….things look a little different now…doesn’t it? Yeah, I know…you probably thought you were on the wrong site. Naw, you are in the right place…..same show, different channel. I didn’t fall off the face of the earth but things haven’t been the most (hmmm lemme find the word)…..stable I guess you would say. I’m not talking about unstable like crazy, cookoo, off the rocker unstable….but just slightly more elevated than my usual level of dysfunction. Most of the dysfunction has been out of my control…from the loss of power, to excess homework and work demands have been the core of everything. Sprinkle in the exploits of #1 and #2 and voila…that equation (yuk algebra again) equals a lethal combination of no blogging.
I really am not sure where to start. I guess with why I decided to make a visual change to the blog. Well my blog isn’t the only thing I have changed lately, but I will start with the blog. It came down to just really wanting a change of pace. I have a quote that I live by…”You can’t have a better tomorrow if you are thinking about yesterday all the time.” Just being able to shift gears was what I needed. I think that not dealing with certain issues of the mind and emotions have been a severe hindrance with me lately. I decided to change my name on the blog to my government name of David. I even decided to change my profile picture (I’m not sure if it took hold). I was really hesitant on this one because I included my children (and there are some sick folks out there), but so many people want to know what they look like since I talk about time often. They are the two most important people in my life. I have taken some tremendous steps this week. In my psychology class I was forced to deal with a module that smacked me head on. We learned about the function of the brain and all that encompasses the nervous system. This was hard for me like I said….some of you already know that my wife dealt with a number of neurological issues before she passed, so this was like reviving a dead horse. But you know what….it helped me. For the entire range of emotions I went through, I was forced to channel all those hurtful emotions into this module. I actually talked to my professor about this issue and she told me that she went through something very similar. When she was finishing up her phD, she was forced to deal with some similar issues. I won’t divulge those, because I didn’t ask her permission to share. It was a testimony that touched me tremendously. I actually have changed other things around me like my appearance of my home and thinking about a personal change as well (stay tuned for that one).
On the personal front, I have really been blocking some things out….mainly people. For the last few weeks I just really hadn’t wanted to be bothered. I don’t do it intentionally, but my mindset was off. Instead of fighting this greiving thing, I started to embrace it for the first time. It has been six months since Ronya passed away and I just function sometimes….no real rhyme or reason….just gliding on by. I know what exactly to say and who to say it to. If I would slip, then folks would know that something is really wrong, so over the course of the past two or three weeks, I have intentionally been withdrawn. That way folks can’t pick, probe or pry information from me.
Yesterday was the first day I have been to church in quite sometime. I just have been fighting something internally. I decided to deal with it yesterday…initially I didn’t think I did well, because I was so emotionally drained, but as I sit back and look at the situation objectively now, church was just what I needed.
Well, I have to be productive now….I’m the only management at our facility for the next few weeks….Talk tomorrow….and ooh yeah…I miss you!
Keep on going, and the chances are that you will stumble on something, perhaps when you are least expecting it. I never heard of anyone ever stumbling on something sitting down. – Charles Kettering