Why I drink all my Frapaccino….

…waiting for an available computer at school?  That really sucks!  The library today is busting out of the seams.  It always seems to be this way the first few weeks of the quarter…then one of two things happen to slow down the frantic activity…either folks stop coming out in the weather or they drop classes after they get their financial aid refunds.  Real talk…that’s what they do.  It’s rather comical because the day after refunds are issused you see new laptops…clothes…shoes…purses…I’m not being  judgmental…but it is what it is.  Let me get on track to what I was originally supposed to be talking about.

Today is January 11, 2010…I feel kinda cheated…I remember growing up and watching the Jetsons.  By this time we were supposed to be having flying cars and housekeepers named Rosie.  I was supposed to be able have an apartment in the sky and a rocket launcher backpack…boy I feel robbed!  On a more serious note…this day is extremely significant because this is the first day of weightlifting for the upcoming football season at the high school I coach at.  What sets it apart even more is that my son is actually starting lifting today with the team.  Even though he is only in the 8th grade, he is allowed to participate.  This gives him a tremendous head start on any other incoming freshman.  If you parlay his experience this past football season (him coming to every practice and game) he will be light years ahead. 

This thought process brings me to this…where does the time go?  I can remember his mother on the delivery table giving birth to him over thirteen years ago…wow!  Now here we are on the verge of high school and I get the opportunity to coach my son on a higher level of football…on the varsity level.  It is surreal.  It is always the smallest of things that seem to choke me up.  Looking back I couldn’t imagine that this day would come.  All I can do is just shake my head!!! I can’t wait until the first time I hear his name over the PA getting recognized for a play…talking about a proud poppa!

Time…it flies…it is relentless in its progression.  Time is not negligent in nature…time does not have time to peak in its rear view mirror to see who is trailing behind.  Time is one thing you can NEVER get back.  As the seconds turn to minutes…which transforms to hours…which morphs to days…which ultimately becomes an eternity it’s gonna be consistent in its ever-changing demeanor.  Which brings me to this tri-fold question….WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH YOUR TIME…HOW DO YOU CHOOSE TO SPEND YOUR TIME…ARE YOU GONNA CONTINUE TO LET TIME PASS YOU BY?

Know that one day time will catch you…when it comes will you be ready?

“Don’t count every hour in the day, make every hour in the day count.”

808′s and Heartbreaks

Yesterday was a very eventful day for me…it was filled with what I like to call 808’s and heartbreaks (ironically that is the name of Kanye West’s  last CD).  808’s and heartbreaks is a title I use for an emotional day for me.  I guess to keep it simple…it means ups and downs…you know an emotional roller coaster.  I’m telling you…I had a internal battle of epic proportions yesterday.  I told a friend of mine yesterday it was like a spiritual slugfest and the home team was spent at the end of the night.

Sunday was a ginormous (gigantic and enormous) day for #2.  I know…I know…I haven’t talked about #1 and #2 in quite sometime and there is a reason behind that (which I will talk about hopefully sometime in the future).  My church had its annual youth choir concert yesterday and #2 was chosen to render the first selection.  When she told me that…I already knew that it was going to be bad business for me.  When it comes to church and both my children…I am really a big ol softy (in a masculine sort of way…lemme clear that up…lol). Anywho…I got to the concert right before the choir started to march in and #2 was right at the door, so I got the chance to give her a big hug before her moment.

I found me a seat…well it really wasn’t hard because our church seats several hundred people on a given Sunday and I estimate the audience at a few hundred  or so (give or take a hundred…lol).  #1 was with me so he spotted my in-laws and he went to go sit where they were.  As I started to get comfortable in my seat a few people came up to me to speak because I haven’t been at church in a few weeks (that is a topic for another day).  Finally, I get a tap on my shoulder and it is another one of my church family members and she asked me if I need some tissue, because she knows I’m going to boo who.  Which I in turn told her to get them ready.  For those that don’t know…at church I cry (and #1 talked about that yesterday too)…some folks shout…some folks stand…some folks are internal…me when I am moved…I cry. 

We had our devotion period and finally the choir is marching in.  I really can’t spot #2 because of how I am seated, but finally I get a glance of her when they are almost in the choir stand.  It’s maybe 50 youth in the choir. As they are sing their processional song…I’m just kinda chilling…feeling the moment.  Finally they finish (and it was awesome)…and the master of ceremony gets everyone fired up.  They get ready for the first selection and baby girl is making her way to the microphone.  I promise folks…I started crying even BEFORE she touched the mic.  You can tell that she was initially nervous, but her voice radiated through my entire body and I was overwhelmed with emotion.  I thought about Ronya and how she would feel if she was here listening to #2 sing.  I don’t think there were many dry eyes in the edifice because many of them knew our story.  She finished and I had to walk out of the sanctuary to get some fresh air…I was just so emotional.  I didn’t stay for the entire concert…just the first segment of selections because I had to get home and finish a project that was due at midnight…but I was so happy and so sad at the same moment. 

It was funny because as soon as #1 and I got in the car he started to talk about me.  He said the moment  #2 walked towards the mic…everybody turned and looked at me (I didn’t even notice) and he just shook his head because I was crying already…he asked me why.  I simply told him, “Son, that is my baby girl…you are my boy, I cry because I love ya’ll…I cry because ya’ll are a reflection of me…I cry because at that moment I realize that I am doing something right…I cry because I am a PROUD papa.”

All of this got me to thinking about 808’s and heartbreaks.  How do we check our emotions…you know control them in a fashion were as we can still function?  I don’t know if I have the answer to and I actually love 808’s and heartbreak.  It is a double-edged sword.  All sun and no rain makes for a desert.  Be blessed all.

Sibling Love….

There is nothing I love more in this world than being a father.  This past weekend I spent some quality time with Number 1 and Number 2.  Sitting in the car with these children for an extended period of time is truly hilarious.  My children non-stop crack on each other…with no holds barred.  If you were an outsider…you would really think that they were out of order…but one think I have come to learn…there is nothing like sibling love.  Even though they go at each other…they will not let anyone else come in between them.

We were stuck in traffic for somewhere around 45 mins…and in that short amount of time I heard some of the funniest things ever.  I think that this was spawned from a rule that I had years ago.  I remember when they were growing up…the rule of the house was…if it’s funny you didn’t get in trouble for it.  So I guess that foundation that I laid years ago could have been better.  I dunno…but one thing I do know is that I love being a father….

A bit of advice…never turn your back on a gay superhero. – K.J.Dew

It is harder than you think…

I’m finding out as each day passes I seem to learn more and more about myself…about this new David.  It is fascinating how we think we know ourselves until we are thrust into situations and we have to react at a moments notice.  Coaching football and baseball is something I love to do.  I use this analogy to my kids all the time…”you can be a practice player all you want….but when the lights are on and the band is playing…get at me then!”  What I basically mean is this…show me how you’re going to react when it is gametime…when the spotlight is on you.  Everyone is not built for gameday…that is why there are role players…whew…I have gotten so far off topic…lemme get back to regularly scheduled programming.

One thing I am learning about myself is that in every dynamic that my life encompasses…I’m not as patient as I once was…and patience has always been one of my greatest attributes.  That is weird.

Being a father is great!  I would not trade this for the world…BUT it is hard being a parent.  I never realized how judgmental I used to be until now.  Previously…hmmm I would think about why certain people would struggle raising children.  Not that I thought that these were bad parents, but raising your child to be productive member of society is not hard at all…UNTIL I had to do it by myself.  Even though I feel that I am an intelligent person…I thought certain things were just cut a dry…and that one of them.  The problem is I had an enormous amount of support…I never had to do it solely by myself.  Even when #1 was younger and he would come to Omaha to visit me months at a time…I still had a support staff…go figure…I thought it was that easy for everyone.

Okay…so what’s my point…when the deck is stacked against you…you realize what you are made of.  This is so big…but yet so small…I had to take #2 to do some “girl” things the other day.  I always thought that when this time came…Ronya would be there to take care of it.  I never thought that I would be comfortable enough to deal with some of those “girly” things…but I did…and it was so uncomfortable…but yet so funny…we both just kinda smiled at each other…that was one of the greatest feelings I have ever felt.  At that moment I know #2 and I create a bond that will never be broken.

I thank God that I have children!!

“I am learning to understand rather than immediately judge or to be judged. I cannot blindly follow the crowd and accept their approach. I will not allow myself to indulge in the usual manipulating game of role creation. Fortunately for me, my self-knowledge has transcended that and I have come to understand that life is best to be lived and not to be conceptualized. I am happy because I am growing daily and I am honestly not knowing where the limit lies. To be certain, every day there can be a revelation or a new discovery. I treasure the memory of the past misfortunes. It has added more to my bank of fortitude.” – Bruce Lee

My New Found Addiction…

…well let my son tell it…I’m addicted to being “fresh”.  I just laugh everytime he says that to me.  The other day my son and I were talking about the difference from being confident, cocky, and conceited.  This little dude is so conceited it is ridiculous.  He actually got really upset with me because I told him he was.  It was funny…my son is extremely light-skinned and when he gets upset he turns this funny red color…aww man I wish you could have seen it…he was bubbling over like a pot of boiling water.

Back to the orginal subject though…I’m addicted to eating healthy.  I never thought that I would be at the point to giving up soda, snacks (even though I don’t eat a lot of them) would be second nature.  Since making this lifestyle change…incorporating intense excercise with healthy eating, I have discovered 100 Calorie Nabisco Packs.  I first thought that they would be kind of gross.  I mean snacks that are merely 100 calories does just not seem to be civilized or even possible.  When I think of snacks (and I have a friend that can second this notion…hahaha) I think of the fatest of ice creams…some cakes and pies…I think of gettin my Wimpy on…gladly paying you on Tuesday for a hamburger today. I love these snacks like a fat kid loves cake.

Every since I have incorporated the two (eating healthy and exercise)…I feel much better.  Am I still the hardest working man on this side of the Mason Dixon Line…probably so…but what I have realized is that if I don’t change some of my working and eating habits…I won’t be around to reap the benefits of all this hardwork.

Time is the most precious element of human existence. The successful person knows how to put energy into time and how to draw success from time.- Dennis Waitley

Its Been That Long Already…

…for the life of I can’t fathom the thought it has actually been that long since Ronya passed.  Today is would have been her 31st birthday.  As you can imagine the household was quite emotional this morning.  Today just has a different feel to it…I knew it the minute I opened my eyes.  I woke up slightly earlier than I usually do on a typical work day.  I got up and went through my morning routine.  #1 stayed over his mothers house for the day…that is a story for a different day…but Baby Girl came into my room for a second.  We talked for a minute and since I have been on this health kick lately she went to get my lunch together.  She packed me a grapefruit for breakfast…a Lean Pocket (don’t know how healthy those are)…and a second grapefruit and a pack of 100 calorie Oreo’s for snack.  I took the dog out to do her do and I warmed up the car (it is extremely cold in the 937 today).

After coming back from this, Baby Girl came into the room to get her lunch money.  We said our morning prayer and just talked for a second.  I knew that it was going to be emotional this morning and she just broke down.  I talked to her for a bit and calmed her down.  I know that she will be okay today…that is a special girl.

The purpose of this post is just to let you know that time flies…it doesn’t stand still.  You should take a moment to realize what is most important to you in your life…start or continue to align your life with the vision what has been set forth for you.  Don’t look back on past transgressions or mistakes.  Continue to press forward.

If i had more hair…i would pull it out!!

It has been two weeks to the day since my last post.  Even though I have written several posts, I haven’t had the desire to release any of them (I guess that is part of my dysfunction rearing its ugly head). You know that it is just a time and place for everything…not that I have all these jar-dropping, earth-shattering revelations…but timing is everything…so I decided to scale back on these.  Now, you know that I was not ignoring you…I was working the kinks out.

I’ve really been working on the character development on this novel…I know that once I nail them…the sky is the limit…I have went back to the drawing board a few times on it…but I now know the true direction of them. I can’t wait to share it with you.

Life as a single-father has been what it is…ROUGH…I mean I am handling it…so I don’t complain…What is it that they say…women have done it for years…so that doesn’t make me any different…adapt and adjust…dealing with my #1 and #2…can be a challenge…and ooh yeah…they love to test me.  They know I’m like a big ‘ol dog…I bark a whole lot…but at the end of the I rarely do anything.  I think they are accustomed to it and play chicken with me (with them usually winning). I bet in the back of their devious minds they are cracking up at my expense (hell I laugh at myself at times too).

I have alot on my mind…one thing I am learning…a tiger can’t change its stripes…and I have had somethings from my past fall out of the closet…ooh boy did it…but that is a story for another day…I have much to share…so little time…talk later…

I found my easy button….

I really dont have anything to say today that will knock your socks off…I was just sitting in my office thinking about a few things and my children just came to mind.  My children…I love them so much.  I can’t even explain it to you…and I ‘m sure those of you with children can really feel me.  I think I just had an epiphany…David needs to concentrate on #1 and #2…I mean I concentrate on them all the time…but I need to be more meticulous with them…you know like my undivided attention…man…it is good just to be still…

Nothing I’ve ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children.- Bill Cosby

He uses the little things…

…to get your attention.  I sometimes sit in amazement of this little things that God does to get our attention and show us how miniscule certain things are.  Us as adults…. we seem to elevate circumstances to levels that is beyond comprehension.  We lend credence to things that are not even important as we initially thought.

Last night I was not at home and #1 and #2 was at home with Kev.  Out of the blue…#2 shoots me a text message saying, “I miss u and mommy I am trying to stay strong till u get home.”  People you don’t understand how that broke my heart.  This is my 10-year old baby girl and she is trying to stay strong for our family…people sometimes what we think is important actually isn’t.  Maybe we need to assume the personality of children every so often….people slight children and don’t give their mental and emotional capacity the credit it deserves…yeah right…you can’t tell me that children can’t be pillars.

Every now and then we as adults should assume the resiliency of our children….

There are two ways of exerting one’s strength: one is pushing down, the other is pulling up. – Booker T. Washington

T-minus seven days…..

….and counting to Christmas….and your boy is really dragging his feet.  I haven’t even remotely decided what I’m going to get everybody.  I normally go to the mall on the 23rd and 24th each year…grab me a drink…sit on the benches throughout the mall and just laugh at everyone as they walk around like a chicken with their heads cutoff.  This year I guess I’m going to be one of those chickens.  Shopping for #1 and 2 is fairly simple…even though they are merely 12 and 10…they don’t play with toys…strictly electronics and clothes….#1 been showing out, so that might make things even easier.

I really can’t say that I am looking forward to Christmas…just not in the festive mood…not lights up at the house…no tree…not a hint of Christmas.  The other day I woke up in the middle of the night (2:30a) and went to the fridge to get something to drink….like usual #1 had drunk up everything in the house…so at this point it was like…have a Corona…hmm sounds good, but I’ll pass…drink water…nada….or go to the store to get some juice or soda…ding ding ding….so Kev and I went to the store on a soda chase.  As I was walking out of the door, I noticed that there was alot of ice on the ground.  Earlier in the day…the city was hit with a real bad bout of freezing rain…and it was coats of ice EVERYWHERE…I’m looking at the frozen grass and all I could think of is this time last year…Ronya was in a rehabilitation center and taking her outside in her wheelchair through the grass just so she could get out of the room…I had a flashback and just told Kev about how much I miss that woman.

Speaking of her…I miss her so much…but you know what…I am okay…I have came to the realization that I can still miss her and continue to progress with my life.  I know that she is up above just laughing at all my dysfunction…saying to herself…”I told that dude…he ain’t gonna never change!”…hahahaha….

Back to this Christmas thing….I’m thinking about making an appearance at the family shin-dig…not a big one because I truly don’t want to be bothered…so the home team will play our position and chill… I look forward to Celtics dismantling the Lakers for Christmas.  Maybe the closer I get, the better I will feel…only time will tell…I still will hit the mall, because this is the season you see some of the craziest things…maybe I’ll go out in disguise so folks won’t bother me…

Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.- Calvin Coolidge