I tell you things my way have been definitely shaken over the course of the last several months. I’ve been kinda in this living and learning stage…trying to deal with the change of pace that life has an uncanny way of shooting at you…especially when you least expect it. As I muddle through some of the tangled webs I have woven and some of the wounds that were self-inflicted, I have learned that no matter what it looks like…at the end of the say I must follow and undoubtedly TRUST THE PROCESS.
It’s strange because many people do not even have a clue that each and every person here on this earth has a different process….yes, some of the particular window dressings might look similar (and might even be the same)…but my process is not your process…or Jane’s process…or even John’s process….mine is mine and yours is your…point blank. That is where many things seemed to go astray when we attempt to force feed our process down someone’s throat. I look at it like this…we are individuals…we must conduct ourselves accordingly and respect each other’s individuality.
Where am I going with all this…heck I didn’t even know myself until I started this paragraph. God reveals situations (it can be the same situation) to us on His timing. I don’t know His reason and I don’t even want to attempt to know because He is omnipotent…He has unlimited authority and dominion over everything. All too often we get caught up in a situation because we expect for folks to conduct their selves a certain way…because you expect a certain outcome…We tend to manipulate it until the outcome that we expect happens…but folks remember that there is an order to everything under the Sun. It is not for us to massage and transform a situation to how we see fit. Just because I don’t move when and how you want me to moving doesn’t mean I not going to move. I have to move in my season.
We have to trust our process…no matter what it may look like. If you know what you know…then regardless press forward with the intention that your where given. Don’t try to make it fit in your world…in your timing…
Trust your process and work your faith!!!!
Does time truly heal all wounds? This can be debated from many aspects and I’m not sure if I truly know the answer. I guess me as a Christian will give the answer that I’m supposed to, “yes” time does heal all wounds…but all so often we are wrestling against flesh that our healing progress is sabotaged. I always seem to have these revelations by the smallest of things. About a week ago at football practice I was stung by a bee…and I found out that I was allergic to bee stings. My forearm slightly swelled and I have to scar to prove it. I really didn’t pay too much attention but as time went on, my arm started to itch and this crazy looking rash started to spread across my forearm like a brush fire in California with no water around. Some days it would just itch out of control. As I scratched the sting site it instantly became red and irritated. Every time I fooled around with this rash it flared out…but for some reason I just could not help it.
Fast forward now…I’m actually supposed to be preparing for a Geology test that I am taking in about 43 minutes when I started to think about my blog that I haven’t posted to in quite some time. For some peculiar reason I felt the strong urge to post an entry. As I scoured through potential topics, healing came over me. I really think because I have some wounds that I thought time would heal…that actually didn’t. I find that very fascinating, because through my growth process I have been experiencing the last few months things have started to resurface again.
What I have found out is like this bee sting rash I had…as long continued go back and aggravate that old wound (no matter how long it has been) it never had the proper time to heal. So to answer my initial question…time does not heal all wounds…it is the process you take to allow the wound to heal…go figure….
It has been quite a few weeks since I last blogged. Even though I haven’t put pen to pad, I think about what I am going to write every single day. Life since we spoke last has been…hmm…lets see…interesting to say the least. What I have learned here reflecting over my life is that interesting is really the only adjective to describe my life. I find myself in the damnest situations…many people seek and latch on to me…and in all these situations…I don’t always make the correct choice…so when you incorporate all of that…interesting is exactly what you get. Over the course of the last few months, I have had some monumental changes happen in my life…from child custody battles to love to religion and all points in-between…you name it…the home team has probably experienced it.
School has started back for me just over two weeks ago and I am at it full-force. I love school with all of my heart…but I can’t wait to the day I walk across that stage with my degrees…man I can see it now. If it seems like I am all over the place…I am because I really am not sure what I want to say. I have this weird, but right feeling. I would equate it to seeing someone for the first time in years…you are extremely comfortable with them…but they are different and you have to feel them back out. Yeah…that’s it…that awkward moment you have with someone on the first kiss…not sure when exactly to go in for it…yep…yep..that’s about how I feel.
#1 and #2 are okay…I’ve definitely have had some drama with #2…but I know that God has me in a place right now in order to cope with that situation…I guess in sometime I will reveal it to you…maybe…maybe not…kinda cloudy on that one.
I’ll keep this one short and sweet…David has changed…I probably will never be the person I was…I just pray that I become a better being. Everyone be blessed and stay tuned…you never know what’s gonna come out of my mouth….
…this says it all. Watch out folks….10. Tax breaks and financial security. Being married allows to receive certain benefits that single folks aren’t granted…PLUS sharing assets with wifey is a beautiful thing.
9. Dating is DONE!!! You get tired of the ringing phone. It becomes more of a headache. Going on those uncomfortable dates and everyone trying to fix you up with someone…UGH! Plus…doing all that data collecting can drive you up a wall. Having a help mate and partner is a great thing.
8. Chicken. There is nothing like making sure daddy gets the big piece of chicken.
7. Companionship/Family. Being lonely is not a good look for the home team. Not that a dude is desperate, but coming home to someone that loves you unconditionally is definitely a plus. It is a sense of fulfillment. Looking forward to seeing her walk through the door at the end of the day is enough in itself. Waking up with wifey, the kids, and the dog.
6. I love you. This should be higher on the list…but just for debates sake I will slot it here. Folks tend to believe that sense you love someone let’s start planning a wedding. Not so fast my friend…there is love and then there is LOVE…determine the difference between the two.
5. Sex. Now this can definitely be higher…but at # 5 it is in a good place…just high up the list to be important…but not to high to be controlling. Boy there is nothing like married sex. You mean to tell me I can have as much sex with my wife as I want and not sin…pssst…let’s get it…more importantly there is a spiritual tie involved.
4. Romance. Now there is a difference between romance and sex. Romance is what keeps the marriage moving. The intimacy of romance allows for both of us to learn each other and keeps things fresh. This can also create a sense of security inside of a marriage. Getting a back rub from someone who knows exactly how you like to be touched is always right.
3. Having someone on your side… even when you’re wrong…what more is there to say.
2. Because Ronya would want me too. I do miss my wife (RIP), but I know what she wants for me and I want it too.
1. God wants me to be happy…….
10b. Uncomfortable color schemes. I don’t really know how in tuned I am with pastels and all those softer type color. If I’m using the bathroom…I want it to feel like a bathroom, not the inside of a cotton candy machine. Better yet, if I want to re-arrange my furniture I can.
10a. Hot Water. It is just me…I always have hot water.
9. No chic flixs. I’m not sure how comfortable I will be with watching Fried Green Tomatos or Pretty in Pink…give me Enemy of the State, the Negotiator and some Patron Silver and I got you.
8. No female hygiene products everywhere. Ladies I respect the fact that you keep yourself “right” during that unsettling time…but I’m cool on the products throughout the bedroom (you can include the period panties too). There is nothing like walking into the bathroom and seeing some granny panties sprawled out on the toilet. Yep I pass!
7. I can eat what the heck I want. I don’t have to hear…”that’s not good for you” or “you need to eat more of this/that”….yeah I pass on that too.
6. I can turn the music up in my car. No explanation needed.
5. I can keep the toilet seat up. Under normal circumstances this would be higher up on the list, but it was hard to crack the top 4.
4. Freedom. I can do what the hell I want…when I want to. I don’t have to worry about a lot of family coming over (if I don’t want). Not having to check with someone else before making plans/accepting invites…This could be number 1.
3. Clingy/Soft. Whew this is a big one. Lady please give me 50 feet. I don’t need to talk to you…text you…email you ALL dang on day. Give me time to miss you. Sometimes I need you to think like a man and conduct yourself like a lady.
2. Cackling Hens. Misery loves company. I don’t have to put up with your cackling unhappy friends. Don’t get mad at us because we are happy. I’m not feeling someone constantly in her ear. Shut the hell up!
1. We are not equally yoked. Just because we are great people, doesn’t necessarily me that we are on one accord.
Yesterday was a very eventful day for me…it was filled with what I like to call 808’s and heartbreaks (ironically that is the name of Kanye West’s last CD). 808’s and heartbreaks is a title I use for an emotional day for me. I guess to keep it simple…it means ups and downs…you know an emotional roller coaster. I’m telling you…I had a internal battle of epic proportions yesterday. I told a friend of mine yesterday it was like a spiritual slugfest and the home team was spent at the end of the night.
Sunday was a ginormous (gigantic and enormous) day for #2. I know…I know…I haven’t talked about #1 and #2 in quite sometime and there is a reason behind that (which I will talk about hopefully sometime in the future). My church had its annual youth choir concert yesterday and #2 was chosen to render the first selection. When she told me that…I already knew that it was going to be bad business for me. When it comes to church and both my children…I am really a big ol softy (in a masculine sort of way…lemme clear that up…lol). Anywho…I got to the concert right before the choir started to march in and #2 was right at the door, so I got the chance to give her a big hug before her moment.
I found me a seat…well it really wasn’t hard because our church seats several hundred people on a given Sunday and I estimate the audience at a few hundred or so (give or take a hundred…lol). #1 was with me so he spotted my in-laws and he went to go sit where they were. As I started to get comfortable in my seat a few people came up to me to speak because I haven’t been at church in a few weeks (that is a topic for another day). Finally, I get a tap on my shoulder and it is another one of my church family members and she asked me if I need some tissue, because she knows I’m going to boo who. Which I in turn told her to get them ready. For those that don’t know…at church I cry (and #1 talked about that yesterday too)…some folks shout…some folks stand…some folks are internal…me when I am moved…I cry.
We had our devotion period and finally the choir is marching in. I really can’t spot #2 because of how I am seated, but finally I get a glance of her when they are almost in the choir stand. It’s maybe 50 youth in the choir. As they are sing their processional song…I’m just kinda chilling…feeling the moment. Finally they finish (and it was awesome)…and the master of ceremony gets everyone fired up. They get ready for the first selection and baby girl is making her way to the microphone. I promise folks…I started crying even BEFORE she touched the mic. You can tell that she was initially nervous, but her voice radiated through my entire body and I was overwhelmed with emotion. I thought about Ronya and how she would feel if she was here listening to #2 sing. I don’t think there were many dry eyes in the edifice because many of them knew our story. She finished and I had to walk out of the sanctuary to get some fresh air…I was just so emotional. I didn’t stay for the entire concert…just the first segment of selections because I had to get home and finish a project that was due at midnight…but I was so happy and so sad at the same moment.
It was funny because as soon as #1 and I got in the car he started to talk about me. He said the moment #2 walked towards the mic…everybody turned and looked at me (I didn’t even notice) and he just shook his head because I was crying already…he asked me why. I simply told him, “Son, that is my baby girl…you are my boy, I cry because I love ya’ll…I cry because ya’ll are a reflection of me…I cry because at that moment I realize that I am doing something right…I cry because I am a PROUD papa.”
All of this got me to thinking about 808’s and heartbreaks. How do we check our emotions…you know control them in a fashion were as we can still function? I don’t know if I have the answer to and I actually love 808’s and heartbreak. It is a double-edged sword. All sun and no rain makes for a desert. Be blessed all.
I am treading with extreme caution on this subject. I know that it is terribly sensitive and could be taken the wrong way (and I will get some backlash), 
so I will be respectful…but this is my blog so you know that I will do it my way. Quite some time ago I was in a debate with a friend of mine…actually I had this conversation with several people of the course of a few weeks. It was the topic of what I love to call Independent Woman Syndrome…or IWS for short. Of course many of us had similar yet different perspectives on the topic….thus this made me want to write about this. Now I can base my stance from a biblical standpoint and it would be a no brainer…but then that would encompass submission…training…etc…but I won’t. These are my opinions and I will for the most part keep it to what I think.
I…let me state this again…I feel that many women especially in the black 
community are suffering from an extreme case of this syndrome. I’ve talked about this many times before, but I am so sick and tired of hearing those common clichés of, “I don’t need a man for this” or “I can do that”….you know the “Anything he can do…I can do”….or this is my favorite one… “I DON’T NEED A MAN TO COMPLETE ME”…blah blah blah…shut up…put a sock in it (a dirty one at that). Please ladies you are starting to sound like that Charlie Brown teacher. Earth to independent woman, yes you do need a man…sorry it is just a fact…BUT… I’ll give you this tidbit…not any man will do…you need a good one. Okay…here comes the rebuttal… “There isn’t any” or ‘They are gay”….again ma’am…quiet please. There are good men and in abundance but the issue may reside within you…INTERNALLY you know. Maybe some women should stop blaming external factors on the demise of relationships and look within. Women ask yourself this…in any relationship that you have that has come to an end…have you HONESTLY looked at yourself objectively and weighed any contributing factors from you. Now I am not giving guys a pass because many of us are jerks…and even the good guys have jerk tendencies…but that IWS will do it every time. Let’s take a look at some of the reasons why you are getting what you got:
• Are you equally yoked with the man and on every level…spiritually, mentally, emotionally? You don’t have to agree on everything, but at least be on the same accord. Many women take spiritually for granted. Sometimes, women you tend to think that since your man goes to church you are spiritually yoked…sorry ma’am…that is not the case.
• Are you willing to submit…I’m not talking about succumbing or servitude…but willing to let the reigns go a bit to allow him to have dominion (this is more for married couples).
• Look at this man…know what he is. Don’t try to turn a 2 of club into an Ace of spade. Sorry ladies…go ahead and try to play that club like a spade and see what happens.
• How does he treat the important women in his life? Whatever he does around them, he will do around you. What makes you any different? I hope it isn’t because of your female privates…because real talk…those come a dime a dozen.
The skinny of it is…women READ THE MEMO…there is an order to everything under the sun…ESPECIALLY IN MAN/WOMAN RELATIONSHIPS. Find the cure for the syndrome.
I know that dome of you have been wondering exactly where the heck I have been…hmmm long story. One day I will get into the specifics of my Houdini act. I just think that I needed to disappear from the web for a second to get my bearings under me. Now that I have turned that chapter in my life and finished that book…it’s time for me to pickup the next book in my collection. Needless to say, life for your boy has been challenging to say the least…but expected because my life is enigmatic in nature.
I always seem to come across some of the strangest situations…well not strange…but just different. The dynamic of my life encompasses so many relationships. In layman’s terms…I know A LOT of people. One thing that has been happening to me lately is that I have been coming across or cultivating new relationships from old relationships…if that makes sense. Better yet…people that I might have just known in passing have been popping up in my life lately…but for serious reasons. I am unyielding about the type of person I allow in my life…iron sharpens iron. Over the course of the last two weeks…two former acquaintances have stumbled into my life. It is so awesome how God allows for situations to happen in order to get the ultimate outcome He has planned.
I was chopping it up with one of the friends and they were telling me about a situation they were going through. The circumstances around it are serious in nature. Out they blue they sent me a text asking me to pray for them. It kinda put me on alert because it was totally unexpecting. Shortly after the text I called my friend and they proceeded to tell me about the issue. After listening I went into ministering mode. I started to encourage my friend…I quoted a few scriptures and we just dialogued back and forth. Before you know it, we were engrossed in two hour long conversation about faith, works, religion, prosperity and direction.
As the conversation wound down I realized what I thought was intended for my friend was exactly what I needed. Crazy how things work huh? Remember people…that goes both ways though…things you intend for others can actually redirect your way….
…that gets your attention. It always seems like it is the smallest things that get my attention…or maybe it is not the smallest things, but God knows 
how to get my attention and He uses these things I deem as small to capture it. As many of you know I coach high school football. Yesterday my team attended a 7 on 7 skills passing camp. In essence what this is touch football without the big ole lineman. I know some of you are not sure what lineman are…lemme see…to make it extremely easy…lineman are the really big guys that are usually hunched over with their hands on the ground banging heads at each other (if that makes sense). Passing camps give coaches the opportunity to take a look at their receivers, backs (offense and defense) and linebackers in a competitive environment. Even though a team might have competition within its camp, it is virtually impossible to replicate game speed and the competitive adrenaline when facing an opponent.
At the camp I had the opportunity to catch up with former players I coached on a pee wee level…former teammates and coaches. It was a great 
atmosphere. There were about 8 teams there including my team, so I had the chance to witness some of the areas top talent. I also had the chance to talk with a few members of regional scouting services…so all and all, my experience was great…and by the way we went 3-1…and that isn’t bad for a team that likes to tote the rock (run the ball).
We were into our second game of the day and we had many of our JV (junior varsity) players in. Well, I used to coach the JV quarterback for a few years when he was younger so we have a report. Our coach called a play in the huddle and as our quarterback began to direct the teams. The ball is snapped and the play starts…I’m about 15 yards behind the quarterback (because coaches can be on the field in these camps) and I can see the play developing. It is unfolding just like it is supposed to. This all goes back to the big picture blog. I can see the entire picture from behind the QB. We have a receiver running a slant pattern. He run his pattern beautifully and the QB sees him…BUT if the QB looks a little deeper, we had another receiver running a deeper slant and he was wide open for a touchdown. What happened is that my QB was fixated so much on the first open receiver he wasn’t patient enough to allow the play to develop and see the second receiver through the big picture. The QB ultimately under throws the receiver. A few people yell at the QB and he comes back to the huddle with a smile on his face as if to say, “I got this…my fault.” The coach calls the exact same play and the scenario plays out the exact same way. 
The QB is not patient enough yet again. The receivers run their patterns and the QB under throws him again. This time the QB gets a few more yells…but one thing I notice is that he was throwing the ball off of his back foot with no leverage. Everything he threw was all arm, his technique was not sound at all. I walked up to him and he has the same smile on his face…I share a few words of encouragement and he jogs back to the huddle. Okay, now for the third time in a row the coach calls the exact same play. This time our QB throws a better ball, one he finally decides to throw through the big picture the defender is able to jump the route (beat the receiver to where he is supposed to be) and knocks the ball out. After talking with my QB I can tell some of the yells from his teammates rattled him slightly.
This is interesting because I just assumed that this was just another play. Later on that evening I started to think about that play in particular. It is 
all about execution. In order for a play to work, it must be executed correctly. Execution comes from repetition. This means practice…practice…and more practice. This small play encompasses life in its entirety. Life is about executing the plays you are given…beginning with preparation…when you are preparing…you are putting yourself in position to make the plays. You are gathering all the key components in order to be successful such as training yourself, learning your roles and placing the proper people around you. Secondly, you must be able to place these components in motion (executing). At this stage your technique must be sound. Everything you prepared for is now manifesting…you must be able to mold everything you learned in the preparation into a positive outcome. If there is a breakdown in any aspect of this step, the execution of the play will falter.
As in football life is filled with plays. We need to prepare ourselves…place the proper people around us…and execute what we have learned. Take my young QB for example, his technique was not sound and he was fixated on what was in front of him. If he would have settled himself and been patient, maybe he could have thrown that touchdown…through the big picture. One thing I have learned is that the one thing that will sabotage a play is the company we keep. Make sure your teammates are the ones that have prepared for the plays…not someone that was a spectator and pretends they know the plays…Execution.
David
