of my windows in my car years ago…hahahaha sorry about that one (I don’t condone violence towards any woman). I’ll give you that story on one of the Confessional Fridays….anywho…what would you do if you had the oppurtunity…..inquiring minds wanna know????
Monthly Archives: July 2008
……from childhood to adulthood is all together something many of us had difficulties dealing with. I find it ironic that in my Literature class I am doing a comparison/contrast paper based on the rite of passage as I’m currently experiencing the identical thing. The transformation from child to adult is not merely a physical and emotional journey, but more importantly, ones mental state plays a vital part in the process. Just because our bodies have progressed from child to man or woman like characteristics and traits, it is imperative that our minds catch up with the evolution process (i like that, i’m putting that in my paper as we speak).
Physically I’ve passed through (emotionally as well)….but I have stunted my growth by not reaching my full potential mentally. This comment somewhat contradicts one that I made yesterday, but not exactly. I am mature…I am better…I am stronger….but mentally all the puzzle pieces are not aligned perfectly (and no I’m not talking about being crazy). I’m talking about mentally doing everything that is associated with adulthood. I guess I’m kind of piggybacking off of Rewind Wednesday. We mentally make childish decisions that stunt the advancement of our lives. We might not realize it at that specific moment, but when you sit back and reflect at some of the decisions that you have made, you can figure out why you are in the position you are currently in.
Okay, enough of that….I think I was writing my paper on the blog today…hahahaha. The purpose of the blog today was to show you all my tatoo and get suggestions on how I should cover it up. Well tell me what you think??? Please your input is valuable….
“You won’t realize the distance you’ve walked until you take a look around and realize how far you’ve been.”
As promised, you second installation of Rewind Wednesday…..
Man I have three days until I turn 31 and I have mixed feelings. I never thought I would make it to live this long. Not because I grew up in an extremely rough environment (which I did), but because I didn’t have the foresight to look that long. Growing up, all I could think of is now and could have cared less about later. Now that I’m more established (better than saying older) my outlook is completely different. From 16-25 all I could think about is money, women and self gratification….not necessarily in that order, but you get the drift. As I continue to broaden my horizon, I see that or should I say I learned that there is more to life than those things. Some lessons were easier learned than others, but the thing is I learned them and they stick with me to this very day.
Reflecting on where I came from, I thank God for that selfish period in my life. That period helped me to realize that I love growing up. I thank God for my wife and two children. Dang I’m about to turn 31…thank the Lord! Thank Him for not giving up on me. One of my favorite verses in the bible is…I Corinthians 13:11 (NIV)…When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
Here I am a little over a year after this initial post and my life has taken a dramatic turn. My horizons are broadening by the minute. My attitude is mature. My life is continuing on the right track. People it is a season for everything, sometimes your harvest my not come when you want it, but it is definitely right on time. We have to continue to press forward and put away things that are childish….the things that hinder our advancement….those fatal vices that strip the life away from our bliss. We all have them. We might not encounter them on a daily basis, but they are there…..nagging us, talking to us. Maturity…that is an awesome word….we (especially those that are parents_ need to set the correct example for our children. Remember…it is NOT….”do as I say, not as I do”….it should be….”do as I do.”
Where am I compared to this initial post? I am stronger…I am wiser…like the song says…I am better. I thank calamity for coming into my life. It has molded me to the person I am now….Talk to me people….
You don’t learn to hold your own in the world by standing on guard, but by attacking and getting well hammered yourself. – George Bernard Shaw
I had to lighten the mood up today. I know it has been merely four months to the day since my wife has passed on. I went into detail yesterday about her last day or so. I just want to put a different spin on this day. I know that she would not want me to drag around, so with that being said, I just want to talk. I was thinking yesterday in my favorite spot to hang out. This is where I make most of my major decisions. Where you say….it is my bathroom. I have made some life altering decisions in there. Sometimes, I just grab a book and sit down. I don’t even have to use it. I just sit and read. I might get in the shower…I might pray…hahahaha. I think it is something symbolic of praying in the bathroom, the same place you cleanse yourself or ….you know….how can I say this diplomatically, you know, somewhere you go to relieve excess fluids and waste (see that wasn’t that bad). Anywho, I was just chillin in there and I started to think about things….and I come to the conclusion that I think I want to get me a motorcycle. Hmmm, this is an interesting one, because I can hear my wife right now in my ear,”Boy, you better not get a bike!” I also have came to the conclusion (and this is more serious)….that I want to move. I always knew that I was wasn’t going to be here in Ohio for the rest of my life. Even though I have lived in a couple of other states, I eventually moved back home.
I actually moved back home for good reasons, for my family. My wife and I always talked about moving to Dallas. There are some advantages to moving to the Lone Star state…for one, the Cowboys, some good ole BBQ, job market, education (for me and my kids), family (not much, but at least I would know someone), a change of pace and a release…the drawbacks…man it is hot as skunk breath there, it is HUGE, traffic and leaving family. I know that this is a big decision. I have actually thought about moving to Omaha too…pros (some of the same as Dallas), family, education…drawbacks…I’ve been there, done that…hot as skunk breath times two and I can’t stand the Cornhuskers…I’m mean I’m not moving anytime soon, but I can see it definitely in the works….I gots to pray on this one…but Dew more than likely will be taking his show on the road.
I have a question, it is kind of two-fold. If you are into bikes, help a brotha out…#2, any suggestions for other cities or comments about these two…?????? I look forward to reading all of your responses. By the way, I’m going to post a picture of my tatoo that I told ya’ll I want to cover-up…
Both tears and sweat are salty, but they render a different result. Tears will get you sympathy; sweat will get you change. – Rev. Jesse Jackson
I love to blog. I use this for various reasons…whether it is entertainment, to inform, to generate a certain action….sometimes stupidity…and probably the most important reason…therapy. For those of you that really haven’t delved into my blog, I am a father of two children…you might say,”ok, what so important about that. Many people are fathers?” My circumstance is that I am a widower at the age of 32. So when I say that I use this as therapy, being able to just air out my dysfunctional (hahaha) feelings helps me tremendously.
Today being the 28th of July is extremely difficult for me. Actually since my wife passed on the 29th a few months ago, these two days seem to haunt me. Maybe haunt is too grim, but they just seem to put me in a mood that makes me squimish a bit….it seems to make me reflect on something that I really don’t want to. The 28th is the date that symbolizes the day that my life change forever. It was the day I got the call at 8:04 in the morning telling me that…well let me give ya’ll the conversation…first let me start off by telling you that I left the hospital about 1am that morning. My wife was sleeping peacefully and I decided to go home a get a few zzzz’s before I went to work for a hour or so, then back to the hospital…after leaving the hospital, I called her nurse when I got home. The nurse informed me that she was doing good, and could call me at the end of his shift (6am) and give me an update. I talked with the nurse about 6:30 am and he informed me that everything was going well. I told him to let her know that I was on my way to work (I manage my department) and I will be in around 9am or so….This day was kind of different because it was the first day of Spring Break for my children. My daughter went over my mother-in-laws house the night before and my son decided to stay with me. As my son and I got ready to leave for my job, I remember telling him, “David, get something to read, you know we are going to the hospital early today. I just have to go in (to work) and make sure everything is fine.” I get to work exactly at 8am…and I’m going about my normal routine. I have a meeting every morning with my staff. On my way to meet with my staff I get a call. It is her doctor….:
- Me: Hello, this is David
- Doc: Mr. Dewberry, this is Dr. _________, how are you this morning? (at this time, I’m thinking he is just going to give me an update)
- Me: Oh, hi Doc! I’m fine, just about to go into a meeting. How are you?
- Doc: I wish I could be better. I just got a call from the staff at the hospital and we have some concern here.
- Me: What type of concern?!?!?
- Doc: I think that you should get to the hospital as soon as possible. Ronya’s condition has taken a dramatic turn for the worst in the last hour. I’m sorry Mr. Dewberry.
- Me: Sorry, what are you talking about?
- Doc: I’m sorry, I don’t know how to really say this, I think that you should call whoever you want to be at the hospital with her. I’m not sure if she will make it thru the night.
- Me: Okay (I’m in shock right now)
I let my staff know, and I get #1 and we rush out. On my way to the hospital, I call my in-laws, my parents (they live in another state), and a few close friends. I get to the hospital in less than 5 mins. The hospital (driving normally) is about 11 mins away. I get to the ICU room and they tell me that they were able to finally get her blood pressure UP to 50/20. Her heart rate was erratic. She was aware and cognizant to what was going on. She was unable to talk because she had a tube in her mouth to help her breathe for the last week. They wanted to have her body concentrate on healing opposed to breathing.
She was able to wink and mouthed words to me…by this time my friends and my in-laws and other family members are arriving. This was a little after 9am. The doctor finally arrives and lets me know that the next 24-48 hours are going to be critical. She has some of the best doctors in the region, so I put my trust in them THRU God. My baby fought all day long. Visitors came and went. More stayed. Man, that woman was a fighter. I have so much admiration for her. She was supposed to be dead long before she died, but her perservence and faith in the Lord was sufficient enough to keep her. As the hours went, she went up and down…she was battling…hanging in there for us. She was winking to me…mouthing that she loved me…kissing me…everything. As the night went on she just couldn’t fight anymore. They checked her blood levels every 15 mins…and I was told by the doctor and nurse…that they have never seen someone still be living with blood gas levels this bad….I was told that, “these blood levels are totally unlivable.” Her heart was still going 120 beats a minute. It went from the 28th to the 29th and I sat in the room with her, by myself. Her body was here, but her spirit had moved on. It was like a swing…after you jump off…when you look back, the swing is still in mid-flight, but you are off of it. I laid with her, slept with my head next to her, and kissed her…and finally at 5am on the 29th, I went back out to the waiting room with my family. I knew I needed to get some sleep because, when I woke up, it would be someone getting me ready to see her last breath.
Sure enough…7:15am, I was awaken. I walked thru what seemed to be this long, dark, cold…space on my way to the room my baby was in. She was in the back of the ICU, so we had to walk past everything. The alarm is blaring, letting everyone know that there is someone is cardiac arrest and all available staff needs to come and help. My son is still in the waiting room with my brother-in-law. My daughter was gone with my mother-in-law. They left a few minutes before I was awaken, to go get some meds for my mother-in-law. On either side of me was my aunt and cousin. My father-in-law was in front. I knew what I had to face, but I couldn’t walk. My legs were numb. My thoughts were scrambled. I thought about my daughter. I thought about my son….I thought about the pain Ronya was going thru. As were are approaching the room…all eyes are on us. I get to the room and there are 10 or 15 people in the room. They are administering CPR…they seem to be on every limb of her body. Watching them, each thrust is so violent. My father-in-law is sitting at the end of the bed crying, my aunt as well. My cousin is crying too…I’m the only on that is not…because she had prepared me for this. She told me that she was going to die when she turn 30. She turned 30 three weeks prior. CPR isn’t working. The doctor is on his cell, trying to get back to ICU. He tells me that if the CPR doesn’t take hold in the next few minutes that, “we should really think about how we want to proceed.”
Two-minutes are up and her heart kicks back on. She is pumping. I know it was her telling me that everything was okay, and do what I needed. At that time is when the first tear started to stream from my face. I walk out the room for a second and come back and her heart flat-lines again. At this moment, I start the CPR again….after two thrust, I tell them, “that is enough….stop”….with a smile on my face. How many people think that they are going to grow up and have to be the one to pull the plug on someone that they love. The person I was the closest to. My wife, my best-friend….my soul-mate. I knew at that time, that she was in a better place…no more pain, no more surgeries, no more nothing, just bliss. As they shut the machines down and left, everyone vacated the room except for me and he doctor. I watched as he checked her vitals and went over every part of her body…we simultaneously looked at the clock…March 29, 2008 at 7:47 am…..
Love is stronger than death even though it can’t stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can’t separate people from love. It can’t take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.”
….okay before I start with my confession, I want to introduce you to my new spot. Fridays will be called Confessional Friday. You know my blog is versatile. I have my heavy days and then I some lighter ones sprinkled in. The genesis of this spot was one of my random thoughts in Algebra class (speaking of Algebra, I got a 90 on the test the other day). Here are the rules:
1. You have to either make confession about something you did as a child that nobody knows about or
2. You have to make a confession about something you have done during the course of the current week.
3. You can not judge anyone for their confession. It can be light-hearted or serious.
With that being said, I have my first confession. As a kid, I believe I was in 6th or 7th grade. Actually it was 7th because I was coming home from basketball practice. My friend (Bertha) and I got off the Activity Bus to go home. The Activity Bus was a school bus that took students home after extra-curricular activities during the course of the school year. We stopped at my house first, I didn’t see any of our cars there so I fumbled around looking for my key and couldn’t find it….so we walked up the street to Bertha’s house….same thing, nobody there either. Now here is the dilemma, we are boys in 7th grade…GROWING boys and we just got out of basketball practice, so you know we are starving. We wait at his house for a tad bit longer…still no parents. Now desperation is setting in. Not that we are worried about our parents….be we are super hungry. We walk back down to my house…still no cars. As the hours passed (okay not hours, but it seemed that long) and our stomachs are growling we decided to go to the corner store. We both looked in our pockets…all that was there was lint. You know where this is going. Bertha and I devise a plan that we are going to go in and pilfer some Little Debbie Zebra Cakes from the store.
…….okay, I did not have any title for this post, so I just used the first thing that a saw when I put my head up.Here I go again on my Algebra rant. I just got out of class and I had a few minutes to burn, so I thought that I would spend them with you…ain’t that special (excuse the english). Tonight I had test in Algebra and surprisingly it was fairly easy. Okay, it was either easy or my professor had pity on the class. I hope it is the initial, then that means I’m paying attention is class and actually learning…opposed to thinking about other random foolish thoughts. Man sometimes in that class my mind gets to going. I think about all sorts of things…case in point, after my test today…HOLD ON….listen this is why I always ask the “woman” question….I promise I just don’t understand. To all my ladies out there…ya’ll are a different beast (and I mean that in a good way)…Lord knows I love ya..but I just don’t understand why some of you do the things that you do. I promise I’m not going go on that tangent again, but just to let you know…I had another random woman come up to me and say some ol out the way stuff. I mean it wasn’t rude or goofy, but sometimes you just got to shake your head. It is not like these are young women…I mean they are GROWN women. I just can’t believe some of the stuff that spews out of the mouth of these ladies….Sometimes I feel like the roles are reversed and I’m the courtee (if that is the word) and not the courter….you know what I mean.
But uh, back to the lecture at hand…where was I??? Oh yeah, today during our lesson, I was thinking about what would I do if I had 77 million dollars. My natural response was to think about my church other other community wellness projects the Brain (J ) and I are working on….then I thought about SHOES. That is so ignorant. I just thought about all the shoes I could buy for like 20 G’s. The bad thing about it, is that this is so materialistic and I’m not even like that. I do like to dress nice and smell good….but man, I … thought about how superficial that was. You know me…I had to take a step back from the sit-cha-ation…that’s right, not situation, but sit-cha-ation and really re-evaluate somethings. Is Dew becoming materialistic???? Naw…not me…no way!!! hahahaha. I thought about #2…baby girl had her hair braided up into a mohawk last week…Man what is it with this mohawk infatuation?? I mean…babygirl is beautiful, but she reminded me of that Rooster on Bugs Bunny and Friends…or was it the Chicken Hawk…I dunno…anywho, my time is up tonight. I have 4 short stories and 2 chapters to read tonight…on top of 3 500 word responses to the stories….AND I’m cooking…so I guess that it will be a long night for ya boy…
If we all worked on the assumption that what is accepted as true is really true, there would be little hope of advance. – Orville Wright