I am treading with extreme caution on this subject. I know that it is terribly sensitive and could be taken the wrong way (and I will get some backlash), 
so I will be respectful…but this is my blog so you know that I will do it my way. Quite some time ago I was in a debate with a friend of mine…actually I had this conversation with several people of the course of a few weeks. It was the topic of what I love to call Independent Woman Syndrome…or IWS for short. Of course many of us had similar yet different perspectives on the topic….thus this made me want to write about this. Now I can base my stance from a biblical standpoint and it would be a no brainer…but then that would encompass submission…training…etc…but I won’t. These are my opinions and I will for the most part keep it to what I think.
I…let me state this again…I feel that many women especially in the black 
community are suffering from an extreme case of this syndrome. I’ve talked about this many times before, but I am so sick and tired of hearing those common clichés of, “I don’t need a man for this” or “I can do that”….you know the “Anything he can do…I can do”….or this is my favorite one… “I DON’T NEED A MAN TO COMPLETE ME”…blah blah blah…shut up…put a sock in it (a dirty one at that). Please ladies you are starting to sound like that Charlie Brown teacher. Earth to independent woman, yes you do need a man…sorry it is just a fact…BUT… I’ll give you this tidbit…not any man will do…you need a good one. Okay…here comes the rebuttal… “There isn’t any” or ‘They are gay”….again ma’am…quiet please. There are good men and in abundance but the issue may reside within you…INTERNALLY you know. Maybe some women should stop blaming external factors on the demise of relationships and look within. Women ask yourself this…in any relationship that you have that has come to an end…have you HONESTLY looked at yourself objectively and weighed any contributing factors from you. Now I am not giving guys a pass because many of us are jerks…and even the good guys have jerk tendencies…but that IWS will do it every time. Let’s take a look at some of the reasons why you are getting what you got:
• Are you equally yoked with the man and on every level…spiritually, mentally, emotionally? You don’t have to agree on everything, but at least be on the same accord. Many women take spiritually for granted. Sometimes, women you tend to think that since your man goes to church you are spiritually yoked…sorry ma’am…that is not the case.
• Are you willing to submit…I’m not talking about succumbing or servitude…but willing to let the reigns go a bit to allow him to have dominion (this is more for married couples).
• Look at this man…know what he is. Don’t try to turn a 2 of club into an Ace of spade. Sorry ladies…go ahead and try to play that club like a spade and see what happens.
• How does he treat the important women in his life? Whatever he does around them, he will do around you. What makes you any different? I hope it isn’t because of your female privates…because real talk…those come a dime a dozen.
The skinny of it is…women READ THE MEMO…there is an order to everything under the sun…ESPECIALLY IN MAN/WOMAN RELATIONSHIPS. Find the cure for the syndrome.
I know that dome of you have been wondering exactly where the heck I have been…hmmm long story. One day I will get into the specifics of my Houdini act. I just think that I needed to disappear from the web for a second to get my bearings under me. Now that I have turned that chapter in my life and finished that book…it’s time for me to pickup the next book in my collection. Needless to say, life for your boy has been challenging to say the least…but expected because my life is enigmatic in nature.
I always seem to come across some of the strangest situations…well not strange…but just different. The dynamic of my life encompasses so many relationships. In layman’s terms…I know A LOT of people. One thing that has been happening to me lately is that I have been coming across or cultivating new relationships from old relationships…if that makes sense. Better yet…people that I might have just known in passing have been popping up in my life lately…but for serious reasons. I am unyielding about the type of person I allow in my life…iron sharpens iron. Over the course of the last two weeks…two former acquaintances have stumbled into my life. It is so awesome how God allows for situations to happen in order to get the ultimate outcome He has planned.
I was chopping it up with one of the friends and they were telling me about a situation they were going through. The circumstances around it are serious in nature. Out they blue they sent me a text asking me to pray for them. It kinda put me on alert because it was totally unexpecting. Shortly after the text I called my friend and they proceeded to tell me about the issue. After listening I went into ministering mode. I started to encourage my friend…I quoted a few scriptures and we just dialogued back and forth. Before you know it, we were engrossed in two hour long conversation about faith, works, religion, prosperity and direction.
As the conversation wound down I realized what I thought was intended for my friend was exactly what I needed. Crazy how things work huh? Remember people…that goes both ways though…things you intend for others can actually redirect your way….
…that gets your attention. It always seems like it is the smallest things that get my attention…or maybe it is not the smallest things, but God knows 
how to get my attention and He uses these things I deem as small to capture it. As many of you know I coach high school football. Yesterday my team attended a 7 on 7 skills passing camp. In essence what this is touch football without the big ole lineman. I know some of you are not sure what lineman are…lemme see…to make it extremely easy…lineman are the really big guys that are usually hunched over with their hands on the ground banging heads at each other (if that makes sense). Passing camps give coaches the opportunity to take a look at their receivers, backs (offense and defense) and linebackers in a competitive environment. Even though a team might have competition within its camp, it is virtually impossible to replicate game speed and the competitive adrenaline when facing an opponent.
At the camp I had the opportunity to catch up with former players I coached on a pee wee level…former teammates and coaches. It was a great 
atmosphere. There were about 8 teams there including my team, so I had the chance to witness some of the areas top talent. I also had the chance to talk with a few members of regional scouting services…so all and all, my experience was great…and by the way we went 3-1…and that isn’t bad for a team that likes to tote the rock (run the ball).
We were into our second game of the day and we had many of our JV (junior varsity) players in. Well, I used to coach the JV quarterback for a few years when he was younger so we have a report. Our coach called a play in the huddle and as our quarterback began to direct the teams. The ball is snapped and the play starts…I’m about 15 yards behind the quarterback (because coaches can be on the field in these camps) and I can see the play developing. It is unfolding just like it is supposed to. This all goes back to the big picture blog. I can see the entire picture from behind the QB. We have a receiver running a slant pattern. He run his pattern beautifully and the QB sees him…BUT if the QB looks a little deeper, we had another receiver running a deeper slant and he was wide open for a touchdown. What happened is that my QB was fixated so much on the first open receiver he wasn’t patient enough to allow the play to develop and see the second receiver through the big picture. The QB ultimately under throws the receiver. A few people yell at the QB and he comes back to the huddle with a smile on his face as if to say, “I got this…my fault.” The coach calls the exact same play and the scenario plays out the exact same way. 
The QB is not patient enough yet again. The receivers run their patterns and the QB under throws him again. This time the QB gets a few more yells…but one thing I notice is that he was throwing the ball off of his back foot with no leverage. Everything he threw was all arm, his technique was not sound at all. I walked up to him and he has the same smile on his face…I share a few words of encouragement and he jogs back to the huddle. Okay, now for the third time in a row the coach calls the exact same play. This time our QB throws a better ball, one he finally decides to throw through the big picture the defender is able to jump the route (beat the receiver to where he is supposed to be) and knocks the ball out. After talking with my QB I can tell some of the yells from his teammates rattled him slightly.
This is interesting because I just assumed that this was just another play. Later on that evening I started to think about that play in particular. It is 
all about execution. In order for a play to work, it must be executed correctly. Execution comes from repetition. This means practice…practice…and more practice. This small play encompasses life in its entirety. Life is about executing the plays you are given…beginning with preparation…when you are preparing…you are putting yourself in position to make the plays. You are gathering all the key components in order to be successful such as training yourself, learning your roles and placing the proper people around you. Secondly, you must be able to place these components in motion (executing). At this stage your technique must be sound. Everything you prepared for is now manifesting…you must be able to mold everything you learned in the preparation into a positive outcome. If there is a breakdown in any aspect of this step, the execution of the play will falter.
As in football life is filled with plays. We need to prepare ourselves…place the proper people around us…and execute what we have learned. Take my young QB for example, his technique was not sound and he was fixated on what was in front of him. If he would have settled himself and been patient, maybe he could have thrown that touchdown…through the big picture. One thing I have learned is that the one thing that will sabotage a play is the company we keep. Make sure your teammates are the ones that have prepared for the plays…not someone that was a spectator and pretends they know the plays…Execution.
…I wrote this to my father and I planned on releasing it on Father’s Day…but the interesting thing is that something hit me…I knew that the web would be saturated with Father’s Day this…that and another…so I decided to write to my father separately…kinda to set him apart…
Dad…
I know you are not here physically on this Earth to read this, but for some peculiar reason I know that you are peeking down reading this as I type. It has been slightly over two years since you took your last breath. You know…I never thought in a million years that I would EVER feel the way I do about you. You have been the source of so much pain to me. At one point in my life, I wished that I would never cross paths with your again. I resented the fact that I came from you. For the life of me, I couldn’t understand why things went sour between us…but over the course of time I have come to understand that I must go through things to achieve what’s in store for me.
For years, I wanted to be so bitter and angry towards you…and for the most part I succeeded, even after I told you that I forgave you…but the strangest thing happened to me…through all my pain…hurt…frustration and heartache…I began to understand that you were a man and you made mistakes. I understood the fact that you could not make up for lost time. I knew that all we could do is move forward from the point your re-introduced yourself to me.
The thing is dad…I do love you…I always had…and even that you are gone…I always will. First I must apologize to you for the feelings I had towards you. I know that even though I was angry…they still were inappropriate. It saddens me that it takes for you to be gone two years before I can say this to you. Even though I might feel that you didn’t go about things that correct way…I thank you for the life you have given me. I thank you for the things that you did teach me.
I don’t think I have ever said this…but Happy Father’s Day Dad….I do love you…until me meet again.
So much has happened since the last time I have posted anything of 
significance. Many of you know that I coach high school football for a school in my area. I actually coach the linebackers. I won’t go into detail about the responsibilities of a ‘backer…I know that would bore quite a few of you…but there is something profound that I found out yesterday while we were at mini-camp. I love my coaching job. I coach for an inner-city program so many of the kids are rough around the edges…but the crazy thing is…they are all great kids…as I start to peel back their complex layers…I learn that they are no different than any other child…they just merely had to adapt to their surroundings.
Anywho…that is a conversation for a later day. I have learned over the years that it is the small things that get our attention…I teach m
y players about making no “false steps”…and what I mean by that is (and I promise I’m going to keep the linebacker/football terminology to a minimum) every step you take make it a positive football move. In my defense we have 3 linebackers…each has their own name…Mike (middle backer)…Will (weak side backer) and Sam (strong side backer). Follow me for a minute here…these 3 backers have their own keys…BUT it is all the same. I teach them to mirror their keys through the big picture. For instance…the Mike keys the fullback…if the fullback goes right…the Mike is to mirror him and make his step definitive…if the fullback step forward…the Mike is to step forward…again mirroring his key…BUT as he mirrors his key, the Mike still must watch his key through the entire play…or what I call the big picture. It is pertinent that he does not take any unnecessary steps…or false steps…if he does…there is a potential to be out of position and completely miss the play. Now the Will has a different key…he reads the near back to the tail back…BUT also through the big picture.
We teach our kids that once you read you key…mirror him and you must do what we call…”step to balance”…what this means is after he makes the initial mirror step of his key…he must then place himself in a football related stance…keeping a good width between his feet…staying low to the ground and ready to attack…weight equally distributed and shoulders parallel to the line of scrimmage (this is where they hike the ball from) …he steps to balance just in case the play goes a different way…for this reason…if all these components are correctly put in place even if the opposing team attempts to fool the player and run the ball in a different direction…it is easy for him to adjust and redirect himself and still make a play.
As I was teaching this last night at mini-camp…I started to thing about life and how it is crazy how this simple football technique mirrors us. 
See…God has a play designed for us…but we don’t know exactly what it is…we must read the keys that He gives us…but we can’t just focus on one thing…we have to look at it through the big picture. Check this out…for instance you can be sitting watching television…you can see the television…but you can also see everything thing behind it…you might have pictures on the wall…a clock…speakers…you see the big picture. God has a big picture for all of us…BUT sometimes when we start to make false steps…He might re-direct the play…that is when you must step to balance…you must be able to re-adjust to the direction of your life. Just because you have re-directed your life…doesn’t mean that the goal is not the same. Concentrate…stay focused on the big picture…just like the Will and Mike…even though they have different responsibilities…their goal is ultimately the same. Stop comparing your keys to others…be able to step to balance when it gets tough…make your steps positive life steps…be definitive in your actions.
The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails. – William Arthur Ward
I just felt the need to say hey all…I’ve been really busy tying up some loose ends, but I have a cornucopia of things I want to share with everyone over the next few weeks. I have a number of writings I will release and I hope you enjoy. Please check back with my first installment. See ya tomorrow!
David
When I first started to write this series of Addition by Subtraction, I didn’t have a clue that my feelings would become so entangled it them. I have written several more post regarding this topic, but I decided not to post them. This will be my final Addition by Subtraction post…..with a slight twist to it…..Addition by Subtraction the Remix…Say Hello to the Bad Guy….
Like my boy Will, a lot of my blog influences especially when it comes to titles are some sort of lyrics or a name of a song. Say Hello is a song by Jay-Z that I have been listening to the last few days. Initially it was just a song that I liked…but today I was paying attention to the hook of the song…
To the bad guy
Hello
They say I’m a bad guy
I come from the bottom
But now I’m mad fly
Say Hello
They say I’m a menace
That’s the picture they paint
Hello
They say a lot about me
Let me yell ya what I ain’t
Lately I have had some serious changes manifest in my life…some warranted…some not..I know that you all have heard the age old adage….Sticks and stones my break my bones, but words would never hurt me. There was a point in time where I felt that this was an accurate statement…but as I was placed in certain situations…I quickly realized that this is not necessarily the truth. I have learned that David is not as hard as I thought. Sometimes the very emotions that I compartmentalize are the same ones that I wear on my sleeve. During these life-altering events… I have learned that David has been wrong in many situations. I have learned that David has hurt people. I have learned that David has a lot of maturing to go through…
It has been over a year since Ronya has passed away…and through this entire journey I have experienced some extreme highs and lows. I have done many things along this time that I don’t approve of and I would have never in a million years imagined that I would have done things of this nature. I haven’t robbed a bank or committed a murder…naw nothing like that…but I have hurt people along my personal quest for the pursuit of happiness.
Many things I have done over the course of this time have somewhat come into question. It is crazy… but what I have learned more than anything is that David is human and I have made mistakes. I can admit to my mistakes and take any repercussions from them. I know my character and the type of person I am. At the end of the day…I can only be me. The biggest lesson I have learned is that…I am accountable for me and the things that I choose to do. I live to learn……Say goodbye to the bad guy…..
It is simply amazing, as my emotions turn from hot to cold and then back to hot again. I always seem to find myself in the most peculiar of positions. I wish my life would be smooth…or do I really? Good question…on one hand I would love to have this stereotypical black and white life…the predictable type…safe or I could have a life of deliberately thoughtless, disorganized, free-spirit …a matter of choices…I guess. If you’re asking me…I would prefer a blissful balance of the two…but what we want many times pale in comparison to what we receive…better yet what we need. Where is this going…you probably guessed it by now…addition by subtraction.
Saturday morning started off slow…off to work…well hell…just check my last post and you can see how the previous day went. I’m scheduled to arrive at this new facility fairly early. As I drove to the destination, my mind wondered…now those that know me best would tell you that confidence is not an issue I have…they probably would describe me as the love child spawned from a ménage trios of cocky, confident and arrogant. I know that is a horrible visual…but that is what I’ve been told. Don’t shoot the messenger. I wondered how the employees of this company would receive me. I should note that what I am coming to do is something that is completely foreign to them…and change is sometimes met with opposition. I’m coming to this company in strictly a consultative role…so I don’t wanna ooze the attitude of being the “chief” while everyone else are “Indians”…is that really politically correct to say anymore?
After I gave my initial overview and direction of what should happen, it was showtime. Of course with anything new there was hiccups…and we had a severe case of them. Yeah it did add fuel to the stress I have been over…but ooh well…what doesn’t kill me…makes me stronger.
The dockworkers start to unload my material from the “old facility” to this new facility. As I stood from afar watching them…I became fixated on this piece of wood (weird isn’t it)…then I once again started to watch the employees work. They are making progress. With each pallet I am able to see the trailers empty one by one…in turn I am as able to watch this warehouse fill with product. Initially, I felt great…the countless ours over the last three weeks are now coming to fruition…hard work does pay…doesn’t it?
I again became fixated on this piece of wood. I start to think deeper and I must have slipped far off because somebody asked me if I was “ok”. At that instant…I couldn’t help but to think about losing again…and why can’t I shake it? I have placed countless hours in my old facility and in a matter of a few days it will be gone. With each pallet thereafter I couldn’t help but to be overwhelmed with a feeling of heartache. I was literally watching my job leave…then it hit me…its like a marriage (life that is)…for better or worse…addition by subtraction.
Have you ever seen the TV series 24? I used to watch it sporadically back 
in the day…but now not so much. I really wasn’t too terribly keen on the show itself, but I thought that the premise was kinda slick. For those of you that are not too familiar with the show, I will give you a quick synopsis of it. The main character, Jack Bower is an agent for a government terrorist unit. Basically this dude goes around saving the country from terrorist plots…IN 24 HOURS. The entire show is based on a 24-hour day of events.
Now you know I talk about how my brain works from time to time…I’m not insane…just 
a little different…hell for all I know, I could be normal (hahaha). Anywho…I’ve been working quite a few hours this week. I believe by the end of today I will be upwards of 85. That is crazy, I know. Since I’m in the process of helping shut down the operations at my facility, I thought it was only fitting to give you an abbreviated installment of my version of 24. Now I must warn you…remember my brain gets extremely dysfunctional at times and this is really raw. At certain times of the day, I just jotted down whatever was on my mind (including words of the cussing persuasion). So this is me…unedited and raw….
- 12:08p – Here I am…in my office thinking of a contingency plan. Am I really ready to subtract? I really didn’t think leaving my job
would be so overly emotional. I guess the realness has hit…our office is just about empty…I don’t have a damn thing on my wall but my OSU clock. What makes it even effin worst is that CP is gone for the rest of the day and I am the only one up here in the office. Maybe if she was still here, I can pass time by running my damn mouth. Ooh well D.Dew…chalk it up homeboy. This has been my family for over 7 years. I spent numerous amounts of hours within/outside the confines and this place with my people here….and I’m losing them. Indubitably our relationships wont be the same and I feel after we close these doors for good, they will fizzle out eventually (there go that due season stuff again). It is like waiting for death to come or watch paint dry….terrible!!!
- 12:50p – How come external factors continue to try to dismantle me. Confusion is the trick of the enemy…recognize it…address it and overcome it. Do what you do man!
- 1:19 – Interesting…I was born at night…but not last night. Come one crew lets get it together. Looks like we will be here to close to midnight…damn we started at 7a.
- 1:37 – Wow, I just took my name plate off my door…that was surreal.
- 2:20 – Please learn to follow direction…This is not rocket science…at least I thought. 1 + 2 = 3…right? WTF?!?!?…why did they spot these trailers AFTER I told them NOT to…no capacity…yeah I’m really heated…so dammit heated.
- 2:42 – Definitely close to F it mode.
- 3:44 – Very interesting. But I know what I know.
- 5:24 – Alls I can say is WOW! Imagine this…anything that can or could go wrong…shit it did. I compare it to getting kicked in the genitals with a pair of steel toed Stacey Adams (hahaha…that really isn’t a shoe). My crew is working it out though…gotta love ‘em…Harmless is harmless…no harm…no foul, but make better decisions in the future. It is looking like midnight really…
- 7:01 – This day is remarkable. Midnight is the only option…back at 6a…I dunno.
- 10:06 – They really don’t understand the severity of this…ugh…what is that smell…I need a shower
- 11:13 – Yep…hahaha…damn I feel delusional. I bet this is how dude felt on 1408.
- 12:49 – Aint no suds on me…aint no suds on me…
Addition by subtraction is definitely stressful.
As I scrambled through my brain, I found it rather hard to come up with a topic to talk about today. Even as I continue to type I hope that something worthwhile spews out of my fingertips. I was thinking today about things that are certain…and one thing that is for certain is death…outside of that there is this gray area that we all have the power to control.
In my occupation (and socially) I encounter a gamut of folks. It is strange because even though we are strangely different…at its core we all strive for the same things…not in any particular order but:
- Happiness
- Peace/Tranquility
- Success
- Inalienable/Unalienable rights
I can continue to go on, but you get the drift. We all have dominion over our lives. What suprises me is that many people on this Earth…or at least many of individuals I have encountered do not understand that they are masters of their own lives….rulers of their destiny’s. Many people are trapped…bound and shackled due to their own will. We are by products byproducts of our own insanity. What I have learned extremely well lately is that…you get what you got because you do what you did…you follow that. At some point in our lives we can’t use the excuse of…”this is what I’m used to”…or “we’ve always have done things this way”.
Grab life by the horns. Life is what you make it…
If you have always done it that way, it is probably wrong.- Charles F. Kettering
David
