It’s Dating….

. . . Not a Relationship….

Now anyone that remotely knows me knows that I am a Facebook junky.  When I am bored…I get on FB…when I’m in class…I get on FB…as soon as I get outta church (even sometimes in church)…I get on FB…hell sometimes I even get on FB while I’m in the shower…I bet you get the picture.  Initially I used FB as a platform for buffoonery…but lately I have used FB as a totally different medium.  I have used it for inspiration and motivation.  Through each post I see daily there have been a few that have caught my eye and some in depth discussion has been birthed from it….which brings me to this…Okay…okay…hold on…lemme back up for a second.  I know that there are some of you that have NEVER read any of my blog postings so let me warn you in advance…I do not edit my writings…I do not censor and I allow my feelings to flow however…I ramble and have a goofy sense of humor…so when you read this…know that this is all done with the first take…straight shot no chaser….

Anywho…the other day I came across a status that I found extremely intriguing…so I decided to ask a friend of mine to co-write this blog with me…so without further ado I would like to introduce my girl Vee…Vee thanks for gracing your presence on this blog…   

Ladies it’s time we separate what dating is and what a relationship is. Dating, to me, is the discovery time. Once you discover who he is then desire a relationship based on the connection. You can’t have a connection with someone you are only having sex with, That’s called a sexual attraction and we easily try to relate the two. We need to stop putting our all into one man who you think has potential, only to find out later that he is nothing like we thought. It’s because you are trying to wife him up instead of trying to discover who he is as a person. What we do when we meet a guy is run him down through our mental list. Does he have a car, job, money and if he has children? Once he has passed that phase in your mental cycle, you then pay attention to his actions. Does he call, text and pay you some kind of attention throughout your day? If he shows those signs you think you hit the jackpot! We tend to draw ourselves emotionally to that man especially if sex is involved…

The issue we have is a lack of distinction between the two “ships”…friendship versus relationships which leads to an incorrect perception of what the “ship” truly is.  Like Vee stated…it is pertinent to separate what the two is.  Just because interest is shown by him that doesn’t necessarily constitute a realization of substance to the “ship”.  Before one can discover who he is…she must identify who she is!  Without a clear comprehension of this ma’am all you will do is meet his representative. You can’t discern what he is because you don’t know what you are.  See understanding comes first from within. Wipe the mirror so you can see the reflection. What do you value…what is important to you?  Maybe it is the midday text that they seek Vee…or is it the supergasmic feeling that he makes them feel Vee?  Is it the whip he pushes or the title that is associated with his name?  Is it his looks…his story…his education…his mouth piece…is it the chase…the rush you get …the feeling in the pit of your stomach when his name pops up on your caller ID?  See all these things are superficial ma’am.  Those women that chase these things typically fall into the trap of being in a relationship with him…when he is just dating you…true story.

What tends to happen is a couple months go by and you think everything is going great until you hear or see something he has potentially done. How would you react if you seen him with another woman or He doesn’t answer the phone when you call. . . You’re only dating right? Why are you reacting to a man you are only dating? You shouldn’t be. You are reacting because you have become emotionally involved with a nigga that is only dating you! Dating doesn’t equal a relationship and giving him pussy doesn’t either. Set a standard if your goal is to have a long term relationship with someone. Let that be known from the beginning so he knows this is what you desire. If this is not what he wants then you make a decision whether you want to be involved and everything that happens from that point is your own damn fault. If you never clearly define what it is…how you can expect him to respect what you perceive it is.

Stop being so anxious to jump in the bed with a man! Good Pussy & head isn’t gonna make him change his mind. It might buy you some time but it won’t make him be in a relationship with you…(wow that is real Vee…I love you for that)…but if that was a little to blunt for you come close…let me let you in on a secret …Ima reinforce what Vee stated…regardless of how you can contort your limbs and make him feel all so swell…a good man won’t be swayed by that and a great man won’t allow you to.

Ladies we have to stop confusing dating with being in a relationship…If he doesn’t have similar interest in you. Quit treating this dude like your man when he only treating you like a friend! Then that way your feelings aren’t hurt and you can save yourself from disappointment! If you never get a grip on what it truly is…all he is doing is swallowing the meat and spitting out the bones…

Ice Cubes…Love and Empty Chocolate Boxes

Like I say all the time…it is so funny how things happen to me.  It’s always the smallest of things that spawn the biggest thoughts in me.  I was sitting in my car on campus the other day…actually it was the third anniversary of Ronya’s death…just kinda collecting myself before I went into the library to work on a paper for one of my History classes.  With this indifferent feeling on the day combined with a superabundance of thoughts…the place I was in mentally was really jacked.  As I attempted to sort through all of these different emotions just trying to find a median so I can get started with my day I started to think about ice cubes.  I can laugh now (I actually am while I’m typing) but at that moment ice cubes didn’t make any sense to me…until God did what He always does to me…BAM….

I was actually 4 years old when my parents got married…I was the ring bearer in the wedding and my sister was the flower girl.  Now I won’t bore you with the details of the wedding but I will give you this…Backdrop…my parents were married on New Year’s Eve of 1980…so that was a loooong time ago.  I can remember everything about that wedding down to the horrendously looking maroon blazer they made me wear.  It was uglier than the shag carpet and hanging beads that accented one of the rooms at our house…anywho, the wedding and reception was at my aunt’s house.  My aunt had this really nice house tucked off in the Northwest part of Dayton…I dunno why they had it there…I was only 4 and my guess would be that they were probably cheap…hahahaha.  Okay back on track now.  My aunt had this refrigerator that spewed water and chopped ice cubes from the outside.  Now-a-days that is a common occurrence…but to me at 4 years old in 1980, I had never seen anything like that.  I was truly amazed.  See I had this glass of Coca-Cola that was halfway filled and I decided to test the fridge out…are these like “regular” ice cubes or is there something special about the?  So I reluctantly put my glass under the lever and pressed it…tah dah…three ice cubes fall and I removed my glass.  I look down at it in amazement because these are magic ice cubes…I now have more soda than I originally did.  I’m tripping so I run and go get my sis and show her…both in amazement I proceeded to add more ice and the more ice I added to more the soda filled to the top.  Can you imagine that as a 4 year old child?  You start out with a little soda and these magic ice cubes gives you more…aww lawd…this is the greatest.

Then it happened…I drank the soda…and it was gone extremely fast.  Huh?  How can I drink that much soda that quick…so I pour out those ice cubes…add more soda and some new magic ice cubes…my sister and I are super happy…but the same thing happens again…At this time I so confused…fast forward now.  I’m 22 years old living in Omaha, Nebraska…I’m involved with this young lady.  The entire dynamic of this relationship was unstable and I should have paid attention to the warning signs…but me young and dumb, I wanted what I wanted.  Nobody could tell me anything about this women.  I was in love…this was my destiny.  We were gonna get married, raise children together and be the Obama’s…before the Obama’s. 

I was working second shift at a company there in Omaha and it was Valentine’s Day…now I have never been a huge V-Day guy…but what the heck…lets try something new.  I was scheduled to get off of work at midnight, but we had overtime and I maybe got off at 2ish.  I get over my friends house and she has this box of my favorite chocolates on the couch for me with a card.  I really wanna get at the chocolates first, but I know etiquette and I’m supposed to read the card first.  Okay with that out the way it’s time to dig into these chocolates…I open the box and two my surprise it is completely empty…wth?  How can this entire box of chocolates be empty?  You guessed it so I won’t say it.  I was really Po’d…kinda like that feeling I had back when I was 4 years old and the magic ice cubes made my soda disappear quick.

What’s the purpose of all of this…life is about ice cubes…love and empty chocolate boxes…i.e…perception is not always reality.  See as a child I perceived that glass actually had more soda in it…when that is not the case.  Even though the ice gave the appearance of more soda in actuality it was still the same.  There was no substance to what I perceived…it didn’t matter how many times I poured the ice out and added more soda…it was what it was…at the end of the day my glass was empty like that box of chocolates…the lack of contents in that box was the reality of what our relationship…but the physical attributes of the box were my perception of what I thought we were.  At the end of the day when you opened our relationship it was empty…there was nothing there.  No different than me looking at that “full” glass of soda and realizing that there was actually nothing there.

Understand this…how we perceive something is not actually what it is.  We use our mind to jade and twist from what the facts really are.  We allow perceptions everyday to shape the fabric of our lives…opposed to being patient and allowing reality to manifest.  When you perceive you are unable to truly achieve that which is meant for you.  Yep perception is not always reality.

Consistently…Inconsistent

God operates exactly how He wants to.  It is not for us to truly understand His rhyme or reason.  I can remember when I first started to read the Bible and it would say, “thus said the Lord”…I understood that was the end all to be all.  Point blank He is the Alpha and Omega.  Now I guess I’m going to put the disclaimer out there now…this will be like a mini sermon so I’m just talking about…what I’m talking about.

It’s funny how we as people claim we know our purpose in life…the vision that God has set for us…but when it is time for that vision to become reality…we flee from what we know.  Why is it that when it is all good we wanna thank God initially…then when it goes takes a turn for what it seems to be “the worst” we are stuck with our face to the ground calling on Him.  It’s because we as people have learned the custom of consistently being inconsistent.  We need to pray for Him through the good and the bad…magnify and glorify His name. 

Its funny how we allow people to take us out of our element.  It is so easy for us as people to “lose our religion” when we get around certain folks.  We allow others to dictate the calling that God has over our lives.  God has called us to minister and evangelize…but the moment we get to work…school…practice…anywhere outside our “Godly enviroment”…we tend to filter what we say.  We start to conform to others.  Why is it that we won’t curse in certain places…but the moment we get somewhere seculiar its a wrap.  Because it is excepted practice I guess.  Ever wondered why we get what we got…its because we do what we done.  Ever wondered why or why not certain things happen to us?  Many times it is because we filter ourselves from our true purpose around people…SO GOD FILTERS HIS BLESSINGS!  God is not a coffee pot filter.  The thing is we filter so much around people it’s crazy.  Revelation 3:15-16 states…”15 I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot.  16 So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.”  We can’t straddle the fence people.  The word spue is so deep.  Spue means to vomit, expel or eject from one’s mouth.  Do you want God to expel or eject you from His mouth?  To vomit out…when I think of vommiting…I can only imagine spitting out something that didn’t agree with my stomach and having it dwell with the nastiest of things…i.e. Hell!

It’s funny how we have to watch what we say around certain people.  You don’t wanna offend people with your Godly views…or don’t wanna seem like a “bible thumper”.  Mark 8:38 states…Whosoever therefore shall be ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation; of him also shall the Son of man be ashamed when he cometh in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.”  I’m telling you…if you don’t believe that…whew!

It’s funny how we want others to forgive us…but we wont truly forgive them when it is our term…and we wonder why we get certain things.  It’s because you have filtered your forgiveness, so God had filtered His blessings.  Forgiveness is a way of life.  I’m not telling you to be stupid or foolish by placing yourself in the same positions…but I’m telling you to forgive.  Everyone makes mistakes…this is evident because we are all carnal beings…but that doesn’t mean we have to accept carnal ways.

All I’m simply saying is that when we think we are consistent…are we really?  Why is it so hard to do the right thing around the wrong people?  We concentrate so much on being accepted here on earth then our acceptance into Heaven.  Everything here is only temporary.  It’s materialistic…it will come and go…just like this flesh…it will pass.  But our spirit is forever.  Will we allow our spirit to suffer because we want our flesh to be accepted?

10 Things a Woman Should Not Say/Do to Her Man….

I’ve wrote about this once before, but for some reason I have received several messages to re-post and update 10 Things a Woman Should Not Say/Do to Her Man….

10. Never compare your man to any fictional…made-up…character that resides in a movie, book, song or soap opera.  No you man is not Nick Newman…and he will never be!  There is a reason why it is fictional…It’s not TRUE!

9.  Do NOT tell your man he needs to go to the gym.  Chances are if he was chubby (hahaha) when you met him…he’s probably gonna stay that way. 

8.  Tell him that, “you care about your friends more than me”…In most cases this is NOT true.  He probably spends a lot of time with his friends because there is something lacking at home.  Instead…watch and learn your man…cater to him more often…but don’t spoil him.  You don’t want a spoiled man…that can be trouble (well not really…lol).

7.  Do NOT…I repeat Do NOT ask a man if he “loves” you.  Chances are if he is smart the answer will be yes.  He would be a fool to say, “no baby, I don’t love you”…His actions are the best indicator…plus many men don’t do well with the verbal thing.

6.  Please…don’t tell a man that he is soft.  Attention ladies…men have egos…some have HUGE egos.  Let him think that he is the king of all kings.  Give that ego just enough attention and you will be fine.

5.  Don’t try to change him…allow him to be a man…appreciate the man that he is…but don’t settle.  If he isn’t the type of man you want…there are many fish in the sea.

4.  This can be higher…please DO NOT BOTHER A MAN WHEN HE IS WATCHING HIS SPORTING EVENTS…especially if it is a playoff, tournament or his favorite team.  If you do…somebody might be sleeping on the couch that night (and he probably won’t have a problem doing it).

3.  WOW…this is a good one…Under no circumstances should you use the “cookies” as reward or punishment…the bakery should be open 24/7 (unless…well you know…when nature calls).  It is not right to control a man with the pastries…this is sooooo wrong!!!

2.  Never say, “I only slept with (insert number here) guys before you.  Some…well most men can not handle the truth…and for some of the ones that can…he probably has follow-up questions which then leads to answers he can’t handle.  Even though many men want a woman that is experienced and can pleasure him…he doesn’t want her to be experienced…if you know what I mean.

DRUM ROLL PLEASE…………..AND THE #1 Thing a Woman Should Not Say/Do to Her Man is….

Joke about your man’s sexuality.  I don’t think I really need to expand on this one.

The Ultimate Bucket List

Over the course of the last few years I have learned that life is extremely precious.  I think that often we overlook the smallest of details in life because we are so consumed with the material aspect of things.  I know that I am guilty of this from time to time.  One of my biggest downfalls is shopping.  At times I am an impulse buyer.  I use shopping as a therapeutic tool to massage my massive ego at time…and also to sooth my sensitive, emotional side.

Today, as I sat in my office, I could not help but to drift off into this thought of the “circle of life”…how our happiness controls the duration of our life-span.  I began to think about how those moments of misery and negativity that seem to infiltrate my realm constantly is chopping away valuable time I have on this earth.   I began to think about how ignorance breeds negativity…negativity breeds insensitivity…how insensitivity breeds dysfunction…and dysfunction finally contributes to insanity.

I don’t mean for this to be a post that is sad in nature…but a post to make you reflect on what truly is important in your life.  We as people tend to dwell so much in the past…that we run dead into a tree walking.   I have a saying that I use…”I never seen a person win a race by looking backwards”.  People the enemy is busy.  He is at work trying to break-up families…destroy homes…plant seeds of doubt in relationship…He is attempting to run calamity and disorder all throughout our lives.  The thing is though…we claim that the enemy is a lie…but we continue to fall for the banana in the tailpipe everytime.  The enemy is a one trick pony…and he gets it off on us each time. Sometimes we just need to let things go…forgive…Jesus paid the ultimate price for us…He said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”    He still was asking forgiveness for those who put him to death. More widely, of course, the plea was for all humanity…but we have the audacity to hold grudges…hmmm

Wow I got all off track of what I was truly posting about.  This post was about Bucket List.  What I wanted to do and achieve before I leave here.  I thought about it…and here are a few things I want to accomplish in not particular order:

• Finish my novels
• Create a non-profit organization for inner-city youth
• Fall in love again
• Go to a SuperBowl
• Visit Lambeau Field
• Go to Paris
• Meet Barack Obama
• Complete my Doctorate in History and my MBA
• See my children off to college

What are some of the things you would like to do or accomplish…..

If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. – Henry David Thoreau

Its Been That Long Already…

…for the life of I can’t fathom the thought it has actually been that long since Ronya passed.  Today is would have been her 31st birthday.  As you can imagine the household was quite emotional this morning.  Today just has a different feel to it…I knew it the minute I opened my eyes.  I woke up slightly earlier than I usually do on a typical work day.  I got up and went through my morning routine.  #1 stayed over his mothers house for the day…that is a story for a different day…but Baby Girl came into my room for a second.  We talked for a minute and since I have been on this health kick lately she went to get my lunch together.  She packed me a grapefruit for breakfast…a Lean Pocket (don’t know how healthy those are)…and a second grapefruit and a pack of 100 calorie Oreo’s for snack.  I took the dog out to do her do and I warmed up the car (it is extremely cold in the 937 today).

After coming back from this, Baby Girl came into the room to get her lunch money.  We said our morning prayer and just talked for a second.  I knew that it was going to be emotional this morning and she just broke down.  I talked to her for a bit and calmed her down.  I know that she will be okay today…that is a special girl.

The purpose of this post is just to let you know that time flies…it doesn’t stand still.  You should take a moment to realize what is most important to you in your life…start or continue to align your life with the vision what has been set forth for you.  Don’t look back on past transgressions or mistakes.  Continue to press forward.

Can you hit a curveball….

I don’t know how many times I have attempted to change the direction of my blog.  Sometimes I personally feel that my dysfunction may be a tad bit extreme for people…other times I feel the need to compartmentalize my emotions…you know how that is…I guess I can call it second-guessing or not decisive about the true purpose of my blog.  I think about maybe tempering down or maybe de-emphasizing David in this blog…I start to think that maybe I can talk about something more important…politics…the state of the economy…global warming…it has to be something else…but everytime I attempt to change the format it becomes impossible to.  I get an encouraging email or message…whatever it may be…I feel like …you know that song we used to sing when we were younger…

This is the song that never ends.
It goes on and on my friends.
Someone started singing it not knowing what it was,
and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…

So thus here I am…in the mist of a storm…right dead smack in the middle of some warfare…fighting a neverending battle…trying to obtain a blissful life. If you know me…I’m a firm believer in the saying that “it is greater later.”  Sometimes you just have to go through it to get to it.  At times I sit back and wonder why does David go through so many storms.  When I feel like things are finally starting to look beautiful for the home team here comes something else.  I truly believe that I am a head strong individual.  I am not easily rattled…I generally keep my composure…when things get tough…Im usually the pillar…but certain things seem to punch me dead in the abdomen and make me double over for  a second.

I dont really know what it is…but I am being dealt with in a different type of way.  I know that God is molding me to do some really substantial things…but for some reason He decided to switch up the order of things for David and I missed the memo.  I probably was doing something that I had no business doing. Case in point…I had a paper due last Monday in my Sociology class…but the thing is I didnt know.  I got to class last Monday and everyone is pulling out these papers…Im thinking to myself…”self..I know we didnt have a paper due.” So I look at the syllabus…no paper due…but EVERYONE has these papers to turn in.  Now I am racking my brain trying to figure out what the heck is going on. Come to find out during our first class I had to leave out of the classroom and take a call and this is when he gave out the assignment.  I was pre-occupied with something else…but I was able to get it done before it was too late…people understand this…sometimes you must sacrifice instant gratification…for eternal happiness.  It is greater later!

One thing that I am big on is loyalty.  If I find a cause…have a friend I am extremely loyal to without reciprocation.  I don’t think that everyone has the same sense of loyalty as others.  I was chopping it up with a friend of mine the other day and we got on this subject….where has the loyalty gone?  People tend to sway like a tree branch in the wind.  One moment they are hot the next they are cold…no loyalty…I cant stand lukewarm.  I dont know folks…sometimes you just have to chalk it up to people just do not understand your warfare…not that they arent going through their warfare…but they dont understand your plight…your battle…and just because your situations arent the same…doesnt mean that you are not on the battlefield….

Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over.- Gloria Naylor

single ladies (put ring on it)

….I don’t have a problem with the jumping of the broom thing…you know marriage…tying the knot…holy matrimony…whatever you would like to call it…I am an advocate of marriage and especially anything that has to do with family.  Lately the family has been under tremendous attack…so count me on board of the uplifting and empowerment of the family.

I was writing this post kind of to piggyback my dude Will’s or Neva Will (whoever he is for the day…even though I think Neva Will wrote this particular one)…well at least the title and some of the content.  Many of you already know the stance I have with relationships and women…you know…yada yada ya…I can continue on that course…but would that really benefit me to recommence slapping this dead horse?  Really none…but just a ginormous amount of angry women at D.A.V.I.D. (and I think that I am really learning my lesson…hahaha…NOT)…anywho…I just will not go there today.

Beyonce has this Single Ladies song…I know you have heard it…they play this joint everywhere.  I went to this country gas station the other day and the clerk was even listening to it…so I know that the majority of you have heard it…well needless to say…the hook of the song goes like this:

Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you should put a ring on it
Don’t be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it

I purchased this Beyonce: Sasha Fierce CD for #2 as a Christmas present…and for the record…She was walking around the house listening to it and I finally started to pay attention to the words and it kind of sparked an interest in me…then I spoke with Brain after I was kinda having a writing block and he spewed out a few topics that I should write about.  As I contemplated which of these topics I should write about…it started to become clearer the more I heard #2 sing what I wanted to speak on….

Follow me for a second people (and lets hope I don’t get sidetracked)…most of the women I know and have encountered over time all have the same goal…to have this family with a white picket fence…successful career…beautiful euphorian filled family…blah blah…you get my drift.  Somewhere down the line…the dynamic of the traditional family changed…it went from the man as the sole bread-winner to this new and improved independent woman…that can do it all by herself…Im staying on track people… I know that in some cases women were forced to revert to playing the role reversal game…but I think that this should be the exception…but lately it is becoming the rule due to some of us men.

Okay…Im getting there…let me paint this picture and tie this all in…if you see a man/woman with an uniform with shiny shoes…badge on their chest…holster with a glock in it…waist band with a night stick and handcuffs driving a vehicle with red and blue lights…it is safe to assume that this person is a cop…right?  Well this same person can not (in the same uniform) lineup across from 6’5″ 350 lb defensive lineman and play in a football game….that is just not feasible…but if the “cop” chooses…he can go put on the proper equipment so he is able to play in the game….feel me?

This is where Im going with this…a woman can not expect to play in a game if she is not properly equipped (dressed)…how can a woman honestly feel that she will be able to obtain this “white picket fence” thing if she dresses inappropriately…am I off people?  I have a friend (who shall remain nameless) that wonders why she can’t find a decent man…I told her the first thing that she needs to do is change the way she is dressed…men tend to generalize things…I’m not saying all…but the majority of men have this prey and conquer mentality embedded in our DNA…Brain and I talk about this often.  Men think if it walks like a duck…quacks like a duck…then it’s a duck…we tend to think that since she is scantily clad…she is hot between the legs.  Women might think…if it walks like a duck…quacks like a duck…it could be a duck…BUT what type of duck…or is it really a duck…it be something else…and who came up with the word duck anyway…see where I’m going with this…things are not as cut and dry with women.  This particular woman could dress that way because she was overweight her entire life and dropped a lot of weight…and she is happy just to be able to wear those type of clothes…I mean it could be anything….who knows…but it goes back to you cant dress like Pamela Anderson and expect to be treated like Michelle Obama…you attract what you do because of who you are…..

“She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman.”- Oscar Wilde

“We are beginning to wonder whether a servant girl hasn’t the best of it after all. She knows how the salad tastes without the dressing, and she knows how life’s lived before it gets to the parlor door.”- Djuana Barnes

“I’ll take no for $200 Alex”…..

…growing up I was like most children my age….I watched the typical cartoon…G.I. Joe…Transformer…He-Man…Scooby-Doo…you know…but also I was a game-show junkie.  My favorite game-show was Jeopardy.  I watched it all the time and I still watch it when I get the chance (maybe that is why I am a history major).  I watched Jeopardy all the time.  Even my parents thought that this was kind of weird.  I can remember reading when I was younger…I actually started really reading at a very early age…In kindergarten I used to read to my class and in second grade my parents started to get the daily paper and I would read it. I guess from the beginning I always was a different type dude…but I had to mask it because of where I grew up.  Will might kill me for this one, but I stayed literally a block away from Will and I was always over his house.  We would want to get into some crooked madness…but most of the older dudes around would never let us really get involved…I mean did we do a few things…yeah…I would be lying to you if I said we were squeaky clean…but there was always a covering over both of us.  That is why I know that we are destined to do some great things together (sorry Will…hahaha).

 

Anywho…with Christmas just passing…I now have had the chance to start the detoxing stage.  Christmas was extremely emotional for the home team.  I didn’t imagine that it would be…but I guess when you expect the best and get the worst…it is always very bad.  Not to change the subject…but I am kind of writing this post in real-time…I listen to music a lot when I write…I know that I have told you often that I am a pneumonic writer…I need rhythm to get going…well I’m listening to Pandora and they have chosen this Brian McKnight song called “Everytime you go away”…whew this song is really killing me right now…because I miss Ronya an awful lot…it is extremely painful…Aww good…Pandora just switched songs…now I can get back on track…anywho the worst part of me came out on Christmas. Dew decided to rear his ugly head…I have been suppressing this cat for quite sometime now…but he was just waiting for the perfect storm to come out…and boy did he…hahahaha…I can semi-laugh now, because I am still feeling it…but he was nothing to be played with.  I don’t know how many people told me that I was nasty and unapproachable.  I was just down right ignorant…you know what I thought…ooh well…that’s the way the cookie crumbles…life is not fair…suck it up…deal with it…and keep it moving…that is what I have to do on a daily basis. 

 

I think folks just don’t understand that range of emotions that I go through on a daily basis.  The thing about it though is that there was Thanksgiving and then just a few weeks later Christmas…I was unable to get it all out of my system before Christmas got here and it was all bad.  I didn’t intentionally try to be nasty…but I was NOT in control of my emotions.  After re-assessing the situation….I apologized to a few people…but everyone else gets what they get.  Sorry…maybe I need to pray on that one. 

 

Back to the…I’ll take no for $200 Alex…that is like my motto now…I have to toughen back up people…I’ve been letting things slide because it just has been convenient for me…or just didn’t care…It is just time for me to tighten things back up…I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions…but I just need to make the proper changes in my life to get things going in the correct direction for me and my family.  There are things that I am holding on to that needs to be dropped of…there are things staring me smack in my face that is conducive to my well being that will start to be utilized… Things are going to change for the home team.  My life is what it is…folks it is time to piss or get off the pot! I’m reverting back to my favorite game-show…I’ll take no for $200 Alex….

 

I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. – Bill Cosby

T-minus seven days…..

….and counting to Christmas….and your boy is really dragging his feet.  I haven’t even remotely decided what I’m going to get everybody.  I normally go to the mall on the 23rd and 24th each year…grab me a drink…sit on the benches throughout the mall and just laugh at everyone as they walk around like a chicken with their heads cutoff.  This year I guess I’m going to be one of those chickens.  Shopping for #1 and 2 is fairly simple…even though they are merely 12 and 10…they don’t play with toys…strictly electronics and clothes….#1 been showing out, so that might make things even easier.

I really can’t say that I am looking forward to Christmas…just not in the festive mood…not lights up at the house…no tree…not a hint of Christmas.  The other day I woke up in the middle of the night (2:30a) and went to the fridge to get something to drink….like usual #1 had drunk up everything in the house…so at this point it was like…have a Corona…hmm sounds good, but I’ll pass…drink water…nada….or go to the store to get some juice or soda…ding ding ding….so Kev and I went to the store on a soda chase.  As I was walking out of the door, I noticed that there was alot of ice on the ground.  Earlier in the day…the city was hit with a real bad bout of freezing rain…and it was coats of ice EVERYWHERE…I’m looking at the frozen grass and all I could think of is this time last year…Ronya was in a rehabilitation center and taking her outside in her wheelchair through the grass just so she could get out of the room…I had a flashback and just told Kev about how much I miss that woman.

Speaking of her…I miss her so much…but you know what…I am okay…I have came to the realization that I can still miss her and continue to progress with my life.  I know that she is up above just laughing at all my dysfunction…saying to herself…”I told that dude…he ain’t gonna never change!”…hahahaha….

Back to this Christmas thing….I’m thinking about making an appearance at the family shin-dig…not a big one because I truly don’t want to be bothered…so the home team will play our position and chill… I look forward to Celtics dismantling the Lakers for Christmas.  Maybe the closer I get, the better I will feel…only time will tell…I still will hit the mall, because this is the season you see some of the craziest things…maybe I’ll go out in disguise so folks won’t bother me…

Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.- Calvin Coolidge