Financial Aid and Sidewalk Chalk…

Disclaimer…this post was actually intended to be released on 12/22…even though a few events have changed the basis of the post is still intact.  Felt the need to let you know…so you wouldn’t think that I was all the way dysfunctional…just slightly. 

I’m in the process of placing the finishing touches on my financial aid for the winter quarter and also registering for classes as well…ok hold on that was so random. Let me explain…due to my neglect I forgot to do a few things correctly and it seems that unless my appeal is granted, yours truly will have to pay or sit out this quarter at school. That sucks…but improperly prioritizing and not being thorough places me slap dab in the middle of this…so I have nobody to blame but the author of this post.

As I walked on campus today it seemed slightly different…there wasn’t an overbearing Christmas feel to the campus…in all actuality…I really hadn’t paid attention that Christmas was this Sunday until the other day when it was mentioned to me…true story. Well as I walked (and this happens a lot when I’m alone…I’m sure yall know this by now…I think)…thinking for me can go several ways and today was not any different. As I left the college of liberal arts main office…I looked around just because I can I guess…and I started to think about my goals and aspirations for the upcoming year…short, medium and long-term goals…excited, nervous and somewhat sad I was processing all the thoughts that I compiled. See the thing is that I don’t do resolutions…I think those stunt growth…I believe goals promote expansion…the average person usually honors their new year’s resolutions just for a few weeks. My short, medium, and long-term goals are an agglomeration..they each build upon the next.

Ok back on track…as I walked I looked down on the pavement and there to the left of me spray painted in ugly black handwriting…”U CAN DO IT”. Even though these are just a few simple words…they reign very much true. Kind of like a hand…seperate each finger serves a purpose but doesn’t have mighty power…but if you bind them together in a fist…you can strike a hefty blow.  “U CAN DO IT” I said aloud.  I was thinking of how this applies to my current season in my life (im actually debating on the level of transparency here)…many of you know that I made the executive decision…well not really I…it was me listening and being obedient to God’s word exactly 2 years and 6 months to the day to not work and continue with my education extensively. This was a huge leap in faith…but I did it…over the course of these months…I’ve experienced many highs and lows…emotionally, financially, spiritually…etc. this ride has not been easy…recently I’ve.decided to go back to work part-time while attending school. I know things will be harder…due to time constraints…but it can be done.

Fast forward…in life we are presented with obstacles…hurdles…some harder to jump than others…life is a complimation of trials and tribulations designed to strengthen you along your ultimate journey. During this journey we learn many things about ourselves..at least we think we do…one thing I know is that the resolve of a person never truly manifest until the ultimate adverse situation is encountered. Many times these situations are in stark contrast to our goals.

Where am I going with all this…let’s see…when we set goals…we are personally making a declaration about the course of our lives…we are no longer standing for the status quo in our lives…Proverbs 21:5 the plan of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to proverty..

What is this all saying…your goal is merely a plan…a blueprint. Before any sound structure can be built a blueprint is needed. Be persistent in your goal. Often it won’t be easy..and If it was easy…how fulfilling is it really.  Any plan executed over time properly will lead to profit…BUT if one isn’t willing to.endure the rigors of the journey and prefers to expedite the process…more than likely will lead to emptiness…

Simply…set a goal…press through the process…U CAN DO IT. remember this…achievement and sucess is not a single action..its a life long process…

 

I Have Much To Write…

…but I’m not sure how long I have to write it.  Hey everyone…its been some time again.  I know…I know…shaking my head. What can I say…I’m going to get it one day.  Hopefully it is sooner opposed to later. Okay, no empty promises, but I will try extremely hard to be more consistent with my writing.  School for me is slightly different this upcoming quarter…I’m predominantly taking on-line classes, so this should free up a tremendous amount of time where I can dedicate this to you.

Over the last couple of years I have written hundreds of blogs…the funny thing is many of them I never post.  I guess that is the quirky thing of being an alleged writer…A). one can write whatever they want 

and B). one can do with it as they please.  My goal is this for the upcoming year…TO BE CONSTANTLY CONSISTENT.  This is am enormous step for me, because I just haven’t been the structured type for a few years now.  I bet that inconsistent streak that peeks out from me often has caused the demise of many of  my “ships”…you know what “ships” are companionship’s, relationship’s, friendship’s…and any other one you can think of.

It happened again today people…well let me backtrack, this initially started about three weeks ago and culminated today.  It originated by me standing in a roll-a-way dumpster and completed with me on my hands and knees washing every centimeter of the bathroom today with a small rag.  One of this was by necessity, the other by choice…I won’t say which was what…but they both at first glance SUCKED!

Hold on…why did I do all that talking about writing blogs…well often I’m not sure what I write…I just write it…then if I feel the need to post…presto…cha-ching…ba da bing…you have it. Like I say all the time I write based on emotion…so if you pay attention to my writings…it’s easy to see the season that I am currently in…life that is.  Some time ago I met a lady…well met is too strong of a word…she was given my blog address and was interested in reading my writing.  Hell I don’t care who reads my work…I write to influence the mass (I guess)…naw…I’m lying…I write because it is therapeutic…Writing is like an epic orgasm to the soul for me.  Ooh no…sorry for the descriptive use of language…but that’s how serious writing can be for me.  Right…back to this lady…after she read a few on my post she became interested in my writings because we share a similar story…both have had a spouse pass away.  Now I’m not sure of any of the details of her situation…but I can feel her pain…Now I have NEVER spoken a word to this woman…nor exchanged emails…texts…or pleasantries…I just know of her.  After hearing a little bit of her story through our mutual contact I knew that at some point I would write a post for her…I just did not know when sooooo…and I never speak on people’s name’s on my post…but for these intended purpose I will…Ms. Evelyn…this blog is for you…

Life is life…it is what we make out of it.  It is filled with a plethora of smiles and cries…high and lows…there is an indefinite amount of adjectives that I can give for life.  There is one thing that I know Ms. Evelyn…one must learn to fall, before they can ever realize what getting up is.  All throughout life we are presented with obstacles that often derail our initial plans.  Growing up…we never think about the hurdles of life…we just know that we plan on being this successful person…maybe rich…good-looking…a beautiful house, family…dog and probably white picket fence.  We never think about the reality of things…sometimes bad things happen to good people.  We as people never ask for tragedy to happen…hell who wants that..but when we look at things sensible…before greatness is achieved…an epic failure has preceded it.

I remember standing in that dumpster a few weeks back…just thinking…”how and the hell did I get here?”…I’m not saying that this was a bad thing…but who the hell wants to be standing in a big ol dumpster?  As I looked over top of the opening of the dumpster I started to think about life…how many things in our life we discard…its not needed anymore…well its actually trash.  Let me tell you part of the reason why I was standing in the dumpster…I was actually clearing away some files from a storage closet that was no longer needed.  There was 365 days with of files, as you can imagine it was A LOT of files.  Instead of just throwing them in there any type of way…to maximize the space in the dumpster, I decided to get in and re-arrange things.

Now walk with me here Evelyn…today I was on the floor cleaning my bathroom with a rag.  It wasn’t my intentions to get down on my hands and knees…but my mop smelled like hot Cheetos and baby diapers…so that was a no-brainier. As I filled the bucket up with disinfectant and began to wipe the baseboards and the floor, I bent over in amazement…I don’t think that…scratch that I know that I have NEVER did anything like that before…so as I wiped everything…I started to get up…but I noticed under the faucet on the sink…there was some built up grime…even though the top of the faucet was exemplary…the bottom was less than desirable.  At this point Evelyn, my mind was wondering…because I know me…when I notice instances like this…it not normal…its time for me to zone in.

Why am I talking about “ships” and dumpster and mopping and such…this is the thing…it took me to be down on my hands and knees to be able to see all the filth of what was above me.  It allowed me to see how the surface…the exterior was “clean”…but the intricate…the interior parts of the faucet still needed to be clean.  It’s like that in life…you have to fall and sometimes fall hard to see what is needed to be seen.  Falling gives you a different perspective on life.   Like the files in the dumpster…sometimes we have to throw things away…we have to let things go…to truly receive what has been destined for us.  I had to clean out the storage closet to move newer things in…now I never will forget what was discarded, but what was discarded will help me cherish what is being imparted in my life.

Through all the pain you hold on to…realize this the crime is not in falling…the crime is in not getting up and progressing.  “Don’t be afraid to keep moving on, For what was before, now has gone, God wants to accomplish so much more, But we need to move forward in the Lord.”

Life is a full circle…what goes around…will definitely come back around.  You can never be the head until you have experienced being the tail.  Finish the race…complete your circle.  Even though I don’t know you Evelyn and maybe will never meet you…I love you!  I pray peace and blessings over your life.

 

Can you miss your…date with destiny???

I’m actually pondering that question as I type.   Can you miss your date destiny?  I’m not sure of the answer to that question…but one thing that I know for sure and two for certain…by the end of this post I’ll know exactly what it is that I need to know.  Today is already kind of different.  First off, you know that it has been extremely long since last I’ve posted.  Like normal…I must apologize for my tardiness…but I always say…I might be delayed…but I’m never denied. Ooh yeah…one more thing…FYI I don’t edit my writings…I do enough of that at school.  Back to regularly scheduled programming which is already in progress…. Can you miss your date destiny?  Well…can you? 

Over the course of the last few weeks I have encountered some sleepless nights…as usual my life has been overwhelming demanding.  Lets see…it’s finals week at school…I’ve taken a basketball head coaching position (at a middle school) and football…whew football has been crazy to say the least.  Of course I must apologize for my neglect…actually let me say that I’m sorry.  I’m not a fan of people saying, “I apologize”…that just seems like a thank you text message…really informal, that is done out of obligation opposed to sincerity.  When one says that they are “sorry” it just feels more genuine…heart-felt.  Can you miss your date with destiny?

Okay, background…the high school football team that I coach in my city made the state high school playoffs in Ohio.  In Ohio that is a big deal when a school makes the playoffs because there are roughly 800-900 schools that participate in sanctioned football and only 190 of these schools qualify to participate in the playoffs.  On top of that…my school earned a home playoff game.  In all the years of football existence…no public high school in my city has ever hosted a playoff game…so this was history in the making.  Secondly, my team was playing the #2 ranked team in the entire state in our division.  Doubly as important.  What makes this even more significant is that our school is in the inner city of Dayton and anyone who knows about demographics knows about my city.   Even though my school is not the only high school in the city, we carried the entire weight of our city on our backs.  See to many people in Dayton, this was more than just your average run of the mill game…it was BIGGER.  It was the underprivileged, misguided, poor, non-disciplined, inner city community…against the BULLY…the judgmental, privileged, disciplined, wealthy Catholic school community.  Your classic David versus Goliath.  Black versus white. 

Can you miss your date with destiny?  Let me fast –forward because I can really see this post getting out of hand and me missing the entire purpose of the blog…maybe even missing destiny huh?  Back to the game…both teams came out extremely focused and it was an epic battle…the lead was changed or shared several time…but at the end of the night…it was my team that upset the #2 ranked team in the state and pandemonium ensued.  This was only the third playoff win for the entire school district in over 75 years of high school football.  The shockwaves that this victory sent across the state was insane.  No matter where I went that following week…I was greeted with nothing but respect and admiration for this tremendous feat.  Okay…here I go folks…I’m really getting off track…promise I got you….

We advanced to the second round of the playoffs and we were in uncharted territory…win this game and we would accomplish something that no other Dayton Public School has not…advance to the third round of the playoffs.  This week of preparation was like no other.  Our children knew the significance of winning this game.  We were locked…loaded and focused.  It was only one thing that stood in the way off our date with destiny…the #1 ranked team in our region.  Be patient now…it’s game-time and now its time to cash-in on all of our hardwork, the blood, sweat and tears since January.  Destiny is on the other side of the window and she is looking awfully beautiful.  Our team took control of the game early and raced out to a 13-0 halftime lead.  All appeared to be well.  We’ve preached to our children all season…to be great you must be willing to go above and beyond…one must be able to tread in uncharted territories in confidence and impose its will.  Can you miss your date with destiny?

Follow me now…life is about focus and adjustments.  It’s never how one starts…its how one finishes.  Typically, the person that makes the least amount of mistakes…learns from the mistakes that they’ve made…adjusts and be able to withstand adversity will always be victorious.  Back to the game…without warning…we started to make uncharacteristic mistakes…we started to forget assignments…we began to play unfocused…and our opponent began to play more consistent…and via our mistakes…they exuded more confidence.  They made halftime adjustments.  As the minutes ticked off the clock our lead dwindled until the score was tied going into the fourth quarter.  We were 12 minutes away from dancing with our destiny.  With the weight of the city on our shoulders again…we slugged back and forth with the #1 team.  Like a #1 team should…their greatness began to radiate.  The adjustments that they made started to manifest even deeper…and our lack of adjusting began to be exploited.  Finally, with less than 4 minutes to play, they took the lead 20-13.  Now our backs are against the wall and we must mount a drive to win the game…we are fighting and clawing all the way down the field.  And with less than two seconds in the game we have the ball on 4^th down at our opponent’s 2 yard line to tie the game.  We ran the play and our running back gets the ball…and in a controversial call…our running back was deemed to had fumbled the ball before he crossed the goaline and the other team recovered the ball…there you have it…we lost.  Stunned, dejected, hurt, wounded and angry…our date with destiny stood us up.

Where am I going with this…see in life one is presented with opportunities.  It is the choices that one makes…it is the decisions that they make when adversity strikes.  The true character of a person is not determined at the time of the test…that is a life-long misconception…the true character of a person is determined at the time of the pop quiz.  Does that make sense?  You might or might not agree but let me tell you this…One has time to prepare for a test…but how does one perform during a sudden change?  When adversity strikes how well do you perform…are you able to stand strong…adjust and re-focus?  Destiny is a part of life…we are all destined for something…but it is our decision making or lack thereof that causes us to miss out on our destiny AT the original appointed time.  

So can you miss your date with destiny?  My answer is no…you can’t miss your date with destiny…sometimes she just decides to change the date to another day…

 

Addition by Subtraction…

Like usual folks when the mood hits me to write I’m generally at some different type of emotional state. I’ve said it countless times…I’m most definitely an emotional being. Unless its academically influenced its extremely difficult for me in this season of my life to just have at it and write…not sure where down the line that happened…but I figure while this season is in session im gonna roll with it. For me the past few days have been somewhat emotionally draining…but that’s my life and I’ve learned how to adjust to these days…AND NO I’m not bipolar or mentally unstable…I have all my marbles and my elevator goes all the way up to the top floor…but these are the life and times of  David Dew Sr.

Chance…one thing is for certain and another is definite…absolutely nothing happens by chance and there is a rhyme, reason and purpose for everything under the sun.
Funny how purpose reveals itself…I was walking through the store tonight and I started to think about my life…when I was hit with the motivation I assumed that this would be another reflection post…in a way it is but slightly shifted a bit…Addition by Subtraction, I thought I was done with this series but…

Life…is full of unexpected twist and turns and its our job to navigate through these obstacles with grace and diligence. I believe I’m gonna be transparency for a sec or so. Somebody once told me…”Dew you didn’t ask to to through what you’ve been through.” That’s a true statement. For the vast majority of us…we never ask for what we go through…but that event…situation…person or whatever it may be has purpose in your life. Even if we don’t initially see it…or understand why…that purpose was on purpose to serve its purpose.  Think about that for a second and I will come back to it.

Transparent…I remember after Ronya died there was a point in time where I had to focus…looking back now I really don’t believe it was focus…I was in shock. There were certain things I needed to do that was critical for the survival of my family. It was pertinent that I have tunnel vision. If I hadn’t only God knows where we would’ve been if I didn’t. Then it happened…the calm…the idleness after the storm. I was forced to address issues. Reality at times can be a harsh teacher. I can remember the week after she passed, we had a routine…I would leave church, walk in the parking lot, call her at the hospital and ask what she wanted to eat…every single Sunday I did that. So now service is over…I walk to the lot and pull out my phone to call her…and then it hit me…she’s gone. WOW…what do you do…I’m literally standing in the middle of the lot with a phone in my hand not knowing my next move…IN LIFE. Reality bites! Humans are creatures of habit…my routine is broken…what do I do? My wife was an enormous part of my life. Time…what’s gonna occupy that time now? Where do I go? How do you continue? Can I even get there?

Purpose…everything has purpose. There was a point in time I didn’t wanna be here. I just wanted die. No I wasn’t suicidal…but I just wanted to be gone. I went from this vibrant person…full of personality…to not caring. I managed my department at work. I stopped brushing my hair…I would wear a uniform to work didn’t matter if it was clean or dirty…I would wear these old beat to Hell Timberland boots to work with no shoestrings. I went to work late…it was a chore to get out of bed. When I got to work I would just go straight to my office and shut the door. I can remember taking lunch for 2-3 hours…I could care less. If it wasn’t for my three children I probably would have melted into obscurity. It was them that I now lived for…I no longer lived for myself…true story. If it wasn’t for them…I don’t think I would be here writing this blog. My children served a purpose in my life. They were the catalyst that rekindled my flame.

Obstacles…life is filled with them. Adversity comes via many means. What does one do when the obstacle comes…does one fight or flee? Is it what’s for me will be for me? Move…stay still…move while standing still? When these “barrier” moments arrive one presses. You see that obstacle has purpose. The problem is we focus so hard on the obstacle to we actually trip right over it. The focus should not be the obstacle…but what comes after we overcome the barrier. Watch me now…

Addition by subtraction…I had to go through that purpose in my life to serve my purpose. Ronya was a purpose…she completed her work on this earth. When I STOPPED focusing on what I no longer had (subtraction) God provided me with a series of  beautiful people in my life (addition). He gave me a second lease on life. I went through the purpose to become a better man…to become a better husband…to become a better father…to walk in my destiny. So when I marry this time…I won’t be tripped by the same obstacles.

Where am I going with this…FAITH. Before one can truly overcome an obstacle, one first must believe. One must have FAITH. See the thing is…I could not prosper because my focus was on my situation…not my solution. My solution resided in the Lord. Once I placed my FAITH in Him I was able to overcome….Isaiah 53: 4-5… 4Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. 5But he was wounded for our otransgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

 

The Prescription is the Answer

I guess this is becoming a habit…this on again and off again relationship that I have with blogging.  I promise I so try to be consistent with my posting, but it seems like I ran into that same issue again…time just always seem to just have its way with me.  Time likes to treat me like a red-headed stepchild.  It never gives me what I want and none of what I need.  I dunno…maybe it is I and I just have to do better.

I have so much to tell you and so much has happened to me, but like usual I won’t bore you with all the minuscule, inconsequential details of my life…I will save that for another time.  Hmmm…but I will tell you this…God over the course of the last week…has really been moving and revealing in my life.  Kinda like that “what’s for me will be for me” thing I talk about often.  Yep…He has been granting me a level of revelation that is crazy.  Let me get on with this because ya’ll know how I can get…start one way…get off subject and all of a sudden I’m talking about the price of tea in China and the Capri Sun sale I caught at Wally World in Franklin, Ohio.

I don’t want this to be too terribly long, but I’m just gonna write and see where this thing takes us.  Oooh before I forget…I have some new readers (yaaaaay me!) so I will preface this by saying, I don’t mute, edit or censor anything.  I believe in raw emotions…it’s a blog and full of my dysfunctional thoughts…so you will get misspellings…horrible grammar (at times)…and all the stuff that our English teachers used to complain about ….sooooooo whew now that’s out of the way….

I have been going through this transformation over the course of a week now.  It started last Monday I guess…I decided to go through self-enlightening period that I refer to as D.E.W….or David/Dew’s Enlightening Walk.  What I have decided to go is confess aloud either to a friend or via my facebook page or twitter (social networks UGH!) my enlightening epiphanic moments…some might be comical in nature, but they are all sincere.  I dunno…its just hard for me to be serious all the time…oooh there I go again…anywho back on task.

See this is the first week in quite sometime I had attended church more that once in a given week.  I actually went to a much needed revival for three days and went visiting a church…well not visiting… this is probably my home away from my home church.  I was blown away by some powerful messages preached and the Word that was deposited in my spirit and spoken over my life.  One thing I know is that God is definitely forreal and He is the truth.  God wiped me down this past week at church and He exposed me to myself.  I was spiritually raped with love…He exposed me to myself even though I see myself everyday.  Hold on…did you get that…He exposed me to myself…see we don’t realize that needs to happen for us to receive promotion.  We stand naked in front of ourselves everyday and look in the mirror and all we see is a carbon copy of something that is truly not real…smoke and mirrors…a reality filled with perceptions.  Okay…maybe that is just me. I’m just talking…don’t mind me.

Do you know that God has predestined us for greatness and we don’t even know it?  We stay stuck in the situations that we can physically see with our eyes opposed to grabbing a hold on to His Word.  I heard somewhere before, I think it was a movie…that, “the greatest trick the devil has ever pulled is convincing us that he doesn’t exist”.  This statement is so true.  How many times have you been caught in a rut far beyond be stagnant and you just accept that “it is what it is”?  That is the trick…He wants you to think that you have to settle, that you can’t rise above whatever the stumblingblock is.  We are predestined for greatness.  Before the DNA strains were carefully crafted and woven to construct you…God had ALREADY mapped out a plan for you.  Ephesians 1:11…in whom also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worked all things after the counsel of his own will.  So why we are running around trying to figure it out…God has already mapped it out…we in turn must be obedient to His word.

We must learn that the blessing come not via what we see…it comes via what we hear and the promise He has given us.  That’s why we need to quit walking around with out heads down.  We need to quit moving in our own will.  If He said He is going to do it…He will.  His timing is perfect when our timing is flawed.  He has pre-prescription on our lives.  Hold on…back up for a moment…a prescription is defined as: a direction, usually written, by the physician to the pharmacist for the preparation and use of a medicine or remedy.  Lets see here…walk with me for a minute.  Typically when we are ill we go to the doctor and depending on the severity of the problem he will write a prescription to help heal you from your ailment.  Look at this definition of prescription…lemme translate this for you.  A direction (a Word from God), usually written (The Bible), by THE physician (God in all His Glory) to THE pharmacist (Jesus, the Son) for the preparation and use of medicine (mercy, grace and favor) or remedy (promotion from your ailment).  See God will perfect and heal any matters that concern the heart.  He will be a dose of Divine medicine when the enemy attacks.  Don’t worry about the outcome, because the cure is thru the Pharmacist via the Physician.  Nobody comes to the Father, but thru the Son.  So we must first know and have a relationship with Jesus first.  The blessings will come (maybe that one is for another day).

I’m gonna have to stop on that one, because this post went way away from what I attended…but what I do know is that when God moves…He moves…just like that.  It is up to us to be obedient and stay rooted in His promise.  God bless you!

 

It’s Dating….

. . . Not a Relationship….

Now anyone that remotely knows me knows that I am a Facebook junky.  When I am bored…I get on FB…when I’m in class…I get on FB…as soon as I get outta church (even sometimes in church)…I get on FB…hell sometimes I even get on FB while I’m in the shower…I bet you get the picture.  Initially I used FB as a platform for buffoonery…but lately I have used FB as a totally different medium.  I have used it for inspiration and motivation.  Through each post I see daily there have been a few that have caught my eye and some in depth discussion has been birthed from it….which brings me to this…Okay…okay…hold on…lemme back up for a second.  I know that there are some of you that have NEVER read any of my blog postings so let me warn you in advance…I do not edit my writings…I do not censor and I allow my feelings to flow however…I ramble and have a goofy sense of humor…so when you read this…know that this is all done with the first take…straight shot no chaser….

Anywho…the other day I came across a status that I found extremely intriguing…so I decided to ask a friend of mine to co-write this blog with me…so without further ado I would like to introduce my girl Vee…Vee thanks for gracing your presence on this blog…   

Ladies it’s time we separate what dating is and what a relationship is. Dating, to me, is the discovery time. Once you discover who he is then desire a relationship based on the connection. You can’t have a connection with someone you are only having sex with, That’s called a sexual attraction and we easily try to relate the two. We need to stop putting our all into one man who you think has potential, only to find out later that he is nothing like we thought. It’s because you are trying to wife him up instead of trying to discover who he is as a person. What we do when we meet a guy is run him down through our mental list. Does he have a car, job, money and if he has children? Once he has passed that phase in your mental cycle, you then pay attention to his actions. Does he call, text and pay you some kind of attention throughout your day? If he shows those signs you think you hit the jackpot! We tend to draw ourselves emotionally to that man especially if sex is involved…

The issue we have is a lack of distinction between the two “ships”…friendship versus relationships which leads to an incorrect perception of what the “ship” truly is.  Like Vee stated…it is pertinent to separate what the two is.  Just because interest is shown by him that doesn’t necessarily constitute a realization of substance to the “ship”.  Before one can discover who he is…she must identify who she is!  Without a clear comprehension of this ma’am all you will do is meet his representative. You can’t discern what he is because you don’t know what you are.  See understanding comes first from within. Wipe the mirror so you can see the reflection. What do you value…what is important to you?  Maybe it is the midday text that they seek Vee…or is it the supergasmic feeling that he makes them feel Vee?  Is it the whip he pushes or the title that is associated with his name?  Is it his looks…his story…his education…his mouth piece…is it the chase…the rush you get …the feeling in the pit of your stomach when his name pops up on your caller ID?  See all these things are superficial ma’am.  Those women that chase these things typically fall into the trap of being in a relationship with him…when he is just dating you…true story.

What tends to happen is a couple months go by and you think everything is going great until you hear or see something he has potentially done. How would you react if you seen him with another woman or He doesn’t answer the phone when you call. . . You’re only dating right? Why are you reacting to a man you are only dating? You shouldn’t be. You are reacting because you have become emotionally involved with a nigga that is only dating you! Dating doesn’t equal a relationship and giving him pussy doesn’t either. Set a standard if your goal is to have a long term relationship with someone. Let that be known from the beginning so he knows this is what you desire. If this is not what he wants then you make a decision whether you want to be involved and everything that happens from that point is your own damn fault. If you never clearly define what it is…how you can expect him to respect what you perceive it is.

Stop being so anxious to jump in the bed with a man! Good Pussy & head isn’t gonna make him change his mind. It might buy you some time but it won’t make him be in a relationship with you…(wow that is real Vee…I love you for that)…but if that was a little to blunt for you come close…let me let you in on a secret …Ima reinforce what Vee stated…regardless of how you can contort your limbs and make him feel all so swell…a good man won’t be swayed by that and a great man won’t allow you to.

Ladies we have to stop confusing dating with being in a relationship…If he doesn’t have similar interest in you. Quit treating this dude like your man when he only treating you like a friend! Then that way your feelings aren’t hurt and you can save yourself from disappointment! If you never get a grip on what it truly is…all he is doing is swallowing the meat and spitting out the bones…

 

Ice Cubes…Love and Empty Chocolate Boxes

Like I say all the time…it is so funny how things happen to me.  It’s always the smallest of things that spawn the biggest thoughts in me.  I was sitting in my car on campus the other day…actually it was the third anniversary of Ronya’s death…just kinda collecting myself before I went into the library to work on a paper for one of my History classes.  With this indifferent feeling on the day combined with a superabundance of thoughts…the place I was in mentally was really jacked.  As I attempted to sort through all of these different emotions just trying to find a median so I can get started with my day I started to think about ice cubes.  I can laugh now (I actually am while I’m typing) but at that moment ice cubes didn’t make any sense to me…until God did what He always does to me…BAM….

I was actually 4 years old when my parents got married…I was the ring bearer in the wedding and my sister was the flower girl.  Now I won’t bore you with the details of the wedding but I will give you this…Backdrop…my parents were married on New Year’s Eve of 1980…so that was a loooong time ago.  I can remember everything about that wedding down to the horrendously looking maroon blazer they made me wear.  It was uglier than the shag carpet and hanging beads that accented one of the rooms at our house…anywho, the wedding and reception was at my aunt’s house.  My aunt had this really nice house tucked off in the Northwest part of Dayton…I dunno why they had it there…I was only 4 and my guess would be that they were probably cheap…hahahaha.  Okay back on track now.  My aunt had this refrigerator that spewed water and chopped ice cubes from the outside.  Now-a-days that is a common occurrence…but to me at 4 years old in 1980, I had never seen anything like that.  I was truly amazed.  See I had this glass of Coca-Cola that was halfway filled and I decided to test the fridge out…are these like “regular” ice cubes or is there something special about the?  So I reluctantly put my glass under the lever and pressed it…tah dah…three ice cubes fall and I removed my glass.  I look down at it in amazement because these are magic ice cubes…I now have more soda than I originally did.  I’m tripping so I run and go get my sis and show her…both in amazement I proceeded to add more ice and the more ice I added to more the soda filled to the top.  Can you imagine that as a 4 year old child?  You start out with a little soda and these magic ice cubes gives you more…aww lawd…this is the greatest.

Then it happened…I drank the soda…and it was gone extremely fast.  Huh?  How can I drink that much soda that quick…so I pour out those ice cubes…add more soda and some new magic ice cubes…my sister and I are super happy…but the same thing happens again…At this time I so confused…fast forward now.  I’m 22 years old living in Omaha, Nebraska…I’m involved with this young lady.  The entire dynamic of this relationship was unstable and I should have paid attention to the warning signs…but me young and dumb, I wanted what I wanted.  Nobody could tell me anything about this women.  I was in love…this was my destiny.  We were gonna get married, raise children together and be the Obama’s…before the Obama’s. 

I was working second shift at a company there in Omaha and it was Valentine’s Day…now I have never been a huge V-Day guy…but what the heck…lets try something new.  I was scheduled to get off of work at midnight, but we had overtime and I maybe got off at 2ish.  I get over my friends house and she has this box of my favorite chocolates on the couch for me with a card.  I really wanna get at the chocolates first, but I know etiquette and I’m supposed to read the card first.  Okay with that out the way it’s time to dig into these chocolates…I open the box and two my surprise it is completely empty…wth?  How can this entire box of chocolates be empty?  You guessed it so I won’t say it.  I was really Po’d…kinda like that feeling I had back when I was 4 years old and the magic ice cubes made my soda disappear quick.

What’s the purpose of all of this…life is about ice cubes…love and empty chocolate boxes…i.e…perception is not always reality.  See as a child I perceived that glass actually had more soda in it…when that is not the case.  Even though the ice gave the appearance of more soda in actuality it was still the same.  There was no substance to what I perceived…it didn’t matter how many times I poured the ice out and added more soda…it was what it was…at the end of the day my glass was empty like that box of chocolates…the lack of contents in that box was the reality of what our relationship…but the physical attributes of the box were my perception of what I thought we were.  At the end of the day when you opened our relationship it was empty…there was nothing there.  No different than me looking at that “full” glass of soda and realizing that there was actually nothing there.

Understand this…how we perceive something is not actually what it is.  We use our mind to jade and twist from what the facts really are.  We allow perceptions everyday to shape the fabric of our lives…opposed to being patient and allowing reality to manifest.  When you perceive you are unable to truly achieve that which is meant for you.  Yep perception is not always reality.

 

Maturity is more than age….

I’ve been holding to this for a minute…but for some reason today I just can’t hold it in…so I think its better out opposed to in and via this post I pray that someone is blessed…

Its funny how people complain about their circumstances and situations…but where they are is solely based on the decisions that they have made throughout their lifetime.  We have to understand that we are expressly accountable for our actions…furthermore, it is imperative to know that regardless…good, bad or indifferent every action has a reaction. This is something I share with my son constantly…and he seems to get it (and he is only 14)…but we as “grown” adults can’t begin to grasp the concept. 

Maturity is defined many a ways…but my favorite definition would be:  termination of the period that a note or other obligation has to run :  state or condition of having become due.  See maturity is a process…it is not an unalienable right given to a person when they become a specific age.  In order to become mature one must go through a period of being “immature”.  Meaning that adults can still be trapped in an adolescent mentality….maturity is an intangible quality that not everyone will posses because either A) They are stuck in a time warp of their past and are too afraid of the future…B) They are afraid of responsibility and accountability…or C) All of the above.

Childish thoughts impregnate adolescent behavior which births immature actualizations.  One must flee from those immature actualizations.  Ask yourself this…are you still doing things that you did when you were 16, 18, or 21 years old?  Each day in one’s life there should be a forward press to do things better than the previous day.  Yes, we are all human and we will make mistakes…but that is not an excuse for making the same mistake.  Example: when one starts a new relationship…one doesn’t allow the dynamic of their previous relationship to rear its head into your new one…the past is called the past for a reason.  It what generally happens is a person will lose the very thing they covet the most because of the “immature” decision making of their past.

At some point in our lives we must evolve thru the period of immaturity we have to run in order to achieve the condition of being mature….when one makes the decision to “grow-up”…watch what circumstances and situation cancel from ones lives.  When you align…whats for you aligns as well.

 

Is Your Time Piece Ticking….

Time…time…time.  This is something no matter how hard one tries…one can never get time back.  I’ve seen somewhere…where time was defined as: A nonspatial continuum in which events occur in apparently irreversible succession from the past through the present to the future.  Irreversible…thats a deep word.  When something is irreversible that means it is incapable of changing to its prior or previous state.  Time…the one thing we have a bittersweet relationship with.  We love to watch it go…but we hate to see it leave.  Its the one thing we wish we had more of…or the one thing we wish we didnt have any of.  Time…the ultimate oxymoron. 

As I’ve experienced certain circumstances and situation here over the past several months..or even perhaps the last several years one thing that I have noticed…time does not stand still for NO ONE!  Reagardless of the clout one may have…money…education or lack thereof time WILL move forward…with or without you.  It is up to us to capture those important “moments in time” that constructs our lives.  I was sitting in my car this morning on campus…just taking a moment to “gather” myself as I tackled my monsterous day ahead of me.  As I thought about what I needed to do first…second and so on…I was hit with a thought of simply this…”live life through the windshield…not the rearview mirror.”  How does this translate to me personally…well I started to think and it hit me….

Walk with me for a brief second if you don’t mind…over the course of the last month two of my close friends have lost parents…both of these deaths I dealt with differently.  The first hurt bad…from the standpoint that my friends father was someone I was close with when I was younger.  We always laughed and talked together…he always had some sort of joke and everytime I went over my buddy’s house…I always looked forward to seeing his dad.  The second of which pierced my soul…it was a woman that I called “ma deuce”…or mother #2 affectionately.  These deaths bothered me because the very thing I’m talking about now…TIME.  As I entered manhood and formed my own family…it seemed like I never had TIME to just go and sit and talk with them…I didnt have enough TIME…whew!

So this week I went back to my old neighborhood…everything is gone…houses and apartments knocked down.  It’s a shell of it’s former self…but one thing was still standing…Ma Deuce’s house.  I knocked on the door to see who was there and I didn’t get an answer…as I walked down the stairs to get to my car I took one slow turn and looked at the house.  It is weathered…paint chipping…same color scheme…I actually remember when they painted the house white and green.  I looked in the yard adjacent to the house and decided to walk in it.  As I walked in the yard all types of memories started to flow.  Childhood memories that I had forgot.  Some good…some bad…but they were my memories.  I walked to the back yard and I was amazed.  The swing set that was around when we were children was still there in the same place.  I looked a little deeper and the trampoline we just to play on was in the exact same place…amazingly the dog chain was still around the tree…her garden looked exactly the same.  For a moment it appeared that time stood still…but that is not possible.  If time stood still…she would still be in there cooking greens…gutting fresh catfish…frying chicken.  Regardless of the situation…regardless of the tears shed or money spent…TIME WILL MOVE FORWARD.

I say all of the above to say this people…align yourself with the things that mean the most to you.  Align yourself in the the vision that you have.  Live life for the moment but THROUGH the entire picture.  Don’t allow time to pass you by.  Set your vision forward through your windshield of life….not the rearview mirror of death.

You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.  ~Jan Glidewell

With the past, I have nothing to do; nor with the future.  I live now.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

One problem with gazing too frequently into the past is that we may turn around to find the future has run out on us.  ~Michael Cibenko

 

Submission is key….

It’s absolutely crazy how most of my inspiration comes via heartache and pain.  When I am at my most creative points…is literally when I am probably at my darkest hours.  Through the pain and rain my mind always seems to float to some other stratusphere.  I’m not sure if I have ever thought about that until now.

Lately I have been mettling my way through some physical issues…some issues of the heart…some mental and emotional issues as well.  Simply put…as Christians will say…”I’ve been goin through!”  As hard as all this has been I’ve known the entire time that God has my back and regardless of what my flesh screams…God’s eternal promise of promise, prosperity, protection…mercy and grace reigns.  Through each attack and plot the enemy has premeditated I know the promise of God can NEVER come back void….

I guess its time for me to get to the purpose of this post…because I was about to take-off on just that alone.  I felt that perculator bubbling.  It was about to go down (hahaha).  Okay…in the midst of me and my “stuff” this afternoon I was reading a book called “Dare to Be a Man”  by David Evans…this is an awesome book.  It is for men and women and I would highly recommend reading this piece of literature.  I feel it would forever change your outlook on the “purpose of a man”.

Submission is the topic I want to write about.  Just this very word…when folks hear it…instant negatives come to mind…weak…dominate…advantage…demeaning…sexist…etc.  I don’t think that people truly grasp this term of submission from a biblical perspective and how it correctly coorelates to our everyday lives.  In a biblical sense…submission means to “bring yourself under”.  It doesn’t mean to be dominated by…or taken advantage of.  There is a clear difference between submisson and and other two I named.  Submission is ordained by God…the others are man created terms and actions used to supress and oppress others.  It is imperative that we as people understand the difference of the three and the true intention of submission to one and other on this Earth.

Submission is a duel cooperative of two people aligned with the same vision that incorporates love, honesty and trust.  This mutual submission is prevelant when we submit ourselves to one and other…especially from a matrimonal perspective.  Ephesians 5:21 says..Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.  Notice that it says ONE ANOTHER…not merely woman to man. 

If we as people ever truly learn to submit as a whole families…friendships…marriages…the church will be in much better shape.  Submission is intended for unity not seperation.  For builing and uplifting…not to demolish and destroy. 

So my challange to you is to submit…submit in the places where God has called you to.  I challange you to look at the places where God has given you authority and ask yourself, “Am I operating in God’s will?”  I challenge you to do something different.  When you submit to those around you…you are not in no way lessening who or what you are…you are simply cultivating and sowing a seed of prosperity in your life when you are following God’s purpose.  Remember that “productive submission is possible for you when you posses a positive self-image.