Financial Aid and Sidewalk Chalk…

Disclaimer…this post was actually intended to be released on 12/22…even though a few events have changed the basis of the post is still intact.  Felt the need to let you know…so you wouldn’t think that I was all the way dysfunctional…just slightly. 

I’m in the process of placing the finishing touches on my financial aid for the winter quarter and also registering for classes as well…ok hold on that was so random. Let me explain…due to my neglect I forgot to do a few things correctly and it seems that unless my appeal is granted, yours truly will have to pay or sit out this quarter at school. That sucks…but improperly prioritizing and not being thorough places me slap dab in the middle of this…so I have nobody to blame but the author of this post.

As I walked on campus today it seemed slightly different…there wasn’t an overbearing Christmas feel to the campus…in all actuality…I really hadn’t paid attention that Christmas was this Sunday until the other day when it was mentioned to me…true story. Well as I walked (and this happens a lot when I’m alone…I’m sure yall know this by now…I think)…thinking for me can go several ways and today was not any different. As I left the college of liberal arts main office…I looked around just because I can I guess…and I started to think about my goals and aspirations for the upcoming year…short, medium and long-term goals…excited, nervous and somewhat sad I was processing all the thoughts that I compiled. See the thing is that I don’t do resolutions…I think those stunt growth…I believe goals promote expansion…the average person usually honors their new year’s resolutions just for a few weeks. My short, medium, and long-term goals are an agglomeration..they each build upon the next.

Ok back on track…as I walked I looked down on the pavement and there to the left of me spray painted in ugly black handwriting…”U CAN DO IT”. Even though these are just a few simple words…they reign very much true. Kind of like a hand…seperate each finger serves a purpose but doesn’t have mighty power…but if you bind them together in a fist…you can strike a hefty blow.  ”U CAN DO IT” I said aloud.  I was thinking of how this applies to my current season in my life (im actually debating on the level of transparency here)…many of you know that I made the executive decision…well not really I…it was me listening and being obedient to God’s word exactly 2 years and 6 months to the day to not work and continue with my education extensively. This was a huge leap in faith…but I did it…over the course of these months…I’ve experienced many highs and lows…emotionally, financially, spiritually…etc. this ride has not been easy…recently I’ve.decided to go back to work part-time while attending school. I know things will be harder…due to time constraints…but it can be done.

Fast forward…in life we are presented with obstacles…hurdles…some harder to jump than others…life is a complimation of trials and tribulations designed to strengthen you along your ultimate journey. During this journey we learn many things about ourselves..at least we think we do…one thing I know is that the resolve of a person never truly manifest until the ultimate adverse situation is encountered. Many times these situations are in stark contrast to our goals.

Where am I going with all this…let’s see…when we set goals…we are personally making a declaration about the course of our lives…we are no longer standing for the status quo in our lives…Proverbs 21:5 the plan of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to proverty..

What is this all saying…your goal is merely a plan…a blueprint. Before any sound structure can be built a blueprint is needed. Be persistent in your goal. Often it won’t be easy..and If it was easy…how fulfilling is it really.  Any plan executed over time properly will lead to profit…BUT if one isn’t willing to.endure the rigors of the journey and prefers to expedite the process…more than likely will lead to emptiness…

Simply…set a goal…press through the process…U CAN DO IT. remember this…achievement and sucess is not a single action..its a life long process…

Change has not “changed” until….

…change has changed.  This is one of my favorite sayings of all time.  I’m not sure where I picked it up from, but it is really significant.  Many times we go out on this wonderous adventure of changing our lives…whether it is as a part of a resolution…a pact…or whatever the case may be and the change is temporary.  Well have you ever sat back and wondered why sometimes you go out of this journey and change has happened…but shortly there after you revert back to the very thing you received delivery from?????  Well you are not alone…I’ve been in that boat often.  That is why this saying sticks with me like a sore thumb…“change has not changed until change has changed”…we must go through a complete cleansing of whatever the particular situation is…not only must you change from a surface perspective…but the change be internal in nature.  One thing I definitely know is this…internal turmoil will become external actions…Change is from the inside out…if you wanna change…you must do something you have never done before!

I’m Back…

…this says it all.  Watch out folks….

Is it still the 60′s????

I was always taught if you don’t have anything good to say…keep your damn mouth closed.  My parents were old school to say the least…so I debated on writing this post until I calmed down.  I was and still am heated…but I’m at the point to where I can at least be dignified about the situation…but here it is people…

I happen to be on vacation for a week or so and today actually is the first day of classes for the Spring Term.  I prefer to do most of my work at the school or local library.  Since it is the first day of class…I decided to go down to the campus to take in some fresh air and mingle among my fellow classmates.  Well I’m at the library…minding my own business.  At our campus in order to use a PC you must use your student ID to log into the PC right….so I’m talking to a friend of mine in the library that just left from talking to a counselor.  We both log in the central station and we are assigned PC’s fairly close to each other.  After you are given your assignment you have five minutes to sign into the PC before you lose your reservation.  My friend and I talk by the central sign-in PC for a few minutes before a worker reminds us that we only have a few minutes before we have re-register…so as we walk to our PC we continue to talk.  We finally both sign-in and I’m retrieving my class work for one of my Management classes…as I listen to Pandora doing all of this…I get a tap on my shoulder…it is the clown looking library employee that asks for my ID and wants to verify who I am.  At this point I am pissed from the standpoint that I’m just chilling minding my business…I guess because I’m dressed down today I get a different reaction. 

I begin to follow this employee with my eyes…and notice that he went to another person…Mind you that he told me that this was “random ID checking”…hahahaha…a bunch of crock.  Shortly after he leaves…my friend comes up to me and tells me that the employee checked him as well….Hmm interesting…now I’m not crying foul at this point…but if a situation is random…you’re going to get an accurate count based on the number of students…needless to say that the employee stops with us three…and guess what…we were the ONLY BLACK STUDENTS in the section…hahahahahha….straight hilarious. 

Folks we are not in the 60’s anymore….continue to treat us like we are the red-headed step child…thank you for fuel to the fire…He hasn’t broke us…you are making us. – D.Dew Sr.

Idle Hands…Really????

Have you ever heard the saying that an “idle mind is the devil’s playground”?  I have heard other variations of the saying, “an idle mind is the devil’s workshop”…”idle hands are the devil’s playground”….I can continue with a few others, but I’ll stop with these few.  Maybe if I was forced to choose between these few…my preference would be the second of the trilogy.  Whether it was from my parents…teachers…whomever…I seemed to hear this saying quite often growing up.  Back then my maturity level was less than stellar.  I believe I was slightly more mature than many of my peers…but my environment played an enormous factor in shaping the lives of many of my friends.  As I said before I didn’t have this “raised from the gutter” home-life.  I was fortunate to be cultivated from a two-parent household.  That was a luxury that was not afforded to many of my friends.  I lived dead smack in the middle of two major low-income housing projects in my city…so the negavtive influences were plentiful.  The vast majority of my friends lived in the projects…so guess where I wanted to be…not living in the white picket fence…but I wanted to be in the PJ’s (projects) with my friends…I wanted to be in the midst of the thugs…the drugs…the cars…the women…because that is where my people where…my friends…

I had many friends…one of them is still an extremely close friend of mine…you might see him on the blog from time to time…Will…by the way he has a nice blog too (yeah I’m plugging you fam).  I won’t go into any of the exploration that we got into…but needless to say that we both have found ourselves in some very compromising situations together and separately that we were extremely blessed to get out of.  Before I get super side tracked let me reveal the true purpose of this blog….

Many folks can look at the saying that I mentioned several ways.  When I was younger…I thought that folks merely were saying that I needed to stay busy because not doing anything would get me in trouble.  I’m sure that many of you can agree with this assessment.  I actually was going to write this post from this view originally…but as I started to type I came to the realization of this…in many cases staying busy and not idling is an excellent thing..BUT let me give you this little caveat…every now and then we should not look at everything literally…just take a little time to let things saturate us before making a move…or staying busy.

Okay…what does that mean?  How many times have you found yourself smack dab in the middle of some non-sense because you wanted to stay busy.  You didn’t want to be at home bored by yourself.  What I know is this…I was taught we are never doing anything good or important unless what we are doing is for God.

There have been many times in my life where I have thanked God for finally blessing me with my idle hands and my idle mind. I was elated it was Him that also found me in the midst of my idleness the times he did.  If I didn’t hold tight and be bored…whew…

There is a good way to die, and a right time to do it. An odd thought for this time of year — this is the point where the world has meandered back into spring, back into life. The sun is pulling fresh green from the ground again. An odd time to think about death, but as good time as ever to die.- James Lileks

RND 03/02/1978 – 03/29/2008

Why Settle….

I have had this idea for this particular post for quite some time now.  I just really didn’t know when I was going to write it.  When I write, most of you know I write straight from the heart and I don’t proofread.  However it comes out, it how it was intended to.  That is the purpose of a blog…right…being real and raw.  I save all the grammatically correct exploits to school and and my novel.  I use this forum as a completely artistic expression…and I just really don’t dig structure on my blog…like I say constantly…thus this is where you get the dysfunction.

As my life continues to evolve, I’m frequently thinking about the direction it has taken.  Never in a million years would I imagine that I would be at this current state…but I’m here and I wouldn’t change it for the world.  I thank God for allowing me to even sit here and share what I am able to share with you (that is a blog for another day…lemme get back on task).

I was up extremely late last night.  I’ve been doing alot of that lately (I’m glad I have ten days of relaxation coming very soon)…really just thinking about relationships…and the course of my life within all the relationships in my life.  As I carefully thought about many of these things…I started to think about Ronya.  Today is March 24, 2009…five days before the year anniversary of her passing away.  I can remember the final week of her on this earth (again this is a post for another day).  This got me to thinking about men and women relationships…and why is it that men settle.  Now ladies…before you give me the business…I just want you to know that I have to speak from a man’s perspective…how we think…how we operate from a carnal and spiritual aspect…

I remember having a conversation on email with a bunch of my boys a few years ago.  We were talking about  why do men step outside of relationships…also why do we look for a “younger” woman.  That is also a post for another day…fellas I won’t bust any of you out (hahahaha)…but some of the reasons that my boys outlined are some of the same reasons why men tend to settle on women.  I think that perception is that women settle for men at a higher rate than men…but I feel contrary to this belief…there is a higher rate of men that settle for women then society believes

Fellas, why is it that we seem to settle on a women that is not good for us?  I think that there are a number of reason that we do:

1. We settle to stroke our ego.  Men have ginormous egos and women have the uncanny ability massage them.
2. What we “wish” for in a woman is totally unrealistic.  So when a woman is unable to meet those “wishes” we tend to tweak the expectations.  We expect for women to come with all the bells and whistles…sorry fellas…only one person came with all the bells and whistle…and he was a man…Does Jesus ring a bell?
3. Men are on the rebound.  Fresh out of a relationship/marriage/situation and she is the next woman.
4. No self-confidence.
5. Some men are flat out horn dogs.
6. The next woman just does not Nag.
7. We are blinded by beauty…or what a woman can do for you..or wont do to you.

That woman that is no good for you brother is a hindrance in your life.  Each and everyone of us has a specific calling in our lives.  The problem is that we as men get side-tracked because of women.  Look at our evolution…and I’m not trying to get preachy right here..but I have already talked about the carnal…not the spiritual (no particular order):

1. Jezebel.  She worshiped Baal.  She also was a master manipulator.
2. Salome.  She was responsible for the execution of John the Baptist.  Here infamous words, ” Give me here John Baptist’s head in a charger.”
3. Eve.  We all know the story.
4. Delilah.  She was the downfall of Samson.

Fellas my message to you is not to settle.  Let that woman go.  A friend of mine always uses this say, “either you planning or playing” which one is it.  Many women that say that they want to plan really wants you to play.  Don’t fall prey to fools gold.  If a woman is truly for you…then you will know without a doubt.  It won’t be a chore to do this, that and the other.  She will be here not to be your own personal playground…but you confidant, your best friend, your soulmate.  If you can’t tell that woman EVERYTHING about yourself…then she is not for you.  If she doesn’t understand that you have needs just as well as her…doesn’t understand your plight…then LIG  (let it go) it..

“Living with integrity means: Not settling for less than what you know you deserve in your relationships. Asking for what you want and need from others. Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension. Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values. Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe.” – Barbara De Angelis

Who Can You Trust

It is crazy how things always seem to manifest.  Sometimes I just sit back a marvel over the actions of people (especially the ones that I trust).  Okay, let me preface this by stating it is Saturday and I rarely post in the weekends.  My weekends are typically consumed with class, church, cleaning, running errands and a tad bit of shopping.  #2 has been out of school sick for over a week (since last Friday to be exact). She had strep throat and an ear infection…on top of that there have been several cases of the “whooping cough” in her school and throughout of the system.  I decided to post today to liberate my mind.

Just because of who I am (not that I am that important), who I know and what I do there is an extremely high volume of people that I deal with on a consistent basis.  The thing is though people…I DO NOT TRUST EASY..point blank.  I rarely let folks infiltrate my inner circle of people…but once you are there…I open myself up.  I’m not speaking in a male-female relationship, but I’m talking about in general….whoever you are…If I trust you then I hold you in high esteem.  Well over the course of the last day or so…I’ve been betrayed by folks that I really, really elevated and it pisses me off(excuse me).  My take on the situations is that how can you be in the wrong but play the victim…hahahaha….WOW (there goes that marveling thing).

I’m in the “shock and awe” stage of this right now.  I guess I am practicing the art of controlling my smiles and cries.  I just have to shake my head on this one gang…putting stock in people will have you jacked up.  Only God people…only God!

Never let anyone outside the family know what you’re thinking. – Marlon Brando (The Godfather)